本期作者 ：苏茹昕

新婚是我们生命中的重要时期，我们好像也经常会听到新婚夫妻这样的抱怨：

“结婚之后他完全变了一个人似的。”

不过我们也时常会听到婚后浪子回头的故事。

婚姻的开始到底会给我们带来什么样的变化呢？这些变化又是怎么发生的呢？今天我们就来一起看看新婚对我们的影响。

新婚大不同

还记得曾经脾气火爆、一身痞气的山鸡哥陈小春化身超级奶爸的故事吗？谈起陈小春应采儿的婚姻，人们不由地感叹：婚姻真的是能让人脱胎换骨。

2008年，刘涛嫁给了王珂，结婚的同时宣布息影。从此放弃事业，专注于家庭。

通过以上的例子，我们发现：婚姻似乎开启了人生的另一个阶段，曾经的个性、工作都有可能随着婚姻的到来发生转变。

但是也有些人如同《脱口秀大会》中庞博讲的段子一般：吃火锅的时候顺便提起了结婚，次日去民政局领了个证，然后双方各自回公司上班。婚姻仿佛只是体现在了那张结婚证上。

当然，以上的故事只是个例。婚姻到底只是一张9.9的结婚证，户口上多了个人名；还是一个人彻头彻尾的改变呢？对于大部分人来说，婚姻究竟会给人带来怎样的改变呢？让我们一起看看研究者们怎么说：

步入婚姻的殿堂，开启了人生的新阶段。或许有的人从此以后开启了同居生活，或许有的人由此相互见了父母，或许有的人因此上交了银行卡……结婚领证，总是给生活带来了一些可以感知到的或多或少的变化。比如吃什么再也不是一个人说了算了，家庭支出也变成了两个人的事情。但是，除此之外也有一些不容易注意到的变化也在潜移默化地进行着。

新环境的碰撞——改观

你是什么样的人？关于这个问题，相信大家都有自己的想法。可能是活泼可爱的，可能是尽职尽责的……当然，这些对自己的看法不是凭空产生的，它们的确立与我们生活的环境息息相关。

“身份控制理论”（ICT）认为人们有从环境中寻求对自己身份认知（自己是怎样的人）的证实的需求（Burke, P. J. ，1996）。也就是说人们需要通过一系列环境的反馈来证实自己的身份认同（如职业、个性等）。

正是由于这个需求，人们总是试图维持他人对自己的反馈信息与自己对自己的认识的一致性，避免二者的冲突（Burke, Peter J. ，1991）。如：一个人认为自己是可靠的，如果在婚姻生活中配偶总是愿意信任他，那么这个人的自我身份认同与环境的反馈就是匹配的，他对自己是个可靠的丈夫/妻子的身份认同便得到了巩固；相反，若配偶从来都不愿意相信对方可以做好一件事情，在婚姻生活中总是不愿意相信他说的话，那么这个人的自我认知与环境给的反馈就是不一致的，他的对于自己是个可靠的丈夫/妻子的身份认同便于他感受到了他人的反馈产生了相冲突。）

所以当你结了婚，你的生活中便多了一个朝夕相处的重要他人。这个重要他人对你的态度、言语时时刻刻给你提供反馈信息，让你重新审视自己的内在身份感知。毕竟，你是个怎样的丈夫/妻子不是你一个人说的算的，还要看对方是不是也买这个账呀！而鉴于配偶只是你的爱人，而不是你肚子里的蛔虫，所以对方所给的反馈信息难免会与你对自己的感知存在偏差。

时间的力量——趋同

研究者对207对夫妻进行了一项追踪实验，分别在他们刚结婚、结婚一年后、结婚两年后，让丈夫和妻子分别评价自己和对方智力，外表，可爱，友好和理解方面的得分。结果发现，总体而言，配偶的观点明显比个人的自我观点更积极。而随着时间的推移，自我看法和配偶看法之间的差异普遍减少（Cast,&Cantwell，2007）。也就是说，新婚的时候一个人对自己的看法和配偶对他看法不不完全一致的，但是随着时间的推移，两个人的评价便慢慢地趋同了。

研究者发现:这一结果主要归功于新婚夫妻们面对着不一致时采取的两种解决方法。

• 消除误解法

这种方法便是通过自己的行为来改变对方对自己的看法，使得对方对自己的反应与自己对自己的认识是匹配的。比如，王先生一直觉得自己是个风趣的人，但是妻子却很少因为被他的言语逗笑，那么他就会通过更频繁地讲笑话、开玩笑来逗笑妻子，来告诉妻子自己其实是个风趣的人。使得妻子的符合王先生对自己的身份认知。

• 改变自我认识法

这一方法便是通过改变对自己的身份认同来匹配配偶的反应。如上文的王先生，当他发现自己并不能逗笑妻子的时候，可能会改变对自己原有的看法，认为自己原来并没有那么好笑。

而研究的确表明：尽管新婚时人们对自己的认知和他们在环境中的实际表现存在一定的偏差，但他们往往会同时使用以上两种策略，一方面使自己的行为更符合自己的认知，另一方面也因为环境的反馈而改变自己的身份认知，从而使得自己的身份认知与实际感知相一致。也就是说，婚姻会让人们对自己的角色认知更加符合实际，也会让自己的行为更贴合自己对自己的认知。

改变的迁移——扩散

此外，这种婚姻环境对婚姻中角色的自我认同的影响同样会迁移到婚姻之外的其他角色之中。比如：如果一个人在婚姻中承担的是较为女性化的角色（如打扫房子、洗衣服、购物而不是装灯泡、钉篱笆），那么随着时间的推移，他对自己的性别认同也会变得更加的女性化（如较为温和、被动，较少攻击性）（Burke, P. J. ，2006）。而这一改变正是由于自我内部不同角色的身份认同的冲突导致的。如果一个人的婚姻环境让他认为自己是男子气十足的人，那么他在婚姻以外的其他身份中也会显得比以前更加的man的。

比如说曾经放荡不羁、攻击性极强的陈小春在婚姻中成功转型为全能奶爸之后，他个人性格中的自我认同也就因此变得更加柔和了许多。相反，如果一个本来温温柔柔的小女生结婚后却天天干一些修理家电、通马桶等活，而她的丈夫却包揽了洗衣做饭的家务的话，那么她在生活中渐渐进化成一个独立的“女汉子”也不足为奇了。

最后说两句

无论如何，结婚是两个人新的一阶段人生的开始。婚姻中有许许多多的事情需要两个人共同参与、磨合。而在这过程中，除了学会如何和对方和谐相处以外，我们对自己的身份、角色的认知也在对方的反应和评价、两个人的相处模式中渐渐地发生变化。当然，这些变化最终让我们的对自己的感知与环境反馈给我们的将会变得越来越相同。

参考文献：

Burke,P.J.(1996).Social Identities and Psychosocial Stress. Psychosocial Stress: Perspectives on Structure, Theory, Life Course, and Methods, 141–174.

Burke, Peter J.1991.“Identity Processes and Social Stress.” American Sociological Review 56:836–49.

Cast, A. D., & Cantwell, A. M. (2007). Identity change in newly married couples: Effects of positive and negative feedback. Social Psychology Quarterly, 70(2), 172–185.

Burke, P. J. (2006). Identity change. Social Psychology Quarterly, 69(1), 81–96.

本期作者：张秀晴

新婚是人生的重要阶段，也是婚姻的重要阶段，有研究显示新婚阶段的离婚率高达40%，可以说是离婚可能性最高的一个阶段，毕竟都是第一次结婚没什么经验，可能会遇到很多很多的问题都不知所措，我们的新婚专题就是想为大家揭开新婚的神秘面纱，看看婚姻中我们可能会遇到哪些问题，又有什么好的应对方式。

今天我们就从同居的互动模式来开篇。从做家务来跟大家聊聊伴侣中互动这件事。

最近一档以“做家务为独特视角”来洞悉亲密关系的观察类真人秀­——《做家务的男人》火爆全网，所带话题也时常占据微博热搜榜单。节目由袁弘张歆艺夫妇、魏大勋及父母、汪苏泷尤长靖三组合向观众展示真实的家庭生活。

我看完不禁在哈哈大笑中引发了一系列思考。

每个家庭都有自己独特的模式

节目里每组家庭里的成员都有自己独特的互动模式：魏爸会撺掇魏大勋说想吃炖豆角让魏妈做菜，魏妈妈便会很开心地去做；还有就是无论袁弘做什么，张歆艺都会对其表示夸赞以及肯定，以至于夫妻在家务包括其他方面都十分融洽。

这些例子中可以看到他们仿佛有着一套自己独特的相处互动模式，于是在这里我们就需要引出两个概念——夫妻互动行为和互动模式。

“夫妻互动行为“是指夫妻在交往过程中一系列的行为互换（Bradbury & Karney，2010，P.127）。一方在另一方的面前表现了某种行为（如，批评、指责或微笑等），另一方对此行为进行惩罚式的或强化式的回应（否认指责或同意、微笑等）。例如袁弘早起准备早餐、煲汤，然后张歆艺强化式回应（肯定和夸奖），这就是他们夫妻的互动行为。

不同的互动行为便形成了不同的互动模式，各种模式都有其自身特色以及各种模式背后对夫妻双方生活的影响等，这些方面我们在后续的推送中会具体介绍，敬请关注。

互动模式的形成

其实不单单是夫妻之间会形成互动模式，同居的情侣也会因其独特的互动行为形成自己的互动模式。在同居期间，尽管与结婚生活还是有差距，但两人之间依然无法避免地有着一系列的行为互换，这是不言而喻的。许多人在结婚之前都会选择同居一段时间，当我们要了解夫妻互动行为和模式之前，或许可以先了解同居的互动行为。

互动模式并不是一朝而就的，而是在双方长期互动，各种积极行为或者消极行为的相互作用下产生的。还是拿家务分工模式来说，可能你妈妈在厨房里忙活，而你和你爸像魏大勋父子一样瘫在沙发上。然而这种“沙发二子“的家务分工模式也不是一开始就存在的，可能最初女方还是有让男方帮忙的，但是没有得到积极回应，女方于是也没有继续请求帮忙或者积极鼓励，男方更加不以为然，双方通过各自行为相互反馈内心想法，久而久之，形成如今这样的模式。

互动的形成会有多久呢？

互动行为是影响同居生活质量最近、最直接的一条路径，研究互动行为和互动模式有着重要的意义，甚至对于家庭治疗也是巨大的突破口。

然而关于“久而久之“这个时间具体是多久尚不十分明确，而且每对夫妻或者情侣的情况不尽相同。同样的以家务分工模式来说，这虽然只是生活很小很小的一部分，却也能侧面反映互动行为模式的粗略形成时间。我们也非常希望能了解大家家务分工等互动形成的时间，欢迎参加下面的互动活动！

接下来的推送我们继续带领大家了解新婚同居夫妻的互动模式的形成以及如何改善！

敬请期待！！！

关于家务的小TIP

有研究表明，对女性而言，家务满意度比公平更能预测整体关系满意度;而对于男性来说，公平和对家务分配的满意度在预测整体关系质量方面都很重要。所以想要家庭和美收心印，家务分工公平固然重要，但关键还在于是否能让双方都满意的啦。

参考文献：

Bramlett, M. D., & Mosher, w. D. (2002). Cohabitation, marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the United States. National Center for Health Statistics. Vital Health Stat, 23(22), 55.

Karney, B. R. (2010). A science of healthy relationships is not a healthy relationship science. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2(1), 42 46.

Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The Longitudinal Course of Marital quality and stability: A review of theory method and research. Psychological Bulletin,118(1), 3- -34.

Karney, B., & Bradbury, T. (1997). Neuroticism, marital interaction, and the trajectory of marital satisfaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,72, 1075- 1092.

琚晓燕. 城市新婚夫妻互动行为与婚姻质量的关系及其影响机制 (2013). Web.

延伸阅读：
ACEs & PCEs/负面与正面童年经历

关键词：
认知、社交、语言能力发育缓慢；不愿分享；难以融入集体；不安全感；家暴与忽视；抑郁；强迫症症状强化；学习障碍；过度肥胖；心脏疾病；胆小害怕；紧张状态；检举告发；依赖性增强；内敛；免疫力降低；贫富儿童差异扩大…………

Growing Up in a Pandemic: How Covid is Affecting Children’s Development成长于疫情时代：新冠疫情如何影响儿童发育

While Covid-19 is typically benign in children, the pandemic could have long-lasting impacts on society’s youngest members. With childcare programs closed and social distancing measures in place, many children are missing out on opportunities for development.

