分类 心理问题 下的文章

What Is Anhedonia?
什么是“快感缺失”

Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. When a person suffers from anhedonia, they lose interest in the activities, hobbies, or experiences they used to love.
快感缺失,是指感受快乐的能力丧失或减弱。当一个人患有快感缺失时,他可能会对曾经热爱的活动、爱好或体验失去兴趣。

“Anhedonia, a term first used by Ribot in 1896, is a diminished capacity to experience pleasure. It describes the lack of interest and the withdrawal from all usual pleasant activities. Chapman et al. defined two different types of hedonic deficit: physical anhedonia and social anhedonia. Physical anhedonia represents an inability to feel physical pleasures (such as eating, touching and sex). Social anhedonia describes an incapacity to experience interpersonal pleasure (such as being and talking to others).”
快感缺失由 Ribot 于1986年首次使用,是指体验快乐的能力降低。它表述了对所有平时让自己感到愉悦的活动丧失兴趣且不再参与。Chapman 等人定义了两种类型的快感缺失:

生理快感缺失
社交快感缺失

生理快感缺失是指无法感受到生理愉悦,(如饮食、触碰和性活动等)。社交快感缺失是指无法感受到人际交往带来的愉悦(比如与别人共处和交谈)。

It has been associated with many mental disorders, including depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and substance use disorder. People who have physical conditions like chronic pain and Parkinson's disease may also experience anhedonia.
这已经被认为和众多精神障碍存在联系,其中包括抑郁、双相情感障碍、精神分裂和物质使用障碍等。患有慢性疼痛和帕金森等生理疾病的患者,可能也会有快感缺失体验。

Symptoms of Anhedonia
症状

The symptoms of anhedonia depend on the type.
不同类型快感缺失表现为不同症状:

Symptoms of social anhedonia may include:
社交快感缺失的症状可能包括:

Very few or no relationships at all
几乎没有或完全没有人际关系

Complete withdrawal from existing social relationships
从既有社交关系中完全脱离

A diminished capacity to express emotions
情绪表达能力骤降

Fake emotions in social situations (e.g., pretending to be happy at a celebration)
在社交情形中假装表现出某种情绪(比如在庆祝活动中假装开心)

Preference for being alone
更愿意独处

Symptoms of physical anhedonia may include:
生理快感缺失的症状可能包括:

A complete loss of libido or interest in sexual interactions
完全丧失性欲或对性活动的兴趣。

Frequent illness or other physical health issues
频繁生病或患上其他生理健康问题。

A person with anhedonia may miss out on big life events. By not maintaining their social connections, people with anhedonia may also have strained relationships and even a loss of social connections.
快感缺失患者可能会错过一些重大的人生事件。而且由于无法维持社交关系,他们可能还会陷入紧张的人际关系或甚至失去某些社交关系。

Complications
并发症

Studies show that those with anhedonia are more likely to be at risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, and death by suicide. This is especially the case among those with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
研究显示,快感缺失患者更易于产生自杀想法、尝试自杀或自杀死亡。PTSD患者中这种现象更显著。

Research has also shown that anhedonia may be a risk factor for dementia-related diseases, such as Alzheimer’s disease. In a 2019 study, older adults with anhedonia were five times more likely to develop dementia than peers without anhedonia.
研究还显示,快感缺失也可能是痴呆相关症状,比如阿兹海默症等的风险因素之一。在2019年的一项研究中,快感缺失患者患痴呆症的几率是非快感缺失患者的5倍。

Anhedonia has also been associated with a heightened risk of adverse cardiac events among patients with heart conditions.
在心脏疾病患者中,快感缺失也被认为与更高的不良心脏事件风险相关。

What Causes Anhedonia?
什么导致快感缺失

It's unclear exactly what causes anhedonia. Studies show that it may be closely tied to certain processes in the brain. Researchers found that the part of the brain that controls reward, decision-making, anticipation, and motivation is often involved in anhedonia.
对其起因尚无明确结论。研究显示其可能与大脑中的一些过程密切相关。研究人员发现,大脑中控制奖励、决策、预期和动力的区域通常与快感缺失相关。

They theorized that people with anhedonia may lack the ability to anticipate good things and find motivation. They also have problems accurately judging the effort required to achieve a certain reward.
他们提出这一理论:快感缺失患者可能缺乏预测良好结果或找到动力的能力。他们同时还难以精确判断达成特定奖励所需要付出的努力。

Anhedonia is linked to several mental health disorders. It is considered one of the core features of depression. People with schizophrenia often report both physical and social anhedonia.
快感缺失被认为与数种精神健康障碍相关。它被认为是抑郁症的核心特征之一。精神分裂症患者也通常报告生理和社交快感缺失。

Research has shown that depression in bipolar disorder is also associated with anhedonia. Doctors use the severity of anhedonia to determine how severe a case of bipolar disorder is.
研究显示双相情感障碍中的抑郁症状也与快感缺失相关。医生根据快感缺失的严重程度来判断双相情感障碍的严重程度。

Anhedonia-like symptoms may occur when using recreational drugs or when going through withdrawal. Also, researchers have found that those who already have anhedonia may be more likely to start taking recreational drugs. They may also be more likely to become addicted.
当服用娱乐型药物或在戒瘾阶段时也可能会出现类似于快感缺失的症状。另外,研究人员也发现已经患有快感缺失的人更可能会开始服用娱乐型药物。另外他们也更可能对其成瘾。

Other conditions associated with anhedonia include:
其他与快感缺失相关的疾病包括:

Parkinson’s disease/帕金森症

Chronic pain/慢性疼痛

Diabetes/糖尿病

Eating disorders/饮食障碍

Autism/自闭症

The severity of anhedonia may be linked to the related health condition. A study found that people with schizophrenia, substance use disorder, Parkinson's disease, or chronic pain experience moderate levels of anhedonia. Those with depression have more severe anhedonia.
快感缺失的严重程度可能与相关健康症状有关联。一项研究发现,患有精神分裂、物质滥用障碍、帕金森病或慢性疼痛的患者更可能会产生中度的快感缺失症状。而抑郁症患者的快感缺失症状则较为严重。

Diagnosis
诊断

Medical professionals often use anhedonia as a symptom to diagnose a mental health illness. For example, anhedonia may lead your healthcare professional to look into whether you have depression or bipolar disorder.
专业医疗人士通常将快感缺失作为一种症状来诊断某种精神健康疾病。例如,你如果患有快感缺失,你的医生可能会考虑你是否患有抑郁症或双向情感障碍。

Anhedonia can be measured using a questionnaire. One of the most popular ones is the Snaith-Hamilton Pleasure Scale (SHAPS). It consists of 14 statements about enjoyable situations typically encountered in daily life. This might include food or drinks and interests or pastimes. You're asked to rate how strongly you agree or disagree with statements based on your memories of the past few days.
对快感缺失的评测可以采用问卷形式。其中最普遍使用的是斯奈思—汉密尔顿快感量表(SHAPS)。该量表包含了14项日常生活中常见的愉悦情形,其中包括饮食、兴趣或消遣活动等。你需要根据自己近期情况,对每一项的认同程度打分。

Your healthcare professional may also perform a physical exam and blood tests to ensure your anhedonia is not caused by a physical condition.
你的医生可能还会对你体检和验血,确保你的快感缺失并非因生理疾病而导致。

Treatment
治疗

Treatment for anhedonia depends on the condition or mental disorder it's associated with. For people with depression, antidepressants may be prescribed, while people with schizophrenia are often treated with antipsychotic medications. Treatment may also include psychotherapy.
对快感缺失的治疗取决于与其相关的疾病或精神障碍。对于抑郁症患者,医生可能会开具抗抑郁药物,而精神疾病患者则通常会被开具抗精神病药物。治疗方式也可能会包含心理治疗。

Since anhedonia may be associated with deficits in the reward system of the brain, a different approach may be necessary for its treatment.
由于快感缺失可能与大脑奖励系统缺陷相关,那么其治疗方式可能就需要一种不同的思路。

One study found that positive affect treatment (PAT) resulted in better outcomes than treatment focused on reducing negative feelings. This approach attempts to increase the brain's sensitivity to rewards.
一项研究发现,正面情感疗法(PAT)要比旨在减少负面感受的疗法要更为有效。这一疗法试图增加大脑对奖励的敏感性。

Some medications may be able to help with anhedonia associated with physical conditions. For example, research shows that people with Parkinson’s disease experience a reduction in anhedonia after receiving treatment with dopamine agonist medications such as pramipexole.
一些药物可能会对生理疾病导致的快感缺失有效。例如,研究显示,帕金森患者在服用多巴胺激动剂药物,如普拉克索后,快感缺失症状会减轻。

You should never quit taking your prescribed antidepressant without speaking to your healthcare provider first. Let them know if it's not helping or you’re experiencing unwanted side effects. They will determine whether your medication dose needs to be changed or if you need a new medication (and how to safely make the change).
如果没有先咨询你的医生,则不应停止服用被开具的抗抑郁药物。如果这些药物并没有效果,或给你造成不良副作用,则应告知你的医生。他们会判断是否需要改变你的药物剂量或为你开具新的药物(以及如何安全地切换至新药物)

Summary
总结

Anhedonia is when your ability to feel pleasure is reduced or absent. You lose interest in the things that normally give you pleasure and may withdraw from social interactions.
快感缺失,是指感受快乐的能力降低或缺失。对通常能带给你愉悦的事情,你丧失兴趣,而且可能会不再参与社交互动场合。

Anhedonia has been associated with different mental disorders and physical conditions, including depression, bipolar disorder, and chronic pain. Treatment of anhedonia involves addressing the condition that it's associated with.
快感缺失已经被显示与不同精神障碍和生理疾病相关联,其中包括抑郁、双相情感障碍和慢性疼痛。对快感缺失的治疗需要针对与其相关的具体疾病。

Losing interest in the things you once loved can be difficult to experience. Remember that these feelings can be temporary and that anhedonia is treatable.
对曾经所热爱的事物失去兴趣,这种感觉并不好受。但记得这些感受可能会是暂时的,而且快感缺失是可治疗的。

It's important to let your healthcare provider know what's going on. They can help you figure out what's causing your anhedonia. Your treatment may include medication, therapy, or a combination of both. With the right treatment plan, you can get back to experiencing pleasure in your life again.
告诉你的医生你的真实体验,这至关重要。他们能够帮助你找出快感缺失的原因。你的治疗方法可能包括药物、心理治疗或二者兼用。在合适治疗方案下,你就能够重新体验生活中的乐趣。

Key points

High-conflict personalities and people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be emotionally immature.

高冲突人格与B类人格障碍者通常都情绪不成熟。

Recognizing the differences between emotional maturity and immaturity can help someone spot such individuals.

识别情绪成熟与不成熟之间的区别有助于让人识别出这类人。

Once recognized, steps can be taken to effectively deal with the relationships and set realistic expectations.

一旦识别后,就能够采取措施,有效应对这类人际关系,设置切合实际的期望。

As discussed in a previous article, Cluster B personality disorders—broadly conceptualized as "high-conflict personalities"—may be more common than previously thought. People with these disorders tend to be prone to engaging in "emotional dramas" due to core deficits in their personality (Lester, 2021); as a result, they often cause relational harm to those around them.