尽管新冠病毒通常在儿童群体中症状温和，但其可能对这些祖国花朵们产生持久影响。随着各种儿童看护设施的关闭以及社交距离的实施，很多儿童错失了发育的机会。

“Children are not getting the cognitive and social stimulation that they would normally get outside their home,” said Dr. Michelle Aguilar, the head of pediatrics at Venice Family Clinic in Los Angeles, California. Providers have noted delays in speech and language as well as trouble sharing and being in groups.

“孩子们并没有得到他们通常会在家庭之外得到的认知与社交刺激要素，” 加利福尼亚洛杉矶威尼斯家庭诊所儿科主任Michelle Aguilar表示。儿童服务提供者们已经注意到儿童群体中的语言发育迟缓、不愿分享、难以融入群体等迹象。

But for children, a delay in social skills may not be the only consequence of the pandemic. With many parents undergoing financial stress, children face higher rates of housing and food insecurity. And others are subject to rising rates of neglect and household dysfunction – all of which can affect a child’s trajectory into adulthood.

但对孩子们而言，社交技能的迟缓发展，可能并非疫情的唯一后果。疫情中很多父母经历着经济压力，因此孩子们在住所和饮食方面产生着更高程度的不安全感。其他一些孩子则面对着更高程度的忽视与不健康的家庭关系——所有这些都会影响孩子进入成年期的人生轨迹。

“Numerous studies have shown that early life experience and adverse life events have had a negative impact on the health and development of children,” said Aguilar.

“大量研究已经表明，早期人生经历与负面人生事件对儿童的健康与发育具有负面影响，” Aguilar表示。

In this episode of the podcast, we explore the full scope of consequences for children growing up in the Covid-19 pandemic, from the short term effects to long-term implications. We speak with experts in the field and health providers, including Venice Family Clinic’s Dr. Michelle Aguilar and early head start director, Stacey Scarborough.

在本期播客中，我们全面探讨了成长于新冠疫情时代对儿童造成的各种短期到长期影响。我们采访了该领域专家与儿童医疗服务提供者们，包括来自威尼斯家庭诊所的 Michelle Aguilar博士与早教总监 Stacey Scarborough。

Transcript/播客文本

COVID-19 is typically benign in children, usually presenting as a mild flu or nothing at all. But for society’s youngest members, the effects of the pandemic go beyond the disease itself.

新冠病毒在儿童群体中表现温和，通常表现为轻度流感或无症状。但对社会这些最年轻成员而言，这一疫情的影响远远大于疾病本身。

From the moment a child is born socializing plays an important role in their development, from learning to share to honing their language skills. But with social distancing measures in place, many kids are missing out on opportunities to play. So how is that affecting their development?

从一个孩子出生的那一刻，社交就对其发育产生着重要影响，从学习分享，到练习语言技能。但由于社交距离措施的实施，很多孩子都失去了玩耍的机会。那么，这对他们的发育有何影响呢？

I spoke with Stacey Scarborough, the head of Venice Family Clinic’s early head start program in Los Angeles, California.

就这一点，我采访了加利福尼亚洛杉矶威尼斯家庭诊所早教项目主管 Stacey Scarborough。

SCARBOROUGH: “We do see such a heightened awareness of everything. Like they’re constantly telling on their peers: ‘They touched this and didn’t wash their hands,’ ‘My mom didn’t brush my teeth.’ So they are telling everything because they have such a heightened awareness and they’re really into wrong and right at this age. So our providers have been very cautious, like, ‘What’s happening with this generation?’ They’re constantly telling on each other. So there’s a lot of mental health to help kids relax and play and not be so concerned about everything, which they are.”

Scarborough：我们的确看到了孩子们对一切都有更强烈的意识。比如，他们总是在揭发他们的同伴：“他们碰了这个，而且没有洗手，”“我妈妈没有帮我刷牙。”他们之所以总是在告状，是因为他们如今对这类事情有着更强烈的意识，而且在他们这个年龄阶段，他们非常在意是非对错。所以，我们的员工们都非常警惕，奇怪“这一代人到底是怎么了？”他们不断在相互检举揭发。所以，我们有很多医疗健康项目，帮助孩子放松、玩耍，不要像现在一样对一切都紧张得不得了。

RAFANELLI: “Do you think the lack of social interaction has affected kids in any way?”

Rafanelli：您认为社交互动的缺乏是否已经对孩子们造成了某些影响呢？

SCARBOROUGH: “Yeah. I don’t know if I can come up with a very specific story, but they’re very aware that they need to stand apart, they’re very aware that they shouldn’t touch another item that somebody has. And that’s hard for sharing. This is an age where you learn how to share and we’re kind of encouraging no sharing. And that’s a big skill that you need as an adult to bring into the workplace. They’ll learn it later, but it’s a harder thing to learn when you’ve learned not to share under trauma and then we’re going to say later in life, “You have to share. You’re not a good human being if you don’t know how to share.’ So those soft skills are tough right now to be learning when they’re supposed to be learning them.”

Scarborough：是的。我不知道我是否能想出一个具体的例子。但他们的确是非常清楚地知道他们必需和别人保持距离、不能触碰其他人地物品。而这些规则很难培养分享意识。在这个年龄，孩子们本该学习分享，而我们却在某种程度上鼓励不要分享。而且，分享，是孩子成年后进入职场所需的一项重要技能。他们在之后会学习分享，但是当你在创伤事件之中学会了不要分享，但在之后我们又会说“你必须分享，你不分享的话你就不是好人，”那么就会人们更难以学会分享。所以，在当前他们本应学会这些软技能的时期，这些软技能是很难获得的。

But interpersonal skills like sharing or learning how to work in a group are not the only areas of concern. Stacey and other providers at the clinic have noted delays in speech and language

但人际技能，比如分享、或者知道如何融入群体，并非仅有的令人担忧的方面。Stacey和诊所内其他同事也注意到了孩子们在语言方面的发育迟缓。

AGUILAR: “They’re lacking from those social interactions that they would have normally gotten from people outside their homes. They’re lacking that play time with other children.”

Aguilar：他们缺乏本来通常可以在家庭之外获得的社交互动，缺乏与其他孩子的玩耍时间。

Dr. Michelle Aguilar says during the pandemic, many kids are receiving less attention.

Michelle Aguilar 表示，在疫情期间 ，很多孩子得到的关注减少。

AGUILAR: “Many of our caregivers are now under a lot of stress and having to divide their attention to other children who are older and would have normally been at school. So the parent used to have time and attention to give to the younger child.”

Aguilar：很多看护者当前承受着很大压力，而且不得不将注意力分给通常本应在学校的那些年龄较大的孩子。父母们曾经是将时间和注意力放在年龄较小的孩子身上。

For many parents, money has become a major source of stress. With millions of Americans out of work, the pandemic’s financial fallout has been significant. And for those struggling to pay rent or put food on the table, providing for their children’s basic needs can be difficult. During the pandemic, housing and food insecurity have skyrocketed, at the same time as rates of domestic abuse and neglect have increased. These kinds of stressful events, referred to as adverse childhood experiences, can have long-term consequences.

对很多父母而言，很大一部分压力是经济压力。随着数百万美国人失业，疫情造成了严重的经济后果。对那些难以支付房租或食物的父母来说，满足孩子的基本需求就会变得困难。在疫情期间，住房与食物不安全感飙升，同时，家暴与忽视发生率攀升。这类充满压力的事件，被称为负面儿童经历，会产生长期后果。

AGUILAR: “So studies have demonstrated that adverse childhood experiences have detrimental effects on brain development and overall health. So we see long-term effects: learning disabilities, depression, obesity, heart conditions. So, it does have a huge impact.”

Aguilar：研究已经表明，负面童年经历会对大脑发育与整体健康产生危害。所以我们会看到长期后果：学习障碍、抑郁、过度肥胖、心脏疾病等。所以其的确影响巨大。

RAFANELLI: “Have you had any patients that have experienced what you would consider an adverse childhood experience because of the pandemic?”

Rafanelli：在你的患者中，是否有人经历过在你看来是因疫情导致的某种负面童年经历呢？

AGUILAR: “I would say yes. Families have had to separate when a caregiver or a family member becomes ill. They’ve had to separate for some time to stay with other family members, so they do not get exposed. Housing insecurity: having to move into multi-generational homes that are now crowded. So, yes there have been ongoing adverse childhood experience due to the pandemic leading to toxic stress.”

Aguilar：我会说是。当某位看护人或家庭成员患病时，家庭必需分开。他们不得不离开这位家人，去和其他家庭成员生活一段时间，以避免被感染。而在住房不安全感方面，一些孩子不得不和多代人同堂的家人生活在一起，导致非常拥挤。所以，是的，的确是有因为疫情而导致的持续存在的负面童年经历，这些经历给孩子们带来充满危害的压力。

The pandemic’s effects on children are not only catching the attention of parents and pediatricians. A handful of researchers are looking closely at the issue, including Dr. Rashmita Mistry, a professor in the department of education at the University of California at Los Angeles.”

疫情对孩子们的影响不仅仅受到了父母和儿科医生们的关注。一些研究人员也在密切关注这一问题，其中就包括洛杉矶加利福尼亚大学教育系教授 Rashmita Mistry 博士。

Dr. Mistry is interested in how major historical events affect the children who live through them. She’s the author of a recent study on how the pandemic is likely to affect children’s health and wellbeing.

Mistry博士感兴趣的研究内容是重大历史事件对经历这些事件的儿童们有何影响。她也是最近一项关于疫情可能对儿童健康与幸福产生何种影响的研究结果的作者。

RAFANELLI: “So what are the long-term implications of experiencing a pandemic at a young age?”

Rafanelli：在低龄时期经历疫情，有何长期影响呢？

MISTRY: “So let’s take the example of children’s cognitive development and academic achievement. So there’s really strong, compelling evidence that, especially for children from lower income households and backgrounds, that access to high quality early childcare programming really helps lessen some of the achievement gaps that have been documented for children from wealthier families and households as compared to lower income households. So if the pandemic hits, and a parent loses their job and their child care provider is shut down because of concerns around the spread of the virus or their provider shut down because they can no longer afford to stay open or because the parent can’t afford to send their child to that program because they can’t afford it, then the child has lost access to critical resources that are likely to help support not only their cognitive development, but also their mastery of basic foundational academic skills, as well as key social emotional learning that we know happens in early childcare programs and spaces. And that’s not to say that parents can’t and don’t do a lot of that support at home, but for lower income children, we know access to high quality early childcare programs are also really, really important and instrumental.”

Mistry：让我们以儿童的认知发育与学习成绩为例。有很有力的证据表明，尤其是针对来自低收入家庭和背景的儿童而言，有机会获得优质早期儿童看护项目，从书面数据信息来看，能够有效缩小来自富裕家庭与叫低收入家庭孩子之间的成就差距。所以，如果疫情来袭，一位父母失业，而其孩子所在的幼托机构又因为病毒扩散之担忧而被关闭，或因无法承担疫情期间继续营业而主动关闭，或儿童父母已承担不起继续在这一机构就读的费用，那么，孩子就失去了获得关键资源的机会，而这种关键资源本可能不仅会促进他们的认知发育，也有助于他们掌握基本学科知识，以及早期儿童看护活动与机构中普遍提供的关键社交情商学习内容。这并不是说父母在家无法提供很多支持，但是对低收入家庭的孩子而言，我们知道，获得高品质早期看护服务，真的至关重要。

These kinds of disruptions, don’t just cause temporary setbacks. Dr. Mistry says they can have consequences that continue throughout the long-term.

这种干扰，不仅导致短暂的退步，而且还会产生长期影响。

MISTRY: “So we’re now moving beyond the pandemic, the child is a four or five-year-old enrolled in school and they’re going to maybe start a little bit further behind in terms of that key foundational academic knowledge or those kind of social, emotional skills. So they’re going to have more catch up to do. But the child, let’s say for example, is attending a neighborhood school in a lower-income community that maybe doesn’t have the same level of resources or the same level of teacher qualifications or is just under-resourced in ways that better funded public schools might not be. So that child’s educational experience is further compromised in that circumstance.