如之前一篇文章中所说,B类人格障碍——可宽泛定义为“高冲突型人格”——可能比之前所认为的要更普遍。患有这类障碍之人易于因性格中的核心缺陷而陷入“戏剧化情绪”之中。因此,他们通常会对周围之人在人际或感情关系方面造成伤害。

Since it's possible that you have people in your life that meet these criteria, it is important to be able to recognize the behaviors these individuals tend to engage in and respond to them accordingly. One frequently shared feature of these "high-conflict" personalities is emotional immaturity, a trait that can cause substantial problems in interpersonal relationships.

由于可能你生活中也有人符合这些标准,因此,能够识别出这些人的常见行为,并做出相应的回应,这一点很重要。这类高冲突人格的一个主要共通特征是情绪不成熟,这一特征在人际关系中会导致严重问题的发生。


What Is Emotional Immaturity?
什么是情绪不成熟

Emotional maturity is, in essence, the ability to deal with reality (Gibson, 2015). Emotionally mature people are self-reflective, take responsibility for their actions, and have flexible and adaptable personality traits that help them navigate the world with minimal detrimental consequences.

本质而言,情绪成熟,是指有能力应对现实。情绪成熟之人能够自我反省、对自身行为负责,具备灵活、适应型性格特征,这些性格特征能够帮助他们在生活中尽可能规避危害型后果。

Conversely, emotionally immature people are often unable to deal with reality and tend to alter their perceptions of reality to fit their own needs. As Gibson (2019) states, their bodies may have grown up—but mentally, they have arrested development and are often “stuck” at an earlier emotional age. It may be even possible to roughly identify the age at which a person is functioning at an emotional level. Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently? Are they insensitive to the feelings of others? Are they stuck in maladaptive thinking patterns (seeing everything in black-and-white, for example)?

相反,情绪不成熟人群通常无法应对现实,常常会根据他们自身需求而更改他们对现实的主观认知。如Gibson所说,他们的身体可能已经长大,但就思维而言,他们发展停滞,通常“卡”在了一个较早期的情绪年龄。甚至还可能大体识别出一个人的情绪年龄。他们是否总是发脾气?他们是否总是会拒绝交流(比如冷战)?他们是否对别人的感受毫不敏感?他们是否困于适应不良型思维模式中(比如,总是非黑即白的思维)?

Regardless of their emotional "age," emotionally immature people tend to lack emotional sensitivity, be self-preoccupied, or behave in ways that cause you to question your own reality. You may find communication difficult, or even impossible. They may be deceptive, manipulative, or impulsive with their actions and emotions. They struggle with navigating circumstances without negative consequences due to these deficits. For example, since impulsivity is common in emotionally immature individuals, they may chronically lie and cheat because their feelings override reason and morality.

无论他们的情绪年龄几何,情绪不成熟人群通常缺乏情绪敏感性、只关注自我,或者他们的行为方式导致你开始质疑你眼中的现实。你可能会发现和他们很难沟通,或者甚至完全不可能沟通。他们可能会擅于欺骗、擅于操纵,或者在行为和情绪上具有冲动性。由于他们的这些不足,他们往往很难避免负面后果。例如,由于情绪不成熟之人往往都很冲动,因此他们可能会有撒谎和欺骗的长期习惯,因为他们的感受是凌驾于理性和道德感之上的。


Characteristics of Emotionally Immature People
情绪不成熟之人的特征

The following are characteristics and descriptions that may help you recognize emotional immaturity and deal with it effectively (Gibson, 2019). The purpose of this article is not to diagnose people; diagnoses should only be given after examination by a qualified mental health professional. However, it can be helpful to be able to spot emotional immaturity in others in order to handle the situation both realistically and tactfully. It is impossible to deal with a situation unless it is recognized and acknowledged.

以下特征和描述可能有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征,并做出有效应对。本文目的并非诊断他人,只有在有资质的精神健康专业人士进行检查测试之后才可以做出诊断。但这些特征却有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征,从而让你能够以既切合实际又具有策略性地方式做出应对。认识问题,承认问题,才能应对问题。

1
They tend to think of themselves first, engaging in chronic self-absorbed behavior.
他们通常最先考虑自己,长期表现出以自我为中心的行为。

2
They do not know how to repair relationships effectively; conflicts are rarely resolved and may be ignored. A frequent mantra is "just move on."
他们不知道如何有效修复感情关系。感情关系中的冲突很少被真正解决,可能会被无视。他们经常说的一句话是:这件事就翻篇吧。

3
They are unable to take others' perspectives or stand in their shoes.
他们无法采取别人的视角或从别人角度看问题。

4
They frequently show a lack of guilt or remorse.
他们通常表现出缺乏内疚感或懊悔感。

5
They do what feels best—which means they often don't learn from past mistakes and may continue to repeat behavior that has negative consequences.
他们任性而为——即,他们通常不会从过去错误中汲取教训,而且可能会继续重复那些曾导致负面后果的行为。

6
They engage in little self-reflection.
他们几乎从不自我反思。

7
There is a history of conflict and drama in their relationships.
他们一直以来人际感情关系中都充斥着冲突与戏剧化。

8
They have a history of denying reality due to affective realism (reality is what it feels like instead of what it is) or distorting it (making up a new narrative about a situation) in order to deal with it.
他们历来会因为“情感现实主义”(对他们而言,现实是他们感觉的样子,而非事实的样子)而否认现实,或者扭曲现实(对某一情形编造出一种新的说法),从而让他们能够应对现实。