Mistry：比如说，疫情结束，孩子四到五岁，读书了，他们可能就会在关键基本学科知识或社交和情商技能方面较为落后，因此他们就会需要花大量时间精力去追赶。但这个孩子，比如说，就读的学校是一个低收入社区内的社区范围学校，与一些资金更充足的公立学校相比，这个学校可能并不具备的同水平资源或教师资质，或者在一些方面完全资源不足。这样，孩子的教育经历就进一步受到冲击。

Had that child been able to attend a higher quality school maybe that catch-up would have happened and would have been sufficient, but if that child then continues to attend an under-resourced school that is struggling in its own ways due to a lack of public funding and support, then that child’s cognitive and academic and social, emotional development is going to continue to be compromised in ways that are important. And we know that the third grade is this critical transition point. It’s not super fatalistic. But we know that if you haven’t really mastered those foundational skills by then, then those disparities just continue to widen, so kids continue to fall back or move forward based on these early educational opportunities and skills. So it’s really this like cascading effect. And again, if there aren’t points in the system to catch it and correct it, then what’s likely to happen is that there’s just going to be this accumulation of shocks and disruptions and disadvantages that are going to continue to play out.”

倘若孩子能够就读更好的学校，可能就能够完全追赶上去，但如果这个孩子继续就读一个因为缺乏公共资金和支持而艰难存续的、资源不足的学校，那么这个孩子的认知、学业、社交和情商发展都会受到严重掣肘。我们知道，三年级是一个关键过渡期，倒也并不是说一锤定终生，但我们知道，如果在三年级之前你还没有掌握这些基本技能，那么这些差距只会继续扩大，孩子会在之前早期教育机会与技能的基础上，要么继续落后，要么继续进步。所以，真的就像是级联效应（瀑布效应）。这时，如果在整个系统过程中没有在某个阶段去捕捉并纠正这一趋势，那么，很可能发生的情形是，接下来就是越来越多的各种冲击、干扰和劣势继续充分发挥影响。

RAFANELLI: “So it seems like you’re saying that economic resources–child’s socioeconomic status–plays a major role in their healthy development. But can you talk more about how the pandemic, specifically, plays into this?”

Rafanelli：听起来你好像是说经济资源——孩子的社会经济地位——在孩子得健康发育中扮演者主要角色。但你能具体讲一下疫情在这方面的影响吗？

MISTRY: “The pandemic in some ways is making a lot of this a lot more visible. It’s been there for a while, at least speaking within a U.S. context. Issues around childhood poverty have existed. We have almost one in four children pre-pandemic that were living in families that were officially designated as poor. And so poverty is not new in the pandemic. It’s been elevated.

Mistry：这次疫情从一些角度上放大了这种现象的很多方面。这种现象已经存在了很长一段时间，至少在美国是如此。童年贫困相关问题早已存在。在疫情之前，每4个孩子中就有一位是生活在官方认定的贫困家庭中的。因此，贫困并不是什么疫情期间的新生事物，而只是更严重化了。

Clinicians, caregivers notice the effects of the pandemic on child development 门诊医生、儿童看护人员注意到疫情对儿童发育的影响

As somewhat normalcy returns to cities across the U.S., caregivers are noticing the pandemic’s impediment to child development. Experts are observing that children coming into speech-language pathology clinics are showing symptoms of literacy delays, language delays and timidity.

随着美国各城市在一定程度上慢慢恢复正常，儿童看护人员注意到了疫情对儿童发育所产生的负面影响。专家们观察到，前往语言病理门诊就诊的儿童表现出读写能力发育迟缓、语言发育迟缓和怯懦等。

“When the pandemic started, people didn’t want to be social,” said Chandler Dotson, a speech-language pathologist, or SLP, based in California with eight years of experience.

“在疫情刚开始时，人们不想社交，”在加利福尼亚工作，有着8年经验的语言病理学家（SLP） Chandler Dotson说道。

Children who have been isolated at home since the beginning of the pandemic, during the most important years of development, have had issues assimilating back into social settings.

从疫情之处就被隔离在家的孩子们，在最重要的发育时期，表现出了难以融入社交场合的问题。

Small children born during the pandemic, colloquially dubbed ‘COVID babies,’ “were only in the house with their parents, and their parents didn’t really require them to say a lot of things that the world would require of them,” Dotson said.

出生于疫情期间的低龄幼童，被人们称为“新冠宝宝”，他们“只能和父母待在家中，而且父母们往往不像这个世界一样需要他们讲很多话，” Dotson说。

Children today are much more reserved than they used to be, Dotson added, attributing this change to a lack of diverse social interaction. Dotson said her patients express a newfound hesitancy towards playing with other children or exploring toys.

当今的孩子与以前相比更加内敛得多，Dotson补充说。他将这一变化归因于缺乏多样化社交互动。Dotson说她的患者们如今在和其他孩子玩耍，以及探索玩具方面都开始表现出了之前没有的犹豫态度。

“They’re shy. They’re almost timid and scared to a certain extent,” said Micheala Fryer, another SLP based in Alabama.

“他们很害羞。他们几乎在一定程度上胆小且感到害怕，” 另一位位于阿拉巴马的SLP专家 Micheala Fryer表示。

Natalie King, a graduate medical sciences student at Boston University, has noticed these changes in her 6-year-old nephew.

“When he sneezes, he sneezes into the air and doesn’t cover his nose with his elbow because he is so used to sneezing with a mask on and not having to cover his face,” King said.

波士顿大学的一位医疗科学研究生 Natalie King在自己6岁的侄子身上也注意到了这些变化。“当他打喷嚏时，他直接就打，而不是用肘部遮住鼻子，因为他已经习惯了带着口罩打喷嚏。”

Children who have grown up during the pandemic have adopted life with coronavirus guidelines as their version of normal. This can hinder their ability to understand and reciprocate common social cues.

疫情中长大的孩子已经将新冠预防指南纳入了自己的常态生活。这可能会阻碍他们理解和应用我们常用的社交信号。

Dotson said that communication with others could become complicated without being exposed to facial expressions due to masks. Her patients would be confused when she made a sarcastic comment or joke.

Dotson 表示，在被口罩遮住面部表情的情况下，与他人之间的沟通会变得复杂。当她说一些反讽的话或者看玩笑时，她的患者会感到困惑。

“It was almost like they can’t tell if you’re kidding,” Dotson said.

Fryer noted that the pandemic caused some kids to develop an increased dependency on adults.

“几乎就像是他们根本分辨不出你是不是在开玩笑，” Dotson说。

Fryer 指出，这一疫情，导致了一些孩子对成年人更加依赖。

“When we had to do virtual therapy, a lot of my kids were not able to participate independently,” Fryer said. “They had to be accompanied by a parent, grandparent, caregiver of some sort just to help them participate in a therapy session.”

“我们不得不网上诊疗时，很多孩子无法独立参与，” Fryer说，“他们需要有一位父母、祖父母或看护人之类的成年人帮助他们参与诊疗。

She explained that this dependency is not completely negative. This increased engagement can allow caregivers to become more knowledgeable about their child’s condition and wellbeing.

她解释说，这种依赖也并非完全是坏事。看护人更多参与，可以让看护人更了解孩子的状况与身心健康状态。

Adrian Rzepnick, an SLP and clinical director currently based in Boston with more than 40 years of experience, said an unintended effect of the pandemic is that many ‘COVID babies’ have not been exposed to prevalent germs, making them more prone to catching and spreading colds and flu viruses.

“They have zero natural immunity due to restricted environments and masks,” Rzepnick said. “ I think we will have community-acquired infections for the next one to two years.”

Adrian Rzepnick，位于波士顿，有着40年职业经验的SLP和门诊主管说道，这一疫情还有一个连带后果，即，很多”新冠宝宝“们没有暴露于一些常见病菌之下，这就让他们更易于感染和传播感冒和流感病毒。

”由于环境受限以及佩戴口罩，他们几乎没有天然免疫能力，” Rzepnic说，“我认为，在接下来的一到两年，我们会看到一些社群感染病例。”

Despite many initial concerns, both experts and caregivers have observed some positive results in mask-wearing.

“Because [my nephew] had to wear a mask for so long, he doesn’t suck his fingers anymore,” King said.

Body language is another area in which pandemic children are far more advanced than pre-pandemic children. Because they compensate for a face hidden behind a mask, pandemic children have learned to become more expressive in their communication and body language.

“The students who were focused on reading mouths were forced to learn to read the entire face, body, cheeks, posture and body orientation,” Rzepnick said.

尽管最初有很多担忧，但专家和看护者们也观察到了佩戴口罩所带来的一些积极影响。

“因为（我侄子）不得不这么长时间佩戴口罩，他已经不再吮吸手指了，” King说。

而肢体语言方面，也是疫情儿童与疫情前儿童群体相比表现更佳的领域。因为肢体语言可以弥补被遮挡的面部表情，因此疫情儿童们已经学会了在沟通和和肢体语言中更有效去表达。

“曾经只专心观察唇部动作的学生们现在被迫去观察整个面部、肢体、面颊、体态和身体方向，” Rzepnic说。

Younger children have adjusted surprisingly well to all the pandemic demands, but older children have had a more difficult time transitioning.

From having frequent social interaction with other children at school and playgrounds, school-age kids have had to make numerous compensations and lifestyle adjustments. Because of these difficult transitions, Fryer said that progress in her patients has been slower throughout the pandemic.

更低龄的孩子对疫情需求表现出了出人意料的出色调整适应能力，但年龄较大的孩子则较难以调整适应。

从之前在学校和游乐园与其他孩子频繁社交互动，到疫情期间，学龄儿童不得不做出众多补偿和生活方式调整。因为这些充满挑战的种种过渡，Fryer说，她的患者在整个疫情之间的进展一直都较为缓慢。

“I would go as far to say that school-age kids were hit the hardest. It’s hard to say if it was a lack of progress, or if it’s just slower progress being made because they’re having to overcome so many other things going on in their lives,” Fryer said.

With coronavirus cases declining in the U.S., children will have to adjust and shed the masks that protocols that they have adapted to. Their inherent naivety allows them to adapt to their environment and sometimes even find joy in these changes.

“我甚至可以说，学龄儿童是受冲击最大的。很难说是缺乏进展，还是他们需要克服生活中在发生的其他众多事情，因此进展缓慢。” Fryer说。

随着新冠病例在美国下降，孩子们将不得不进行调整，摘下口罩，抛掉他们曾经已经适应了的众多规则。

他们固有的天真纯粹让他们能够适应新环境，有时甚至能在这种变化中找到乐趣。

The children themselves may be unaware of how the pandemic has affected them and will continue to affect them, but speech-language pathologists are thinking about a post-pandemic future with both hope and possible concern.

Rzepnick said she expects to see children in the future with “literacy and language delays that may take up to two to three years to meet age level expectations.”

孩子们自身可能根本就没有意识到这一疫情对他们产生了怎样的影响，将继续对他们产生怎样的影响，但语言病理学家们对后疫情时代则是希望与担忧并存。

Rzepnic说，她预计会看到未来的孩子“在读写能力和语言方面发育迟缓，可能需要两到三年时间才能赶上相应年龄预期水平。”

However, she believes that social skills will be able to develop naturally for most children, noting that some kids with underlying disorders “may be behind due to behavioral delays and lack of group therapy opportunities with peers.”

Dotson recommends daycare as early as possible to see the explosion of language and social pragmatics possible in young children.

These effects can also be reversed with some purposeful attention from the adults in these children’s lives.

“I’ve been telling this to all of the caregivers, all the parents I work with: just talk to your child. Just talk to them,” Fryer said.

但是，她认为，大多数孩子的社交技能会自然而然得到发展，同时指出，一些存在着某些障碍的孩子“可能会因为行为发育迟缓和缺乏与同伴一起的集体治疗机会而落后”。

Dotson建议尽早开始孩子的托管早教，以实现语言的爆炸发育和与年龄相符的社交语用（在社交活动中使用语言并与他人互动）能力。

如果儿童生命中的一些成年人能够专门针对上面提到的负面效应而给予关注，也可以逆转这些负面效应。

“我一直告诉我患者的所有看护者和所有父母们：和你的孩子多说话，多多益善！” Fryer 说到。

there’s reason to be optimistic 有理由保持乐观

In the current pandemic, researchers have already observed a rise in symptoms of depression among kids, and a worsening of symptoms in children and teens who already had obsessive-compulsive disorder. Ann Masten, a developmental psychologist who studies resilience at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, worries about children whose pandemic experience is compounded by other adversities such as poverty. But on the whole, she says, there’s reason to be optimistic about children’s long-term resilience. Parents can help by building a reassuring — and fun — environment at home.