9
They demonstrate a pattern of impulsive behavior; they feel more than think.
他们表现出冲动型行为模式。他们更多地依赖感受,而非思考。

10
They often get enmeshed in relationships instead of engaging in healthy emotional intimacy.
他们通常会困于感情关系中,而非营建健康情感亲密关系。

11
They tend to disregard others' well-being and safety.
他们通常会不顾别人的健康幸福和安全。

12
They rarely do emotional work.
他们很少做情绪方面的管理。

13
They demonstrate little or no empathy.
他们几乎不会或完全不会表现出同理心。


Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Immature People
识别自己在情绪不成熟之人身边时的个人感受

After seeing the signs above, it's also important to notice how you feel around emotionally immature people and those with high-conflict personalities. Feelings of discomfort, anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and irritation are common.
在觉察到上述迹象后,同样重要的时,注意到自己的感受。不适感、焦虑、疑惑、疲倦和愤怒都是普遍的感受

You may feel like every conversation is one-sided; you may feel hurt because your experiences and feelings are often discounted and ignored. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells, or that the person is overly negative and “draining.” Emotionally immature people often provoke anger because others in their life tend to feel dismissed, unseen, or as if their reality is questioned.

你可能会感到每次对话都是单方面谈话,
你可能会感到受伤因为你的体验和感受通常会被贬低或无视。
你可能还会感到一直需要小心翼翼,
或对方过于负能量,在“吸干”你的能量。
情绪不成熟之人通常会引发别人愤怒,因为他们生活中的其他人通常会感到被不屑一顾、被无视,或自己对现实的认知被质疑。

Because such people at times employ gaslighting to discount others' reality, you may feel “scrambled” or like you can't think straight after an interaction. Finally, ongoing depression, anxiety, or other similar symptoms may arise after dealing with these personalities over time.

因为这类人有时候会通过“煤气灯操纵的形式”否认别人眼中的现实,在与他们互动之后,你可能感到大脑一团乱麻一般,仿佛自己根本已经无法清晰思考。最终,在长期与这类人格之人相处之后,就会出现持续的抑郁、焦虑或其他类似症状。


Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Mature People
识别自己在情绪成熟之人身边时的感受

In contrast, you likely feel energized when interacting with emotionally mature people. You may even feel grateful after you spend time with them. Colloquially, they have “good vibes” and leave you feeling validated and understood. You feel empathy from them.

与之相对,当与情绪成熟之人打交道时,你可能会感到能量满满。在与他们相处之后,你甚至还会有种感激之情。用俗话来说,他们让人“如沐春风”,让你感到被认可、被理解。你能感受到他们的同理心。

They usually take responsibility for their actions, feel bad or guilty when they think they hurt you, and apologize for their behavioral missteps. They are able to think and feel at the same time. They are self-reflective, are able to build deep emotional connections over time, and their defenses adapt to reality. Emotionally mature people are able to deal with both outer and inner reality and are realistic, adapt, and accept what is.

他们通常会对自己行为负责,
当他们觉得自己伤害了你时,会感觉糟糕或内疚,并为自己的不当行为道歉。
他们既感性又理性。
他们能够自我反思,
能够随着时间推移建立起深层的情感连接,
他们能够调整个人防御机制使之适应现实。
他们既能够应对外在现实也能够应对内在现实,
他们切合实际、具有适应性,能够接受客观现实。


Emotional Maturity and Dealing with Conflict
情绪成熟&应对冲突

All relationships are stressful at times. However, chronically stressful relationships may be indicative of a larger problem in one or both parties. When conflicts arise between two emotionally mature people, their attempts to repair the relationship often help make it stronger. Both parties may end up feeling more understood, closer, and warmer towards each other, in spite of the original conflict.

所有感情关系并非都一帆风顺。但长期的充斥着压力的感情关系可能意味着一方或双方都存在某种更大的问题。当两个情绪成熟的人之间发生冲突时,他们在修复感情关系方面所做的努力会让感情变得更牢固。尽管之前有冲突,但双方最后会感到更加被理解、更加亲近、更加亲密。

In contrast, there often is no genuine conflict resolution with emotionally immature individuals. It is vital to acknowledge and recognize these dynamics in areas where you have to deal with them, such as at work, and deliberately choose whether or not to deal with them in personal relationships. Once you do, you can change both your tactics and expectations of the relationships to promote the most successful and safe outcome for yourself and others.

但与之相对,在情绪不成熟的两个人之间,通常冲突并没有真正得以解决。在人际关系中,如果在一些场合,存在这类互动关系,而且你不得不去应对这类互动关系,比如职场,那么,识别并承认这种互动关系的存在,并且仔细抉择是否去处理应对,这一点至关重要。一旦你这样做了,你就可以改变你在这段关系中的策略,改变你对这段关系的期望,为你自己和他人之间促成最成功、最安全的结果。

Key points

High-conflict personalities and people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be emotionally immature.
高冲突人格与B类人格障碍者通常都情绪不成熟。

Recognizing the differences between emotional maturity and immaturity can help someone spot such individuals.
识别情绪成熟与不成熟之间的区别有助于让人识别出这类人。

Once recognized, steps can be taken to effectively deal with the relationships and set realistic expectations.
一旦识别后,就能够采取措施,有效应对这类人际关系,设置切合实际的期望。

As discussed in a previous article, Cluster B personality disorders—broadly conceptualized as "high-conflict personalities"—may be more common than previously thought. People with these disorders tend to be prone to engaging in "emotional dramas" due to core deficits in their personality (Lester, 2021); as a result, they often cause relational harm to those around them.