当前疫情中，研究人员已经注意到了儿童群体中抑郁症状攀升，已经患有强迫症的低龄儿童和青少年症状加剧。位于明尼阿波利斯的明尼苏达大学的发展心理学家 Ann Masten将抗压能力作为其主要研究领域。她担心那些在疫情中还经历着诸如贫穷之类的其他负面因素的孩子。但整体上，她说，我们对孩子的长期抗压能力还是有理由保持乐观的。父母们可以在家中建立一种安抚和有趣的家庭环境。

**“resilience science.” What does that mean, and where did it come from?
“抗压力学”，具体是指什么？来源于何处？**

Resilience science is about how people — or families or communities or economies — adapt to challenges. It emerged around 1970, after World War II brought attention to the ways children are affected by traumas: concentration camps in the Holocaust, for example, or evacuations in the UK. Researchers, some of whom experienced the war when they were young, were trying to figure out what protects people from trauma or allows them to recover, so we could learn how to help others.

抗压力（韧性）学是关于人们或家庭或社群或经济如何适应挑战。其出现于1970年左右，在二战之后，让人们开始去关注创伤对儿童产生的影响：比如来自犹太大屠杀时期的集中营，或者英国的儿童以及老弱妇女转移计划等事件所留下的创伤。研究人员们，其中一些在人生早期也经历过战争，他们试图针对“是什么避免人们受到创伤影响，或让他们能够恢复”而找出答案，从而能够帮助他人。

We study different adversities, ranging from natural disasters to parents with mental health problems, to abuse or divorce — all kinds of challenges. I’m interested in how adversity affects development of social, emotional and learning skills, and impacts lifelong well-being. For example, how are kids getting along with other kids? Are they following the rules of the classroom and home, are they showing good academic achievement? Ultimately, we study outcomes most parents would hope for their children: to find their place in society and be happy.

我们研究不同负面事件，从自然灾难到精神健康有问题的父母，到虐待或离婚——各种挑战。我感兴趣的方向是，负面事件对社交、情绪和学习能力有何影响，对长期人生幸福有何影响。例如，孩子们与其他孩子相处得如何？他们是否遵守课堂和家庭中得规则？他们是否展现出良好的学习成绩？最终，我们研究大多数父母都会希望孩子实现的人生状态：在社会中找到属于自己的位置，幸福快乐。

**What does this kind of research tell us about resilience?
这类研究在抗压能力方面告诉了我们什么呢？**

There are an awful lot of kids who overcome risk and adversity and develop and do well. Years ago, I formulated what I call the shortlist: the resilience factors that kept coming up in studies of children and youth in many different situations.

有非常多的孩子克服了风险与逆境，实现了良好发展而且获得了不错的成就。多年前，我总结了一份清单：在针对很多不同情形中儿童与青少年的研究中，不断重复出现的一些抗压能力因素。

Having close relationships with caring, competent adults is always at the top of the list. In addition, children do better when they have good planning and thinking skills, but also when they believe in themselves, feel a sense of belonging and are motivated to achieve. As children get older, having a sense of purpose and meaning in life is an important protective factor. Kids with several of these factors, nurtured by resilient families and schools, are in a strong position to overcome adversity.

与充满关爱、有充足能力的成年人有亲密关系，始终占据该清单首位。另外，如果孩子具备良好的规划与思考能力，相信自己、有归属感，而且有上进心时，他们会获得更好成就。随着孩子年龄增长，有目标感和人生意义感，是一项非常重要的保护因素。有着上述因素中数项，在抗压能力强的家庭和学校中成长的孩子，更可能克服负面事件。

**In the face of such adversity, can we expect kids to be resilient?
面对如此负面经历，我们能期望孩子具有抗压能力吗？**

There’s reason to be optimistic. Research has shown us there’s tremendous recovery over time, once things get to a new normal. As activities like school and sports are restored, they can be powerful contributors to recovery.

我们还是有理由持乐观态度的。研究已经表明，当一切进入一种新常态，随着时间推移，孩子们会实现极大程度上的恢复。当诸如学校和体育活动恢复正常，他们将会非常有益于孩子们的恢复。

**What can parents do now to promote resilience in their kids?
家长们现在可以如何提升孩子的抗压能力？**

Listen to kids. Answer questions as honestly as you can, but in an age-appropriate and reassuring way.

倾听孩子。尽可能坦诚回答孩子的问题，但采用一种与孩子年龄相符、安抚的方式。

Maintain daily routines. Make sure there are opportunities to play: board games, puzzles, exercising together outside. And also, figure out ways to carry on with special occasions and celebrations, to the degree that that’s feasible. All these actions provide a sense that things are OK.

保持日常惯例。确保有玩耍机会：棋牌类游戏、拼图、一起到外面健身运动。另外，想办法在可行范围内继续开展一些特殊场合和庆祝场合的活动。所有这些活动都会让孩子感觉：一切都很好。

One of the most powerful protective factors in human life is hope, so another important one is to make plans for what you want to do when the pandemic ends.

人生中最强大的保护因素之一，是希望，因此，另一项重要建议，就是为疫情结束后制定一些想要去做的计划。

But one of the most important things parents can do is remember that they are the bedrock. They are providing a sense of belonging and security, and teaching by their own behavior and example. Make sure you’re taking care of your own health and well-being.

但还有一项最重要的，是父母要记住，他们是孩子的基石。父母给孩子提供一种归属感和安全感，孩子从父母的个人行为与示范中学习。因此，确保你照顾好自己的健康和心态。

**You coined the use of the term “surge capacity” in resilience. How does that apply in the current crisis?
你提出了一个关于抗压能力的词汇：应急能力。这如何适用于当前危机？**

In disaster research, surge capacity（The ability of a community or health care system to respond to sudden increases in demand for services or emergency help, e.g., after a multiple casualty incident.） is about having the resources ready to go. For example if a hurricane arrives, do you have the extra capacity to get emergency services out there?

在灾难研究中，应急能力（在一场多重伤亡事故中，面对剧增的服务与急救需求，一个社群或医疗体系的应对能力）是指有足够资源随时待用。比如，当飓风来袭，你是否有额外的能力向受灾者提供急救服务。

I simply observed that people, including parents and teachers, also have surge capacity. We can often mobilize extra energy. Parents do this all the time, for example by stepping up their game when their kids are sick.

我观察到人们，包括父母和老师们，也有应急能力。我们通常能够调动额外的能量。父母们经常这样做，比如，当他们孩子生病时，他们会爆发出超出平时的能力。

But they can’t do it indefinitely, at a high rate. That’s when people begin to feel fatigued and depleted. There are a lot of worn-out parents out there, who can’t afford to hire a teacher or nanny.

但这种状态无法高强度无限期延续。这也是为什么人们开始感到疲倦和能量耗竭。社会上有很多像这样被“燃尽”（彻底倦怠，身心俱疲）、无法承担雇佣老师或保姆费用的父母。

**What have we learned already?
我们从中已经得到了哪些启示？**

We usually have takeaway lessons from major disasters, and from this one, I hope we learn that we’ve under-invested in children and families for a long time. For example, many schools don’t have enough space or great ventilation. And even before the pandemic, teachers were burned out, overloaded with large classes and workloads. We didn’t have educational surge capacity, we didn’t provide much support to parents, and now we’re hanging on by our fingernails. We need to invest in the systems, buildings and personnel that support kids and families and education.

我们通常从大型灾难中可以学到一些经验教训。从疫情中，我希望我们意识到，我们很久以来对儿童和家庭的投入是不足的。例如，很多学校没有足够空间或良好的通风系统。而且，甚至在疫情之前，教师们也是处于职业倦怠状态，因课堂学生过多和教学任务过重而超负荷运转。我们没有教育应急能力，我们没有为父母提供很多支持，而现在我们正处于命悬一线的状态。我们需要对儿童、家庭和教育支持体系、相关建筑和相关专业人员提供更大投入。

原文链接：
https://knowablemagazine.org/article/mind/2021/kids-covid-generation-road-ahead
https://thescopeboston.org/7877/news/clinicians-caregivers-notice-the-effects-of-the-pandemic-on-child-development/
https://www.directrelief.org/2021/01/growing-up-in-the-midst-of-a-pandemic-how-covid-is-affecting-childrens-development/

延伸阅读：
剖析 “煤气灯式心理操纵（Gaslighting）”
感恩勿强求 & 内疚心理操纵
四步应对心理操纵
三种常见操控陷阱
常见的15种逻辑谬误——吵架必读，受益终生
杀人放火金腰带——Dark Triad/黑暗三性格
自恋型母亲以及三种子女类型
Shame on you！羞辱者！
15种常见的心理防御机制
内向/隐性自恋者（Introverted/Covert Narcissist）

目录

1. Lying|撒谎
2. Insinuating Comments|拐弯抹角
3. Discourage and Criticize|泼冷水与批评
4. Diminish and Dismiss|贬低、不屑
5. Monitor and Stalk|监视和跟踪
6. Intrude and Interrupt|肆意打断对方
7. Deflection, Diversion, and Evasion|转移、逃避、顾左右而言他
8. Amplification|夸大缺点
9. Emotional Blackmail|情感勒索
10. Emotional Barriers|情绪阻碍
11. Guilt Trip|内疚操控
12. Inappropriate Restrictions|不当限制
13. Threats|威胁
14. Objectifying|物化
15. Shaming|羞辱
16. Blaming|指责
17. Invalidation|不认可
18. Silent Treatment|冷战
19. Negative Reinforcement|负面强化
20. Positive Reinforcement|正面强化
21. Hurt and Rescue|先伤害再救助
22. Love Bombing|爱意轰炸
23. Crazy Making|摧毁对方理智
24. Gaslighting|煤气灯操纵
25. Rationalization|合理化
26. Infantilize|婴儿化
27. Triangulation|挑拨离间
28. Splitting|二元割裂
29. Double Blind|进退两难
30. Double-Mindedness|口是心非
31. Doublethink|双重思想
32. Covert Aggressive Abuse|隐性攻击型虐待
33. Setting up to Fail|故意让对方失败出糗
34. Moving the Goalpost|移动球门
35. Feigning Innocence or Confusion|假装无辜或困惑
36. Vilifying the Victim|对受害者倒打一耙
37. Playing the Victim Role|扮演受害者角色
38. Minimization|轻描淡写
39. Symbolic Aggression|象征性攻击
40. Trance|痴迷
41. Brandishing Anger|发泄怒火
42. Brainwashing|洗脑
43. Scapegoating|替罪羊
44. Gang Stalking|团伙跟踪

One of the most damaging things in a person’s life may be an abusive or manipulative relationship.

一个人一生中最有害的事物之一，可能就是一段虐待型或操纵型感情关系了。

Many times we are blind to the manipulation tactics and narcissist control tactics that the people we love use against us.

很多时候，当操纵策略或自恋者控制策略来自于我们所爱之人时，我们往往完全意识不到。

These Manipulation Tactics and narcissist control tactics work to erode, suppress, subjugates, and degrades the victim’s sense of self and diminishes their social standing in an effort to dominate and control.

这些操纵策略和自恋者控制策略旨在侵蚀、压抑、压制和贬低受害者的自我认知，贬低受害者社会地位，从而达到主导和控制受害者之目的。

The people whom we are closest to and depend on the most can also be some of the biggest obstacles in achieving happiness or finding success.

我们最亲近、最依赖之人同时也可能成为我们获得幸福或成功的最大障碍。

Relationships with an abusive or manipulative person can be impossible to change, sometimes it is better to walk away and move on with your on life so that you can grow as a person and reach your full potential.

与虐待者或操纵者之间的关系可能会完全无法改变，有时，更好的办法是离开这段关系，继续自己的生活，让自己正常成长发展、充分实现自己的个人潜能。

This too may seem difficult or even impossible when it is a parent, spouse, or other significant person in your life.

但当这个人是你的父母、配偶或你生命中的其他重要角色时，上述应对办法可能就很难实施，或甚至完全不可能实施。

What Is Manipulation? 什么是操纵

Manipulation refers to activities performed by a person to try to manipulate others, generally in a false or destructive way, in the context of a relationship. Psychological manipulation entails using false or distorted strategies to persuade someone to modify their behaviors or beliefs.