如之前一篇文章中所说,B类人格障碍——可宽泛定义为“高冲突型人格”——可能比之前所认为的要更普遍。患有这类障碍之人易于因性格中的核心缺陷而陷入“戏剧化情绪”之中。因此,他们通常会对周围之人在人际或感情关系方面造成伤害。

Since it's possible that you have people in your life that meet these criteria, it is important to be able to recognize the behaviors these individuals tend to engage in and respond to them accordingly. One frequently shared feature of these "high-conflict" personalities is emotional immaturity, a trait that can cause substantial problems in interpersonal relationships.

由于可能你生活中也有人符合这些标准,因此,能够识别出这些人的常见行为,并做出相应的回应,这一点很重要。这类高冲突人格的一个主要共通特征是情绪不成熟,这一特征在人际关系中会导致严重问题的发生。


What Is Emotional Immaturity?
什么是情绪不成熟

Emotional maturity is, in essence, the ability to deal with reality (Gibson, 2015). Emotionally mature people are self-reflective, take responsibility for their actions, and have flexible and adaptable personality traits that help them navigate the world with minimal detrimental consequences.

本质而言,情绪成熟,是指有能力应对现实。情绪成熟之人能够自我反省、对自身行为负责,具备灵活、适应型性格特征,这些性格特征能够帮助他们在生活中尽可能规避危害型后果。

Conversely, emotionally immature people are often unable to deal with reality and tend to alter their perceptions of reality to fit their own needs. As Gibson (2019) states, their bodies may have grown up—but mentally, they have arrested development and are often “stuck” at an earlier emotional age. It may be even possible to roughly identify the age at which a person is functioning at an emotional level. Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently? Are they insensitive to the feelings of others? Are they stuck in maladaptive thinking patterns (seeing everything in black-and-white, for example)?

相反,情绪不成熟人群通常无法应对现实,常常会根据他们自身需求而更改他们对现实的主观认知。如Gibson所说,他们的身体可能已经长大,但就思维而言,他们发展停滞,通常“卡”在了一个较早期的情绪年龄。甚至还可能大体识别出一个人的情绪年龄。他们是否总是发脾气?他们是否总是会拒绝交流(比如冷战)?他们是否对别人的感受毫不敏感?他们是否困于适应不良型思维模式中(比如,总是非黑即白的思维)?

Regardless of their emotional "age," emotionally immature people tend to lack emotional sensitivity, be self-preoccupied, or behave in ways that cause you to question your own reality. You may find communication difficult, or even impossible. They may be deceptive, manipulative, or impulsive with their actions and emotions. They struggle with navigating circumstances without negative consequences due to these deficits. For example, since impulsivity is common in emotionally immature individuals, they may chronically lie and cheat because their feelings override reason and morality.

无论他们的情绪年龄几何,情绪不成熟人群通常缺乏情绪敏感性、只关注自我,或者他们的行为方式导致你开始质疑你眼中的现实。你可能会发现和他们很难沟通,或者甚至完全不可能沟通。他们可能会擅于欺骗、擅于操纵,或者在行为和情绪上具有冲动性。由于他们的这些不足,他们往往很难避免负面后果。例如,由于情绪不成熟之人往往都很冲动,因此他们可能会有撒谎和欺骗的长期习惯,因为他们的感受是凌驾于理性和道德感之上的。


Characteristics of Emotionally Immature People
情绪不成熟之人的特征

The following are characteristics and descriptions that may help you recognize emotional immaturity and deal with it effectively (Gibson, 2019). The purpose of this article is not to diagnose people; diagnoses should only be given after examination by a qualified mental health professional. However, it can be helpful to be able to spot emotional immaturity in others in order to handle the situation both realistically and tactfully. It is impossible to deal with a situation unless it is recognized and acknowledged.

以下特征和描述可能有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征,并做出有效应对。本文目的并非诊断他人,只有在有资质的精神健康专业人士进行检查测试之后才可以做出诊断。但这些特征却有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征,从而让你能够以既切合实际又具有策略性地方式做出应对。认识问题,承认问题,才能应对问题。

1

They tend to think of themselves first, engaging in chronic self-absorbed behavior.
他们通常最先考虑自己,长期表现出以自我为中心的行为。

2

They do not know how to repair relationships effectively; conflicts are rarely resolved and may be ignored. A frequent mantra is "just move on."
他们不知道如何有效修复感情关系。感情关系中的冲突很少被真正解决,可能会被无视。他们经常说的一句话是:这件事就翻篇吧。

3

They are unable to take others' perspectives or stand in their shoes.
他们无法采取别人的视角或从别人角度看问题。

4

They frequently show a lack of guilt or remorse.
他们通常表现出缺乏内疚感或懊悔感。

5

They do what feels best—which means they often don't learn from past mistakes and may continue to repeat behavior that has negative consequences.
他们任性而为——即,他们通常不会从过去错误中汲取教训,而且可能会继续重复那些曾导致负面后果的行为。

6

They engage in little self-reflection.
他们几乎从不自我反思。

7

There is a history of conflict and drama in their relationships.
他们一直以来人际感情关系中都充斥着冲突与戏剧化。

8

They have a history of denying reality due to affective realism (reality is what it feels like instead of what it is) or distorting it (making up a new narrative about a situation) in order to deal with it.
他们历来会因为“情感现实主义”(对他们而言,现实是他们感觉的样子,而非事实的样子)而否认现实,或者扭曲现实(对某一情形编造出一种新的说法),从而让他们能够应对现实。

9

They demonstrate a pattern of impulsive behavior; they feel more than think.
他们表现出冲动型行为模式。他们更多地依赖感受,而非思考。

10

They often get enmeshed in relationships instead of engaging in healthy emotional intimacy.
他们通常会困于感情关系中,而非营建健康情感亲密关系。

11

They tend to disregard others' well-being and safety.
他们通常会不顾别人的健康幸福和安全。

12

They rarely do emotional work.
他们很少做情绪方面的管理。

13

They demonstrate little or no empathy.
他们几乎不会或完全不会表现出同理心。


Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Immature People
识别自己在情绪不成熟之人身边时的个人感受

After seeing the signs above, it's also important to notice how you feel around emotionally immature people and those with high-conflict personalities. Feelings of discomfort, anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and irritation are common.

在觉察到上述迹象后,同样重要的时,注意到自己的感受。不适感、焦虑、疑惑、疲倦和愤怒都是普遍的感受。

You may feel like every conversation is one-sided; you may feel hurt because your experiences and feelings are often discounted and ignored. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells, or that the person is overly negative and “draining.” Emotionally immature people often provoke anger because others in their life tend to feel dismissed, unseen, or as if their reality is questioned.

你可能会感到每次对话都是单方面谈话,
你可能会感到受伤因为你的体验和感受通常会被贬低或无视。
你可能还会感到一直需要小心翼翼,
或对方过于负能量,在“吸干”你的能量。
情绪不成熟之人通常会引发别人愤怒,因为他们生活中的其他人通常会感到被不屑一顾、被无视,或自己对现实的认知被质疑。

Because such people at times employ gaslighting to discount others' reality, you may feel “scrambled” or like you can't think straight after an interaction. Finally, ongoing depression, anxiety, or other similar symptoms may arise after dealing with these personalities over time.

因为这类人有时候会通过“煤气灯操纵的形式”否认别人眼中的现实,在与他们互动之后,你可能感到大脑一团乱麻一般,仿佛自己根本已经无法清晰思考。最终,在长期与这类人格之人相处之后,就会出现持续的抑郁、焦虑或其他类似症状。


Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Mature People
识别自己在情绪成熟之人身边时的感受

In contrast, you likely feel energized when interacting with emotionally mature people. You may even feel grateful after you spend time with them. Colloquially, they have “good vibes” and leave you feeling validated and understood. You feel empathy from them.

与之相对,当与情绪成熟之人打交道时,你可能会感到能量满满。在与他们相处之后,你甚至还会有种感激之情。用俗话来说,他们让人“如沐春风”,让你感到被认可、被理解。你能感受到他们的同理心。

They usually take responsibility for their actions, feel bad or guilty when they think they hurt you, and apologize for their behavioral missteps. They are able to think and feel at the same time. They are self-reflective, are able to build deep emotional connections over time, and their defenses adapt to reality. Emotionally mature people are able to deal with both outer and inner reality and are realistic, adapt, and accept what is.

他们通常会对自己行为负责,
当他们觉得自己伤害了你时,会感觉糟糕或内疚,并为自己的不当行为道歉。
他们既感性又理性。
他们能够自我反思,
能够随着时间推移建立起深层的情感连接,
他们能够调整个人防御机制使之适应现实。
他们既能够应对外在现实也能够应对内在现实,
他们切合实际、具有适应性,能够接受客观现实。

Emotional Maturity and Dealing with Conflict
情绪成熟&应对冲突

All relationships are stressful at times. However, chronically stressful relationships may be indicative of a larger problem in one or both parties. When conflicts arise between two emotionally mature people, their attempts to repair the relationship often help make it stronger. Both parties may end up feeling more understood, closer, and warmer towards each other, in spite of the original conflict.

所有感情关系并非都一帆风顺。但长期的充斥着压力的感情关系可能意味着一方或双方都存在某种更大的问题。当两个情绪成熟的人之间发生冲突时,他们在修复感情关系方面所做的努力会让感情变得更牢固。尽管之前有冲突,但双方最后会感到更加被理解、更加亲近、更加亲密。

In contrast, there often is no genuine conflict resolution with emotionally immature individuals. It is vital to acknowledge and recognize these dynamics in areas where you have to deal with them, such as at work, and deliberately choose whether or not to deal with them in personal relationships. Once you do, you can change both your tactics and expectations of the relationships to promote the most successful and safe outcome for yourself and others.

但与之相对,在情绪不成熟的两个人之间,通常冲突并没有真正得以解决。在人际关系中,如果在一些场合,存在这类互动关系,而且你不得不去应对这类互动关系,比如职场,那么,识别并承认这种互动关系的存在,并且仔细抉择是否去处理应对,这一点至关重要。一旦你这样做了,你就可以改变你在这段关系中的策略,改变你对这段关系的期望,为你自己和他人之间促成最成功、最安全的结果。

While lending others a helping hand is typically a good thing, for those with savior complex, it becomes an unhealthy means of coping or validation.

尽管向他人伸出援手通常是好事,但对于患有救世主情结的人而言,这种行为通常是一种不健康的应对机制或寻求认可的方式

Savior complex occurs when individuals feel good about themselves only when helping someone, believe their job or purpose is to help those around them, and sacrifice their own interests and well-being in the effort to aid another.

救世主情结是指:一个人只有在帮助别人时才会自我感觉良好,并认为他们的使命就是帮助周围的人,而且会牺牲自身利益和幸福去试图帮助他人

Although this knight in shining armor, straight-out-of-a-fairy-tale behavior might sound too good to be true, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism that can do more harm than good.

尽管这种身着闪亮铠甲,宛若童话般的骑士听起来可能美好得不大可能,但实际上这是一种弊大于利的不健康应对机制。

People with savior complex try to feel in control by fixing the lives of others — often in order to distract themselves from their own anxiety or powerlessness. Helping others also induces a sense of validation in such people, helping them feel better about their own lives — resulting in an obsessive need to fix in order to maintain this good feeling.