操纵，是指：在一段人际关系之中，一个人为操纵其他人而采取的行动，而且这些行动通常具有欺骗性或破坏性。在心理操纵中，会使用一些具有欺骗性或别有用心的策略去劝说某个人改变他的行为或信念。

Emotional manipulation employs the same techniques to elicit strong emotional responses with the intent of draining a person’s energy or destabilizing their emotional well-being.

情绪操纵采用同样的策略去引发对方强烈的情绪反应，目的是让对方心神俱疲，或让对方情绪失衡。

According to psychologists, toxic cycles of violence, narcissism, or poor connections in the manipulator’s own upbringing can frequently be the fundamental cause of manipulative conduct.

心理学家们认为，操纵者被抚育过程中的暴力、自恋或不良关系等毒性循环，通常是他们操纵行为的根本原因。

Manipulation can occur in every type of connection, including family, friends, professional, romantic, or sexual interactions.

操纵行为可以发生在任何关系类型之中，其中包括家庭、朋友、职业、爱情或性关系。

44 HARMFUL MANIPULATION TACTICS USED BY NARCISSISTS, PSYCHOPATHS, AND SOCIOPATHS 自恋者、精神病态者和反社会人格者使用的 44种操纵策略

1. Lying|撒谎

A lie is a false statement deliberately presented as the truth. Some manipulators will say anything to get what they want.

They will do it frequently and improve over time until it comes naturally. They also use lies of omission which means instead of making deceptive statements, they simply withhold the truth.

The goal of omission is to isolate the victim behind a wall of secrecy in order to exploit the fact that they are unaware of some important knowledge to him or her.

谎言，是故意描述为真相的虚假陈述。一些操纵者为了达到个人目的会采用任何说辞。

他们会频繁撒谎，撒谎水平不断提升，直至张口即来。他们同时也会采用隐匿性谎言，即，并非做出虚假陈述，而只是隐匿真相。

隐匿的目的，是将受害者隔离在一堵隐秘之墙背后，从而防止受害者获知一些对其重要的信息。

2. Insinuating Comments|拐弯抹角

The manipulator knows the victim’s weaknesses and buttons.

They purposely push and pull on these to get a reaction. Often they will speak with double entendres or innuendos to confuse and hurt the victim simultaneously while maintaining plausible deniability of any hurtful intention.

The goal is to drain the victim emotionally, wear them down, and to feed the manipulator’s ego or sense of power/control.

操纵者了解受害者的所有弱点和易触发点。

他们为了获得一些反应，会故意去刺激这些弱点和易触发点。通常，ta们会采用指桑骂槐或是拐弯抹角的言论，这些言论既让受害者感到疑惑，又深受伤害，同时还能让操纵者义正言辞地否认自己有伤害对方的本意。

这种行为的目的是让对方从情绪上感到被耗竭，不断打压消磨对方，从而来填补操纵者的自尊感和权力/控制感。

3. Discourage and Criticize|泼冷水与批评

The criticism is not for negative behaviors but rather to discourage positive outlets the victim may have to express themselves.

Any attempts to join a social club, team, or organization will be discouraged, undermined, or sabotaged by the manipulator. Any attempts to be creative artistically, musically, or otherwise will be criticized and the victim’s work belittled.

The goal is to crush the victim’s self-esteem and isolate the person from anything which might garnish him or her praise or attention from others.

这类批评并非针对负面行为，而是旨在打击受害者可能需要用来表达自我的任何积极渠道。

受害者无论是想要加入一个社交俱乐部，一个团队或一个组织，都会被操纵者泼冷水、阻碍或搞破坏。受害者无论是在艺术方面、音乐方面或其他方面想要做出一些创作，也会被批评或贬低。

这类行为的目的是击垮受害者自尊，阻止受害者获得成就、赞美或关注。

4. Diminish and Dismiss|贬低、不屑

The victim’s ideas, opinions, or cries for help, are either verbally or non-verbally (eye-roll, smug smile, scoffs, etc.) diminished, dismissed, overlooked, undervalued, or simply ignored.

The goal is to make the victim less willing to voice their wishes or grievances.

When multiple people work together with these manipulation tactics against the victim this can leave him or her completely isolated and vulnerable with a strong feeling of hopelessness and nowhere to turn.

受害者的想法、观点或求助声，都被以明说或暗示（翻白眼、得意地笑、讥笑等）方式贬低、不屑、忽略、低估或完全置若罔闻。

这种行为的目的是打击受害者表达个人想法和不满的意愿。

当多个人一起对受害者采用这类策略时，就会让受害者完全被隔绝，非常脆弱，并且产生强烈的无望无助感。

5. Monitor and Stalk|监视和跟踪

The manipulator is always present, lurking behind the victim’s back, or from a good safe distance, keeping an eye on him or her.

If the manipulator is narcissistic or psychopathic it is common for them to monitor the victim’s computer or phone, and even use surveillance equipment in order to follow the person’s every move.

The goal here is simple, maintain knowledge of everything the victim says and does, their coming and goings, and who they know.

操纵者总是潜伏在受害者背后，或者远距离一直监视着。

如果操纵者是自恋者或精神病态者，那么他们通常会监控受害者的电脑或手机，甚至会使用监控设备，跟踪受害者的所有举动。

这种行为的目的很简单，即，完全掌握受害者的一言一行，行踪轨迹以及社交圈子。

6. Intrude and Interrupt|肆意打断对方

The manipulator has no respect for another person’s boundaries, they will say and do whatever they please in front of, behind the back of, or towards their victims, regardless of objections or morals.

If done covertly the victim will have no idea what damage has been done until it’s too late. The goal of this manipulation tactic is to cut the victim off from speaking up, gaining support, or making positive changes, either for themselves or the people around them. (Also known as enmeshment.)

操纵者完全不会尊重受害者的个人界限，他们无论在受害者面前或背后，都会肆意妄为地大放厥词、行为放肆，毫不顾忌别人反对，毫无道德可言。

如果这种行为采取隐蔽方式，受害者意识到被伤害时则为时已晚。这种操纵策略的目的是防止受害者为自己或周围之人发声、获得帮助、做出积极改变。（这种策略也被称为“缠住”）

7. Deflection, Diversion, and Evasion|转移、逃避、顾左右而言他

When the manipulator is asked a direct question or called out on a lie, they will either deflect the conversation back onto the victim, “How dare you accuse me of that!” or they will steer the conversation onto another topic as a diversion, or will give an irrelevant, vague, and meaningless response instead.

The goal is to create confusion, throw the victim off balance, and avoid any responsibility for their actions.

当操纵者被问及一个直接问题，或谎言被揭露时，他们要么会将话题直接转移到受害者身上：“你怎么敢这么说我！”，或者转移话题，或者给出一个不相关、模糊或毫无意义的回复。

其目的是为了让对方困惑，打乱对方思路，逃避对个人行为的责任。

8. Amplification|夸大缺点

The manipulator will shout out your failures and whisper your successes. Any limelight the victim deserves will be diminished.

Their accomplishments will go unnoticed and their shortcomings will be broadcast far and wide. The goal is to drain the victim of the energy to be successful, to make them doubt themselves, so that the manipulator can be the center of attention at all times while belittling the victim.

操纵者会大声宣扬你的失败，但对你的成功却尽可能轻描淡写。受害者本该得到的所有关注赞美都会被贬低得一文不值。

他们的成就被无视，他们的缺点被广而告之。目的是为了消除受害者获得成功的能量，让受害者自我质疑，这样操纵者就可以在贬低受害者的过程中始终成为关注焦点了。

9. Emotional Blackmail|情感勒索

Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity, and self-esteem, manipulators will threaten to withhold the emotional support the victim desires or needs, or even take it away altogether, making the person feel that he or she must meet the demands of the manipulator.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to ensure that the victim feels afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way, or guilty if they resist.

操纵者知道身边某个人想要爱、身份认可或确认，和自尊感，对于受害者所渴望或需要的精神支持，操纵者会威胁不给予，甚至完全不给予，让受害者感到他/她必需满足操纵者的要求。

这种操纵策略的目的是为了确保让受害者不敢忤逆操纵者，让受害者觉得自己有义务满足操纵者要求，如果拒绝满足，则会感到内疚。

10. Emotional Barriers|情绪阻碍

Whenever the victim gets upset and question the manipulator or complains about something they’re doing, the manipulator turn the focus on the victim’s angry or upset state.

The manipulator becomes demeaning about the victim’s objection to his or her poor treatment. The victim could also be attacked for being happy about something.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to frustrate and suppress the victim’s emotions in order to dodge the blame for wrongdoing or maintain control of them (corral).

无论何时当受害者感到不满，质问操纵者或抱怨对方所做的某件事时，操纵者会将焦点转移到受害者的生气或不满状态上。

当受害者对自己所受到的不公平对待提出反对声时，操纵者会进行贬低。而且，当受害者因为某件事感到开心时，还可能会因此受到攻击。

这种操纵行为的目的是压抑、阻止受害者的情绪，从而避免个人对所犯错误的责任，或继续控制受害者（圈围操控）。

11. Guilt Trip|内疚操控

A special kind of intimidation tactic.

A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish, has more than they deserve, or got it too easy, regardless of how much or little the victim actually does or not, or what the manipulator has ever contributed.

The goal is keeping the victim in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.

这是一种特殊的恐吓策略。

操纵者向心地善良尽职尽责的受害者暗示对方没有给与足够关心、太自私、不配得到现在的一切、一切都来得太容易，无论受害者实际究竟做了多少，无论操纵者帮忙与否。

其目的是为了让受害者一直自我质疑、焦虑、一直处于顺从位置。

12. Inappropriate Restrictions|不当限制

A person has the right to be taken seriously, to develop their potential, explore and express their interests, and to find meaning and fulfillment in their relationships and lives.

The manipulator will engage in ongoing behaviors that inappropriately restrict the victim’s life. The goal is to hold him or her back from success, happiness, or anything else the manipulator does not deem the victim worthy of.

一个人有权利被认真对待、发展个人潜能、探索与表达个人兴趣、在自己的人际关系与生活中寻找意义、追求圆满。

但操纵者会持续不断地采取各种行为限制受害者的人生，目的是为了牵绊受害者，避免受害者获得成功、幸福或操纵者觉得受害者不配得到的其他任何事物。

13. Threats|威胁

Rarely in the physical form, but more usually they are cognitive and social in nature. One of the biggest such threats is that of social exclusion, which affects our need to belong to a family, lover, etc.

Threats do not change minds, but they are often very effective at changing how people act, at least in the short term.

The goal is effectively taking control of the victim’s life/choices, if done violently to terrify him or her into subordination.

很少是实体层面的威胁，这类威胁通常是在意识和社交层面。其中最主要的一种，是社交排斥，这影响着我们对家庭归属感、爱情归属感的需求。

威胁，并不会改变一个人的思想，但通常能够很有效改变一个人的行为，至少短期内十分有效。

其目的是有效控制受害者的生活/选择，如果采用暴力方式，还可以让对方感到害怕，从而乖乖顺从。

14. Objectifying|物化

The manipulator treats the victim as a tool for their own purposes.

This could be sexually, or to simply damage and destroy, for their own gratification.

The goal here is to dehumanize the victim, to the level of that of an object, as if there is no need for concern for the victim’s feelings or experiences.

If done long enough the victim will also feel the same about themselves.

受害者对于操纵者而言就像是一个用于实现操纵者目的的工具。

可能是性方面，也或者只是为了伤害或破坏，目的都是为了满足操纵者的欲求。

这种行为的目的，是为了将受害者“去人化”，将受害者降低到物品的范畴，仿佛不需要去考虑受害者的感受或体验。

如果这种行为持续得足够长，受害者也会自我物化。

15. Shaming|羞辱

Shame is an extremely painful state to be in and is a very powerful weapon.

The manipulator loves to humiliate their victims frequently with put-downs, expressions of disgust, contempt, disappointment, etc, often while in the presence of others.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to make the victim feel worthless and inadequate, or at least appear that way, in order to subdue them into submission.This can create a “vicious cycle” in the victim’s mind of negative feelings or thoughts that recur throughout their life.

羞辱，是一种极其痛苦的状态，同时也是极其强大的武器。

操纵者喜欢通过贬低、表达厌恶、藐视、失望等方式羞辱受害者，而且通常是有其他人在的时候。

这种操纵策略的目的是让受害者觉得自己毫无价值或不够好，或至少让别人看起来这样，从而让受害者屈服顺从。这会在受害者大脑中形成一种负面感受和念头的恶性循环，而且这种恶性循环会在受害者一生中反复出现。

16. Blaming|指责

The victim is held responsible for the harm they suffered. The victim brought it all upon themselves and the manipulator is in no way responsible for their actions.

The victim made all the choices which brought them trouble or pain regardless of how much they were manipulated into doing so.

The goal is to put the victim on the defense which makes them look and feel guilty while simultaneously masking the manipulator’s malicious intentions.

让受害者对自己遭受的伤害负责。一切都是受害者自作自受，操纵者对自己的行为完全无需负责任。

对于自己所处的困境或痛苦，都是受害者个人选择造成的，无论当初是如何被操控做出这些选择。

这种策略的目的，是指控受害者，让受害者不得不自我辩解，从而让受害者看起来有错，或让受害者感觉自己有错，同时遮掩操控者的恶意。

17. Invalidation|不认可

Whatever pain the manipulator has put you through either didn’t happen or wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Often times it may be accompanied by a remark such as “I’m sorry you feel that way.” As if the victim’s grief, anguish, pain, is irrelevant, inconsequential, or otherwise all in their own head or has nothing to do with the manipulator.

The goal is to cause the victim further pain, make them question their own feelings, induce doubt or craziness, and to lift any feeling of guilt the manipulator may feel.

无论操控者让你经受了怎样的痛苦，这些痛苦都不存在，或根本没那么严重。

通常，这种“不认可”行为会伴随着此类言辞：“很抱歉你有那样的感受”，仿佛受害者的痛苦、悲痛、伤痛都是无关紧要、不值一提，或者完全都是受害者自己臆想，总之跟操控者毫无关系。

这种操控行为的目的是给受害者带来更多痛苦，让受害者质疑自己的感受，让受害者自我质疑或陷入疯狂，并且消除操控者可能感受到的任何内疚感。

18. Silent Treatment|冷战

The manipulator refuses to communicate and uses emotional and/or physical withdrawal as punishment.

This is to convey contempt and communicates that the person is not worthy of the manipulator’s acknowledgment.

The goal is to render the victim powerless to change the current situation and induce feelings of abandonment or rejection.

If the manipulator withdraws emotionally the victim can become love starved for their affection/attention.

操纵者拒绝沟通，使用情绪回避和/或肢体回避作为一种惩罚措施。

这种策略是为了传达不屑感，让对方感到他/她不配得到操控者的注意。

其目的是让受害者无力改变当前情形，引发一种被抛弃感或被拒绝感。

如果操纵者在情绪上回避对方，那么受害者可能就会极度渴望对方的喜爱/关注。

19. Negative Reinforcement|负面强化

The manipulator will only give positive attention on a random basis to keep their victim off balance emotionally.

The goal is to increase the manipulators control over him or her by making them desperate for the manipulator’s love and attention.

Then the manipulator will continue to use negative behavior and only stop when the victim complies with demands.

操纵者只会随机偶尔给受害者一些正面回应，让受害者的情绪一直处于失衡状态。

目的是通过让受害者渴望获得操纵者的爱与关注，从而增强操纵者对受害者的控制。

然后，操纵者会继续实施负面行为，只有受害者满足操纵者的要求时才会暂停这些负面行为。

20. Positive Reinforcement|正面强化

If a manipulator gives a gift it is only because they expect something in return, or to deceive others into believing they genuinely care.

Compliance is bought and paid for with gifts, attention, approval, money, and superficial charm, interest, or concern for the victim.

As like negative reinforcement the manipulator will retract anything positive as soon as the victim fails to comply with demands of the manipulator, hence proving it was superficial all along.

如果操纵者赠送给受害者一份礼物，只会是因为他们期望对方回报自己，或者给别人营造出一种他们发自真心关心受害者的假象。

受害者的顺从，是购买而来的，是操纵者用礼物、关注、认可、金钱、外在魅力、兴趣和关心购买来的。

如同负面强化一样，当受害者不能满足操纵者的要求时，操纵者会收回一切正面奖励，因此可以看出，这一切都不过是肤浅交易。

21. Hurt and Rescue|先伤害再救助

A drowning person will clutch at a straw, so push them in the water, then throw them a rope. Hurting the other person does not necessarily mean physical harm and it may not even mean making them feel bad, but it does mean creating a situation that they want to resolve.

The goal is to get the victim to play into the manipulators hands so they can rush to their “rescue” only to trick the victim into trusting, believing, or becoming dependent upon them.

一位溺水之人会用力抓住一根稻草，所以，把他们推到水里，再扔给他们一根绳子。伤害别人，并不一定就意味着会造成肢体伤害，甚至可能也并不意味着让对方感觉糟糕，但如果刻意给对方制造一种自己想要解决的困境，那就一定属于伤害范畴。

这种行为的目的，是让对方落入操纵者圈套之中，让操纵者可以火速向他们“伸出援手”，从而骗取受害者的信任或依赖。

22. Love Bombing|爱意轰炸

Is an attempt by the manipulator to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. The manipulator appeals to the target’s vanity and insecurity.

Their interest in the victim will be extreme once they have found their target and their “love” for the victim will be incredibly intense.

Its purpose is to override the target’s critical thinking skills so that the abuser can control and manipulate. Essentially they will gain control over their victim by making their emotional state dependent on the manipulator.

这是指操纵者通过大量表示爱意和关注的方式影响对方。操纵者利用的是受害者的虚荣心和不安全感。

一旦他们发现“目标”，他们对受害者会表现出极端的兴趣，难以置信的强烈爱意。

其目的，是压制受害者的批判思维能力，从而让自己能够控制操纵对方。基本上，通过让受害者的情绪状态依赖于操纵者，操纵者就可以控制受害者。

23. Crazy Making|摧毁对方理智

The manipulator says or does something and later denies ever saying or doing such things.

The goal is to make the victim doubt their own sanity and perception of reality. Driving them slowly and systematically mad over multiple occurrences.

This effect can be heightened/increased when the manipulator employs others to act the same.

操纵者先是说或做了某件事，但之后会全盘否认。

其目的，是让受害者质疑自己的理智程度和现实认知能力，通过多次这种情形，慢慢地、一步步地致使受害者陷入思维失常状态。

当操纵者也让其他人加入进来实施同样行为时，这种后果可能会更严重。

24. Gaslighting|煤气灯操纵

Is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.

Typically this undermines the victims support group carried out by a combination of other tactics synthesized into a large scale attack on said victim.

这是这样一种精神虐待：信息被扭曲或曲解，被选择性地遗漏，以有利于虐待者；或者提供虚假信息，让受害者质疑自己的记忆、认知和理智。

通常，当这种策略其他策略一起采用，形成对受害者的大规模攻击，还会导致受害者质疑自己的支持群体。

25. Rationalization|合理化

The manipulator justifies and makes excuses for their behavior. They create false reasons or fake angles which make their actions seem more understandable, acceptable, and appropriate through the use of spin.

This is often done around others, behind the back of the victim. The manipulator may have a different rationalization depending on the type of people they are talking to at the time.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to get the victim off the manipulators case so they can continue doing whatever they feel they are entitled to do while suggesting the victim is dumb, too inexperienced, or otherwise doesn’t understand the manipulator properly.

操纵者会为自己的行为寻找合理借口和理由。他们会创造一些虚假的原因、虚假的角度，通过曲解，让自己的行为看起来可以被理解、被接受、合理适当。

这种策略通常背着受害者，在其他人面前开展。对于不同类型的人，操纵者可能会采用不同的合理化策略。

其目的，是让受害者不再持续盯着操纵者，这样操纵者就可以继续为所欲为，同时暗示受害者太愚蠢、太缺乏经验、或者误解了操纵者。

26. Infantilize|婴儿化

The manipulator does not acknowledge their victims maturity either emotionally or psychologically.

The victim is treated as if they have no knowledge of life or experience dealing with life’s challenges. The goal is to reduce a person to that of an infant or child, lowering their status in the social order, and stripping them of the ability to make choices, both in the victim’s mind and the manipulator’s.

操纵者并不承认受害者在情绪或心理方面的成熟性。

他们对待受害者的方式，仿佛对方并不知道该怎么生活，或不知道如何应对生活中的挑战。其目的是让将对方贬低到婴儿或儿童层次，降低他们在社会等级中的地位，剥夺他们的选择能力，甚至让受害者也同样看待自己。

27. Triangulation|挑拨离间（离间两个人，让自己成为双方之间的唯一沟通渠道）

Is a situation in which one family member or friend will not communicate with the victim, or will be friendly with the victim, while turning other family members or friends against them.

This can take many forms and usually incorporates Gaslighting. There is always a covert element which leads to pitting the victim against others without the victim being fully aware of what is taking place.

The goal is to isolate (divide), and conquer the victim while controlling their support system.

这是指，导致一位家庭成员或朋友和受害者并不沟通往来；或者当某位家庭成员或朋友向受害者示好，操纵者会离间其他家庭成员/其他朋友与他们之间的关系。

这可能会表现出多种形式，通常包括煤气灯操纵策略。但所有形式之下，都有一种潜在因素，即，操纵者会让其他人与受害者为敌，而同时受害者又并不充分了解事实全貌。

这种策略的目的是分（隔绝）而治之，征服受害者，同时控制他们的支持帮助系统。

28. Splitting|二元割裂

Also called black and white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking.

It’s the failure in a person’s thinking to bring together both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. This is exemplified in a family who has both a golden-child and scapegoat. The golden-child can do no wrong and the scapegoat is a complete burden and failure as a person.

The manipulator does this as an attempt to stabilize their sense of self-esteem, by perceiving themselves as purely upright, admirable, or superior and others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible.

同时也被称为非黑即白思维或非此即彼思维。

这种思维方式，源于人们未能将自己与别人的所有正面和负面特征全面客观整合起来。这种思维可见于家中有完美“金童”和“替罪羊”孩子的家庭中。完美“金童”一切都是完美的，从来都不会犯错，而“替罪羊”孩子则是完全的负担和失败。

操纵者在开展这一策略时，将自己视为了完全正直、可敬、优越之人，并将其他任何不符合自己意愿和价值观的人视为了邪恶或可鄙夷之人，从而稳定了自己的自尊感。

29. Double Blind|进退两难

In the manipulator’s eyes the victim is damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Regardless of which choice is picked the manipulator will always point out that the person should have picked the other.

This may be accompanied by remarks such as “Well if you had done this I would have done something great for you, but forget about it now.”

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to beat the victim down psychologically and emotionally, in order make him or her question and doubt their own intuition and judgment.

在操纵者眼中，受害者无论做不做某件事，都是错的。无论受害者如何选择，操纵者总是会指出受害者本该选择另外一个的。

这种策略可能会伴随着此类言语：“你要是当初那样做的话，我本来可以好好奖励你的，但现在已经没机会了。”

这种操纵策略的目的，是从心理和情绪上击垮受害者，让受害者质疑自己的直觉和判断力。

30. Double-Mindedness|口是心非

The manipulator seeks the double advantage of being able to do wrong, of being able to have their will, of letting their passions rage, and the hypocritical advantage of seeming to be good, helpful, or supportive.

In short, double-mindedness is to say one thing and do another, to do unto others what they are not willing to be be done unto them.

The manipulator can only accomplish said task by engaging in the self deception of doublethink.

操纵者寻求双重优势：既能够犯错、达成个人意愿、肆意妄为，又能够呈现出自己是好人、乐于帮助他人、支持他人。

简而言之，口是心非，是指嘴上一套行动一套，将己所不欲施加于他人。

想要完成上述策略，操纵者必需要有自欺欺人的“双重思想”*。

*Doublethink（双重思想）：乔治·奥威尔在《1984》中创造的词汇，是指一个人同时持有并相信两种相反的、互相排斥的理念，而且对两种理念均深信不疑。这通常是因政治灌输而导致。政党的三个标语“战争即和平；自由即奴役；无知即力量”就是双重思想的典型例子。

31. Doublethink|双重思想

To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancel each other out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them.

To use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it is needed, and then promptly to forget it again, and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself.

知道，但表示自己不知道；了解全部真相，但讲述精心编造的谎言；同时持有两种彼此抵消的观点，知道他们相互矛盾，但却对它们二者又都深信不疑。

用逻辑否定逻辑；既标榜自我道德，又摒弃道德；忘却一切需要忘却的事物，在需要时又将其想起，然后又合乎时宜地再次忘记，而且，最重要的，是将这一流程应用于这一流程本身。

32. Covert Aggressive Abuse|隐性攻击型虐待

Insults are disguised as teaching, helping, giving advice, and offering solutions. The manipulator makes them appear as a sincere attempt to help, especially to others.