救世主情结者通过挽救别人人生的方式来试图寻找到控制感,他们这种行为通常是为了将自己的注意力从自身的焦虑和无助感上转移开。帮助他人同时也会给助人者带来一种认可感,让他们对自己人生的自我感觉更好,这就导致他们为了维持这种良好的自我感觉,而陷入一种“想要救助他人”的偏执需求中。

If you’re genuinely trying to help others, you may want to pay attention to overdoing it. Even the kindest actions can be harmful to mental and physical health. If you’re helping because you feel superior or are craving power, or if your actions harm others, it can be a sign to get help. In some cases, a person with a messiah complex may treat others poorly and demand obedience. Some people with a savior complex have messianic delusions and actually think they are a savior as taught in the Bible.

如果你真心想要帮助他人,那么应注意不要过火。即使最善义的行为也可能会对精神和生理健康有害。如果你是因为想要优越感或渴望权力而帮助他人,或者你的行为伤害到了他人,那么这些都是你需要寻求帮助的征兆。有时,救世主情结者可能会恶劣对待他人,并要求别人顺从自己。一些救世主情结者甚至还会产生错觉,真的觉得就是圣经中所说的真正救世主。

If your good intentions go off the rails -- whether you mean for them to or not -- that’s known as pathological altruism. It can be a result of having a savior complex.

Predispositions to the savior complex can sometimes be traced back to dysfunctional family dynamics in childhood — resulting in the unhealthy coping mechanism that continues into adulthood.

如果你的善意并未善终,无论这是否是你本意,这种情况被称为“病理性利他主义”。这就可能是救世主情结的后果之一。一些人易产生救世主情结,其原因有时可能追溯到童年时期功能失调(不正常)的家庭关系,这类家庭关系导致了延续至成年期的不健康应对机制。

People with savior complex often believe they are somehow better than others because they help people all the time, leading to feelings of being morally superior. In addition, experts note that savior complex can induce feelings of omnipotence, making people who experience it prone to believing no one else can save others they way they can.

救世主情结者通常认为他们在某种意义上要优于别人,因为他们总是在帮助他人,因此他们产生一种道德优越感。另外,专家还提出,救世主情结会催生一种无所不能感,让患者易于认为在救助他人方面,自己无人能敌。

One of the most famous examples of a dangerous leader with a savior complex was Adolf Hitler. He viewed himself as the savior of the entire nation of Germany, and believed that it was his responsibility to save them from the scourge of undesirable people attempting to challenge German dominance. Tragically, much of Germany fell in line behind this self-declared savior, and the horrors of World War II and the Holocaust followed.

患有救世主情结的危险领导者的最著名例子之一,就是希特勒。他将自己视为整个德国的救世主,并认为挽救德国,使德国免遭试图挑战德国人主导地位的不良种族的祸害。悲惨的是,德国大部分地区都选择了追随这一自封的救世主,接踵而至的,便是恐怖的二次大战和种族屠杀。

Because people with savior complex tend to “seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs,” they are often “identified as ‘nice guys,’ but the truth is emotionally healthy [people] will never have a compelling need to seek that kind of validation. That itself should be an alerting sign,” notes Sara Benson, PsyD, a psychologist.

因为患有救世主情结之人常常会“搜寻迫切需要帮助之人,并向他们提供帮助,而且通常会牺牲个人需求,“他们通常会被视为“好人”。但事实上,情绪健康人群从来都不会具有寻求这种认可的强迫型需求。这种对认可的强迫需求本身就应该是一个警报信号。心理学家与心理学博士Sara Benson表示。

These personality characteristics are often driven by a sense of nobility, that such selfless behavior is the “right thing to do”. This can gradually evolve into feelings of superiority towards those they are helping, and the line between being generous and being patronizing becomes blurred. Becoming overly emotionally or financially invested in “tragic cases” can result in a pattern, a dangerous cycle where temporary improvements are seen as “victories”, but the individuals receiving help fail to develop their own tools for self-help and self-motivation.

这些性格特点的驱动因素通常是一种高尚感,即,感到这种无私行为是“正确的事”。这会逐渐演变为对受助者的优越感,而且慷慨与施舍之间的界限会逐渐变得模糊。从情感或经济上过度投入于这些“悲惨人物”会导致一种行为模式、一种危险的循环,即,短暂的改善被视为“胜利”,但受助者却未能培养出自助、自我驱动的工具。

Behavioral experts agree that “helping” does indeed have the potential to become an addiction. When we help others, our brains emit three chemicals, often referred to as the happiness trifecta:

行为专家也认为帮助他人的确会可能具有成瘾性。当我们帮助他人时,我们大脑会释放三种化学物质,它们通常被称为幸福三宝

Serotonin (produces intense feelings of wellbeing)
血清素(产生强烈幸福感)

Dopamine (intensifies motivation)
多巴胺(强化自驱性)

Oxytocin (increases a sense of connection to others)
催产素(提升与他人的连接感)

The “feel good” outcome of this combination naturally makes us want to repeat it. But when our need to help becomes so insatiable that our sense of purpose is tied directly to others, specifically, them needing our guidance, it is no longer other people that we are helping. It is ourselves.

这一组合的良好感觉效果自然而然就会让我们想要再来一次。但当我们想要帮助他人的需求变得是如此难以被满足,以至于我们的目标感与他人直接捆绑在一起,具体而言,与别人对我们指导的需求而绑定在一起,那么我们帮助的就不再是别人,而是自己。

Psychologists refer to this particular problem as agency addiction. It is defined as a need to rescue others through helping — with our advice, coaching, or ideas — in order to bolster our feelings of self-importance. Whereas those with a healthy sense of agency are just as gratified by helping others succeed as they are seeing them succeed on their own.