This can also be followed by put-downs, and disappointment from the manipulator and anyone else who they have convinced of the victim’s inferiority.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to belittle, control, and demean the victim while covering up the appearance of wrongdoing on the manipulators behalf.

侮辱被伪装成：教导、帮助、给予建议、提供解决方案。操纵者让自己的侮辱行为看起来像是真诚的帮助，尤其是在别人眼中。

紧随其后的，是来自操纵者的贬低和失望，以及受操纵者影响而认为受害者有问题的其他人的贬低和失望。

这种操纵策略的目标是贬低、控制受害者，同时遮掩操纵者的错误。

33. Setting up to Fail|故意让对方失败出糗

The manipulator puts their victim in such a state of stress, or stressful situation, that failure is almost certain, wherein the outcome can be used as ammunition to discredit and blame the victim.

This can be done covertly as well, using sabotage or undermining an objective that may otherwise have been achievable. This type of manipulation tactic may be the projection of the bully’s own feelings of inadequacy onto the victim.

操纵者将受害者置于一种压力状态或充满压力的情形中，在这种状态或情形下，失败几乎是必然，这样，操纵者就可以用这种失败结果来贬损和指责受害者。

这种策略也可以很隐蔽，比如暗中破坏或阻挠一个本可以完成的目标。这种操纵策略可能是操纵者将自己的不足感投射到受害者身上。

34. Moving the Goalpost|移动球门

When the manipulator has control of the situation they will re-define the victim’s goals, in reality, to intentionally devise a way so as to assure that an athlete, for example, will ultimately never be able to finally achieve the ever shifting goals.

Depending on how this is done the goal may be to humiliate the victim, keep them preoccupied so as to accomplish nothing else with their time, or to simply wear them out.

当操纵者对情形获得掌控时，他们会重新定义受害者的目标，刻意想方设法阻碍受害者，比如说，不断变动目标，让一位运动员最终无论如何都以失败告终。

这种策略的不同的具体实施方式会反映出不同的目的，操纵者可能旨在羞辱受害者，或者让受害者徒劳无功，或者只是单纯想要耗竭受害者的身心精力。

35. Feigning Innocence or Confusion|假装无辜或困惑

The manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. The manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation.

The manipulator may also try to play dumb by pretending he or she doesn’t know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention.

The goal is to make the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly their own sanity. When others are deceived by a manipulator this way the victim feels powerless.

操纵者会试图暗示说所造成的伤害都并非其本意，或者自己完全是被冤枉的。操纵者可能还会看起来惊讶或愤怒。

操纵者可能还会装傻，假装不知道受害者在说什么，或对于被提及的重要问题并不清楚。

这一操纵策略的目的是让受害者质疑自己的判断，甚至还可能质疑自己的理智程度。当其他人被操纵者以这种方式蒙骗时，受害者就会感到无奈无助。

36. Vilifying the Victim|对受害者倒打一耙

More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator, while the manipulator falsely accuses the victim as being an abuser in response when the victim stands up for or defends themselves or their position.

The goal is to build resentment for the victim and put them on trial before he or she is even aware something is wrong, or make them feel guilty enough to question their position.

这一策略的主要作用在于，当受害者为自己发声或辩护时，操纵者倒打一耙反过来说受害者才是施害者，这样，这一策略就能够有效地反转指控对象，将受害者放在被指控者的位置，同时掩盖操纵者的攻击本意。

其目的是建立对受害者的憎恨，在受害者毫不知道自己做错了什么之前就将其架上审判席，或者让他们产生内疚感，内疚到质疑个人立场。

37. Playing the Victim Role|扮演受害者角色

The manipulator portrays him or herself as a victim of circumstance, that their behavior is only because of someone else’s, or was the only way to handle the situation they accidentally found themselves in at the time.

The manipulator was “taken for a ride” by the person or people that are being manipulated.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby escaping any blame for wrongdoing or even getting support and cooperation from unsuspecting outsiders.

操纵者将自己描绘成受害者的角色，要么是说他们的行为是因其他人而导致，要么是说自己当时偶发情形中迫不得已。

操纵者会说他们才是被受害者耍的那一个。

这种操纵策略的目的是获取怜惜、共情或激发同情心，从而逃避本应对所犯错误承担的责任，甚至从毫无疑心的外人那里获得帮助和合作。

38. Minimization|轻描淡写

This is denial coupled with gaslighting.

The manipulator asserts that their behavior isn’t really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. Often times down playing the behavior by comparing it to others, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone,” or such logic may be present.

The goal is to make a molehill out of a mountain, thus letting the manipulator continue the abusive behavior, or at least escape much of the guilt.

这是否认与煤气灯操纵的结合。

操纵者宣称他们的行为并非像有人可能指控的那样具有伤害性或不负责任。通常他们会通过与其他人的行为对比来将自己的行为轻描淡写：“让你们中间从未犯过任何罪行的人扔出第一块石头”，或其他诸如此类的逻辑。

其目的是大事化小，从而让自己继续实施自己的虐待行为，或至少逃避大部分的内疚感。

39. Symbolic Aggression|象征性攻击

This could be something as small as giving a “look” or some other gesture. Often times it is slamming a door, punching a wall, or throwing something, otherwise a show of force not directed towards the victim.

A more extreme case would be brandishing a weapon, or at least making it known to the victim that a weapon does exist and at the manipulator’s disposal, but in a possibly non-threatening way.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to put the victim on warning and intimidate/terrify them into compliance with future demands.

这可能是一些诸如“甩个脸色”或者其他肢体动作等小动作。通常是摔门、用手砸墙、扔东西，或其他并不直接针对受害者的力量展示形式。

极端的情形，会是挥舞武器，或至少让受害者知道有武器存在而且操纵者随时可取用，但整个过程可能并没有采取威胁的形式。

这种操纵策略的目的是给受害者一种警告，而且恐吓他们，让他们服从操纵者未来的要求。

40. Trance|痴迷

If the manipulator is a psychopath, their intense presence and laser-like focus on their victim will cause a trance-like state. He or she will become hyper-focused on the manipulator and vice-versa.

Everything they say and do seems undeniably right if for no other reason than pure force of will power.

The goal is to render the victim psychologically defenseless. The experiences during these trances are permanently seared into the victim’s psyche and can be difficult to recover from.

如果操纵者是精神变态者，他们会高强度紧紧缠着受害者，这会导致受害者进入一种痴迷状态。受害者会将几乎所有注意力都关注在操纵者身上，反之亦然。

对方无论说什么、做什么，都是毋庸置疑绝对正确的，哪怕只是因为纯粹是个人臆想。

其目的是让受害者在心理上放下一切防御，在这种痴迷状态下的所有经历体验都会永久烙入受害者心理，而且受害者会很难从中恢复。

41. Brandishing Anger|发泄怒火

The manipulator puts on an act of furious explosive anger, verbal abuse, or physical threats.

If the victim is in a trance or has previously been manipulated by the abuser, with just one incident of such behavior the victim can become conditioned and trained to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator ever again.

The goal is to establish dominance or superiority, and complete and unquestionable compliance, over victims through fear.

操纵者会始终表现出怒气冲冲、语言虐待、肢体威胁等行为。

如果受害者处于痴迷状态，或之前曾被虐待者操纵过，那么，只需要一次此类行为，受害者就会形成条件反射，学会避免再次招惹、质问或反对操纵者。

这种操纵策略的目的是通过恐惧，对受害者建立主导权或优越地位，获得受害者的完全的、毫无置疑的顺从。

42. Brainwashing|洗脑

Also referred to as heart washing, is the act of changing a person’s mind or heart by using extreme mental or emotional pressure or abuse.

This is typically done when the victim is extremely outmatched by their manipulator either mentally, physically, economically, or socially. This can be achieved a number of ways but usually the victim is in a situation the feel they can’t escape, and will involve several tactics simultaneously.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is to convince the victim into believing their viewpoints about life, people/person, or the world are immature or pathetic, and need to be realigned to the viewpoint of the manipulator.

同时也被称为“heart washing”，是指通过极端思维或情绪压力或虐待，改变一个人的思维和观念。

这种策略通常应用于这种情形：受害者无论在思维、生理、经济或社交层面都极度低于操纵者。实现这种策略，有很多方式，但通常受害者会处于一种他们感觉无法逃离的情形，而且会同时采用多种策略。

其目的是让受害者相信他们对人生、人以及世界的观点是不成熟或可悲的，需要与操纵者的观点保持一致。

43. Scapegoating|替罪羊

Manipulator subjects the “whipping boy” to constant negative treatment and blame they don’t deserve. Manipulators unconsciously project their own unwanted feelings and problems onto the victim.

The punishment which the scapegoat has to endure is a direct projection of the manipulator’s own insecurities.

Scapegoating is a deliberate act of torment against another person for the cathartic pleasure of the manipulator and their cohorts.

操纵者让替罪羊不断承受本不该承受的负面对待和指责。操纵者在潜意识中将自己不想要的感受和问题投射到受害者身上。

替罪羊所需承受的惩罚，是操纵者个人不安全感的直接投射。

让别人作为替罪羊，是一种故意的折磨行为，目的只是为了让操纵者极其同伙获得发泄般的愉悦感。

44. Gang Stalking|团伙跟踪

Is a form of community mobbing and organized stalking combined. Just like you have workplace mobbing, and online mobbing, which are both fully recognized as legitimate, this is the community form.

Gang stalking is organized harassment at it’s best, and a suicide inducing attack at its worst. It is the targeting of an individual for revenge, jealousy, sport, or to keep them quiet, etc., by a group of people.

The goal of this manipulation tactic is an organized psychological attack that can completely destroy a person’s life, while leaving little or no evidence to incriminate the perpetrators.

These manipulation tactics and narcissist control tactics work to erode, suppress, subjugate, and degrade the victim’s sense of self and diminish their social standing in an effort to dominate and control.

这是一种社群团伙霸凌与有组织的跟踪行动相结合的一种形式。

就像是工作场合的团伙霸凌、网络暴力，这些都被认为是完全合法的。团伙跟踪就是这些霸凌形式的社群版本。

往最轻微了说，团伙跟踪只是一种有组织的骚扰形式，但在严重情形下也会是一种会引发自杀的攻击形式。这是一群人出于报复、嫉妒、取乐或噤声之目的，对一个个体开展针对性攻击。

这种操纵策略的目的是开展可能会完全摧毁一个人生活的有组织的心理攻击，同时又几乎或完全不会留下施害者的任何违法证据。

上述这些操纵技巧和自恋者控制技巧会侵蚀、压抑、屈服、贬低受害者的自我认知，降低受害者的社会地位，从而主导、控制受害者。

延伸阅读
从修行角度谈Ego
孩子“父母化”
心理不灵活——固执刻板认死理，希望全世界适应自己
科尔伯格的道德发展水平理论 | 你处在第几阶段？
用“帆船形需求图”替代“马斯洛金字塔形需求图”
Intergenerational Trauma（代际创伤）
日复一日昏昏沉沉恍恍惚惚——Chronic Brain Fog（慢性脑雾）
没有红色药丸
Self-awareness|人贵自知

• Coping with an existential crisis can be a process of self-realization in which people come to understand their unique place in the world.

应对存在危机的过程可以是一段自我实现的过程，在这一过程中，人们开始理解他们在这个世界中的独特位置。

• People who have been parentified may be more prone to having an existential crisis in midlife.

童年时被“父母化”（虽然是孩子但却要扮演父母的角色）可能在中年时更易于产生存在危机。

• During an existential crisis, essential themes to address include meaning, authenticity, self-knowledge, connection, and transcendence.

在存在危机中基本的应对主题，包括：意义、真实、自我认知、人际连接感、超脱。

An existential crisis is when a person questions their existence and the meaning of their life. This can be a frightening experience, as one can feel completely alone and lost in a seemingly random and meaningless universe. However, it can also be a time of great self-discovery and growth.

存在危机，是指一个人开始质疑自己的存在以及自己生命的意义。这种经历可能会非常可怕，因为它会让人感到完全孤独、在看起来随机、无意义的宇宙中迷失。但它也可以成为一段实现重大自我发现与成长的时期。

An existential crisis may resemble the following:
存在危机可能有诸如类似以下体验：

• Are you questioning the meaning of your life or feel numb, empty, and unfulfilled?
• Do you have the feeling that everything you have done is meaningless?
• Do you feel lonely and lost, despite everything going well on the surface?
• Do you sometimes feel the compulsion to throw everything away and start over?
• Do you experience unexplainable sadness, guilt, and anxiety?

你是否质疑自己人生的意义，或感到木然、空虚和不圆满？

你是否感到自己做过的一切都毫无意义？

你是否感到孤独和迷失，虽然一切表面上看起来都很好？

你是否有时感到一种想要扔下一起重新开始的冲动？

你是否有时会莫名其妙地突然感到悲伤、内疚和焦虑？

In a psycho-spiritual sense, an existential crisis is a call from our soul. It is the moment when our deepest self calls out to us or when we gain an understanding of what lies beneath consciousness. Here might have been truths that we had buried for years, and this is the time they all come back.

Carl Jung believed that the first half of our lives are devoted to developing our ego, while we spend the second half integrating the unconscious and becoming who we are. And the transition from the first half to the second half is often the trigger for an existential crisis.

从心灵-修行角度来看，存在危机是来自我们灵魂的呼唤。它是我们最深层的自我在向我们呼喊的时刻，是我们了解到表层意识之下深层次认知的时刻。这里可能是我们已经埋藏数年的种种真相，在这一时刻，这一切喷涌而出。卡尔·荣格认为，我们人生的前半部分主要是忙着发展我们的Ego，而后半生则会去融合我们的潜意识，成为真正的自我。这种从前半部分向后半部分的过渡，通常会触发存在危机。

What Constitutes an Existential Crisis 存在危机的构成要素

While there is no single, universally accepted definition, an existential crisis usually includes the following components:

尽管没有统一的标准定义，存在危机通常包含以下因素：

1. The awareness of your mortality and the realisation that death can occur at any time.

意识到生命有限，意识到死亡可能随时到来；

1. Feeling nihilistic, that your life is meaningless.

感到虚无，感到自己的人生无意义。

1. Feeling anxious and lonely in an uncaring universe.

在这个冷漠的宇宙感到焦虑和孤独。

1. The feeling that one should not exist at all

感觉自己根本不应该存在

1. Lack of purpose or meaning in life.

生命缺乏目的和意义。

1. The conviction that one has chosen the wrong path and that everything one has done so far has been in vain.

认为自己选择了错误的道路，之前做的一切均徒劳无功。

What Causes an Existential Crisis? 存在危机的起因

Many things can trigger an existential crisis, from realizing one's investment has not yielded the desired outcome, a broken relationship, losing someone they love, a family breakdown, and losing a job.

很多事物都可能会触发存在危机，从意识到自己的投入并没有得到想要的结果，关系的破裂，失去所爱之人，家庭变故，到失业等。

Someone parentified as a child in their family of origin may be more prone to an existential crisis in midlife. Parentification means that there has been a role reversal in the family, where the child was forced to take on the role of provider for their parents and siblings too early, depriving them of the childhood they should have had.

童年时期在原生家庭中被父母化的孩子可能更易于在中年时产生存在危机。父母化，是指在家庭中父母与孩子的角色颠倒，孩子被迫过早承担起照顾父母和兄弟姐妹的职责，而自己本该享有的童年从而被剥夺。

Unfortunately, when children are forced into the role of parents, they are often denied the opportunity to explore their interests and develop their sense of identity. They are not given practical or emotional space to discover their joy and figure out what their lives are all about. After a long period of time, they may experience a spiritual crisis in which they realize that they have lived their entire lives according to their parents' needs and expectations rather than their true passion.

不幸的是，当孩子们被迫扮演父母的角色时，它们通常就被剥夺了探索个人兴趣、形成个人身份意识的机会。他们被剥夺了发现个人快乐、思索生命意义的实际与精神空间。在长时期之后，他们可能就会经历一种心灵上的危机，意识到他们一生一直在按照父母的需求和期望生活，而非追随自己的真正心愿。

According to Jungian analyst James Hollis, many people spend their first half of life trying to achieve success or material possessions. But once they reach a certain age, they find that these things do not bring happiness or a sense of fulfillment. They begin to search for the meaning of their lives and start their journey to wisdom.

根据荣格理论分析师 James Hollis的观点，很多人在前半生都努力追求成功或物质财富。但一旦到达一定年龄，他们发现这些东西并不会带来幸福或圆满感。他们开始追求生命的意义，开启通往智慧的征途。

In an existential crisis, part of us finally gets tired of living for other people and wants to follow where our heart leads us. Ironically, it's about shedding things we have accumulated, peeling away the facades we have put on, and returning to our truth.

在存在危机中，我们内心的一部分厌倦了为他人而活，向追逐自己的内心向往。具有反讽意味的是，这一切都是关于摒弃我们曾努力积累的财富、剥离我们曾带上的种种面具，返璞归真。

How can you cope with an existential crisis? 如何应对存在危机？

Some essential issues to address when going through an existential crisis are meaning, authenticity, self-knowledge, connection to others, and transcendence.

在经历存在危机时，一些要应对的基本问题包括：意义、真实、自我认知、人际连接感、超脱。

• Meaning is the belief that your life matters and that you have an essential role in the world.

意义，是认为自己的人生很重要，你在这个世界具有不可或缺的位置。

• Authenticity is the sense of being true to yourself and living in alignment with your values.

真实，是指感觉自己在活出真正的自己，在践行自己的价值观。

• Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your thoughts and feelings.

自我认知，是指能够辨识并理解自己的想法和感受。

• Connectedness with others is belonging to a community and having meaningful relationships.

人际连接感，是指归属于一个社会群体，具有有意义的人际关系。

• Finally, transcendence is the belief that there is something greater than yourself with which you can connect.

最后，超脱，是认为有比自己更宏大的事物，而且对这种更宏大事物感到深深共鸣。

Here are some specific things you can do: 以下是一些你可以开展的具体措施：

01 Identifying Your Values
找出自己的价值观

As much as possible, find out what your values are and try to align your actions with them.

Think about what is important to you. What are the things that bring you joy? What is most important to you? Once you have a list of important things to you, try to think about why they are essential. What values do they represent?

Another way is to look at your life experiences. Think about the moments that were most meaningful to you. What did you do in those moments, and what values did you live by?

尽可能找出你的价值观，并且努力让自己的行为与自己的价值观一致。

思考什么对你才是重要的，哪些东西会带给你快乐喜悦？什么对你而言是最重要的？一旦你列出了一些对你而言很重要的事物，进一步去思考为什么它们很重要？它们分别代表了什么价值观？

另外一种方式是去审视你的人生经历。思考那些对你而言最富有意义的时刻。在这些时刻中，你做了什么？当时你是在践行怎样的价值观？

02 Finding Your Flow
找到自己的“Flow”

Flow is that feeling of being in the zone, wholly absorbed in what you're doing. You're not thinking about anything else, just focused on what you are doing.

What activities make you lose track of time? What do you enjoy doing so much that you readily take on challenges with not fear but excitement?

Even if there is no immediate financial reward, trying to include what makes your heart sings in your life now has value in itself.

Flow是一种完全进入如鱼得水状态的感觉，完全沉浸于自己当时所作的事情中，心无杂念，思维高度集中。

哪些活动会让你忘却时间？你对哪些活动是如此喜爱，以至于你会欣然接受这类活动中的挑战，充满兴奋而非恐惧？

即使并没有立即的经济回报，但将自己喜爱的事物纳入自己的生活，现在这件事情在你看来变得极具价值。

03 Redefining Success
重新定义成功

As we progress through life, our understanding of success changes. We may start by seeking wealth and recognition from others, but as we grow older, we learn that these things do not always fulfill us deeply. Instead, we realize that success is about finding joy in what we do and being content with who we are.

If you close your eyes and imagine what an ideal day would be like for you in the future, what would it be like? What would you like to be doing, from dusk to dawn? Where do you want to be? Who would you want to be with?

What if, instead of external reward and recognition, you begin to make joy and fulfillment your metric of success?

随着年龄增长，我们对成功的理解不断在变化。最初我们可能会一心追求财富与别人的认可，但随着年龄增长，我们意识到这些东西并不会总是能够深层次满足我们。我们意识到成功是关于在我们做的事情中寻找到快乐，欣然愿意接受真实的自己。

如果你闭上眼睛想象未来一个理想的一天，它会是什么样子？在这样的一天，从早到晚，你会在做什么？你希望在哪里？你希望和谁在一起？

如果你不再去追求外界的奖励与认可，而是开始将喜悦与圆满感作为成功指标，会发生什么？

04 Finding Your Ikigai
寻找到你的人生意义

Ikigai is a Japanese concept translated as "reason for being" or "purpose in life."

Finding ikigai is a process of discovery. It's something that you find rather than something that you search for. You can, however, use some tips to help you on your journey.

First, think about what you love to do. What are your hobbies? What activities excite you?

Second, think about what you're good at. What are your talents and strengths? Can any of those talents be turned into a career?

Third, think about what the world needs. What can you contribute that nobody else can? Are there any problems that need solving? What would people pay you for?

When you can find one or a few sweet spots where your interest, love, skills, and what the world needs, you will have found your ikigai, this is not a quick fix but can offer us a direction of investigation when we face an existential crisis.

生き甲斐，日语中的存在的理由、生命的意义的意思。

找到人生意义，是一段发现之旅。人生意义，往往可遇不可求。但是，有一些方法可以在这段发现之旅上为你提供一些帮助。

首先，思考你的热爱事物，你的爱好，让你感到兴奋的活动。

其次，思考你擅长的领域，你的才能与优势。这些才能中是否有任何才能可以转变为职业？

第三，思考世界的需求。你能够为这个世界做出哪些别人做不到的贡献？是否有任何问题需要解决？哪些事情是人们会支付你报酬让你去做的？

当你找到一个或一些你的兴趣、爱好、技能和外界需求之间的最佳平衡领域，你就会发现你的人生意义。但这并不能够立即让我们的存在危机烟消云散，但它可以为我们提供一个解决方向。

05 Learn to Let Go of the Absolute Need for Certainty
放弃对确定性的执念

When we hold on too tightly to our need for certainty, we become rigid and inflexible. We are unable to adapt to change and unwilling to take risks. We miss out on opportunities and experiences that could otherwise enrich our lives.

Learning to let go of our need for certainty doesn't mean we become passive defeatists. It simply means rather than fighting against what is happening. We learn to yield to what is happening and make the best of it. It means accepting that life is full of uncertainties and embracing the unknown.

With this, you may be more able to invest in activities that bring long-term benefits rather than frantically jumping from one thing to the next that offers only short-term "solutions." If you can relax to explore a new future, your existential crisis might be resolved, and you will be rewarded with a new and broader horizon.

当我们执着追求确定性时，我们就会变得死板固执。我们会无法适应变化，不愿冒险。我们会错失那些本能够丰富我们人生的机遇与体验。学会放弃对确定性的执念，并不意味着我们丧失斗志，而是意味着：与其一根筋抵抗当前在发生的事情，我们学会接受现实、努力获得最佳结果；意味着接受人生本身就是充满不确定性的这一事实；意味着拥抱未知。

这样，你可能就更能够投入于能够带来长期收益的活动中，而不是心猿意马地从一个短期解决方案跳到另一个短期解决方案。如果你能够放松下来去探索新的未来，你的存在危机可能就会消失，而且你也会得到一个全新的、更广阔的天际。

06 Transforming Through an Existential Crisis
在存在危机中涅槃重生

To transform through an existential crisis and not collapse in it, we must learn to listen to ourselves and then invest in activities that align with our deeper desires, rather than chasing immediate results as though we are on hamster wheels.

This can be a process of self-realization in which people come to understand their unique place in the world. Through a period of deep transformation, we become aware of our thoughts, feelings, desires, and the unconscious aspects of our psyche. In the end, we may find a new sense of identity and purpose and find ways to express ourselves creatively.

想要将存在危机作为涅槃重生的机会，我们必须学会听从自己内心的声音，投入到与我们更深层渴望相契合的活动中，而不是去像在仓鼠轮上一样不断去追求即时收益。

它可以是一段自我发现的过程，在这一过程中，人们意识到自己在这个世界上独特专属的位置。通过一段深层次转变的时期，我们意识到自己的想法、感受、渴望以及心灵中的潜意识部分。最后，我们可能会发现一种全新的身份感和目标感，另辟蹊径寻找到能够充分表达自我的方式。