心理学家将这种特定问题称为主观能动性成瘾症。其定义是,需要通过帮助他人(以提建议、指导或想法的形式等)来拯救他人,目的是为了提振我们的自我重要感。而拥有健康主观能动性的人无论是帮助别人成功,或者看到别人自己获得成功,所获得的满足感都是一样的。

This problem often arises in personal relationships, in which a person perpetually seeks out those who “need” help, such as those struggling with addiction, poverty, or mental health troubles. This desire to “fix” or “change” someone who has a perceived problem can turn them into a project or a patient, rather than a lover or partner. It has also been observed that white teachers who work in challenging environments, often in communities of color, develop certain biases, beliefs and patterns of behavior that are aligned with a savior complex.

这一问题通常发生于个人感情关系中,即,一个人总是会去寻找那些“需要帮助”的对象,比如挣扎于瘾症、贫穷或精神健康问题中的人。因为他们“想要“修复”或“改变”某个在他们看来有问题的人,这种念头就将受助者转变为了一个项目,或一位病人,而非爱人或伴侣。另外根据观察,一些在具有挑战性的环境中,通常是在有色人群社群中工作的白人教师,往往会产生一些与救世主情结相符合的特定偏见、理念和行为模式。

While helping people out generally isn’t harmful, an individual with savior complex can actually harm more than they help, by trying to fix something they don’t have the skills to fix, rather than entrusting the job to someone who does. “If your partner has a drug or alcohol problem and you refuse to leave them because they ‘need’ you — this is also enabling behavior. They have a serious health problem that your presence alone cannot fix,” Julie Williamson, a counselor, notes as an example.

尽管整体而言帮助他人并非有害,但一位患有救世主情结的人可能实际上造成的伤害要大于帮助,因为他们会试图去修复一些他们并无能力修复的问题,而非选择让具有相应能力的人来做这件事。“如果你的伴侣有吸毒或酗酒问题,而且你拒绝离开他们,因为他们“需要”你,那么这也是一种纵容行为。他们具有严重健康问题,只是你陪在他们身边,并无法解决这一问题,”心理咨询师 Julie Williamson举例说。

Savior complex behavior can also hinder the growth of the individual being aided and constant attempts to fix their lives and can lead to codependency, they neither learn to take responsibility for their own actions nor develop independent, internal motivation.

救世主情结还会阻碍受助者的成长,而且持续试图修复他们的人生,会导致二人之间产生病态共同依赖。受助者既不会学会为自己的行为负责,也无法培养出独立、内在的自驱性。

Because of these effects, savior complex can, in fact, add an unhealthy and often toxic dynamic to romantic relationships, as the individual with savior complex treats the relationship more like a parent-child or teacher-student relationship in a constant endeavor to fix their adult partners. Being “made to feel as if [they aren’t liked] as they are” and need fixing can make the partner frustrated and resentful, Maury Joseph, PsyD, a psychologist, explains.

因为这些后果,救世主情结实际上会为感情关系带来一种不健康且通常有害的关系模式:救世主情结者因为试图不断“修复”伴侣,对待这段感情更像是将其视为亲子或师生关系。他们让伴侣感觉自身不那么受人喜欢,而且自身有问题需要修复,这会让伴侣感到沮丧并愤懑。心理学家和心理学博士 maury Joseph表示。

“Relationships are supposed to be mutually enjoyable and give-take, not charity cases. … You should enter into relationships because you share common values and have a connection. If you are entering a committed relationship with the goal of changing your partner then [they’re a] project, not a partner,” David Bennett, a counselor, explains.

感情关系应该是带给彼此愉悦,彼此付出的,而不是慈善事业……你进入一段感情的原因应该是你们拥有相同的价值观,并心意相通。如果你进入一段固定恋情的目标是改变对方,那么,对方不过是你的一个项目而已,并非伴侣。”心理咨询师David Bennett说到。

The savior complex harms the fixer as well as their people-projects. Constant helping and sacrificing for others can cause them to feel they are taken for granted when those around them get used to their helpfulness. It can also cause them to experience burnout due to the amount of energy they expend in trying to help others. “Saviors might see symptoms similar to those in people taking care of ailing family members. … They might feel fatigued, drained, depleted in various ways,” Joseph adds.

救世主情结者同时也对救助者有害。不断帮助他人、为他人牺牲,会让他们觉得当身边的人习惯了他们的帮助后,就把这些帮助视为了理所当然。而且这种情结也可能会导致他们身心俱疲,因为他们总是花费大量精力试图去帮助别人。“救世主情结者身上往往会表现出与那些照顾患病家属之人相类似的症状……他们可能会从各种方面感到疲倦、感觉自己被抽干、被掏空”Joseph补充说。


How Can a Savior Complex Harm Me?
救世主情结对我有何害处

Even if you truly want to help others (that’s called altruism), feeling like you have to help others can:

即使你是发自真心地想要帮助他人(这被称为利他主义),如果你感觉你不得不去帮助别人,那么这可能会:

Put you in danger physically if you try to save someone in a dangerous situation

Affect your mental state, especially if you aren’t able to save the other person

Cause you to neglect your own physical needs, which could lead to illness

Lead you to get burned out

Affect your personal relationships

Negatively affect the person or people you’re trying to help

如果你试图去救一个处于危险情形中的人,可能会给你带来生命危险;

影响你的精神状态,尤其是如果你无法成功救助对方;

导致你忽视个人生理健康需求,这可能会导致疾病;

让你身心俱疲;

影响你的个人感情关系;

对你试图救助的人产生负面影响。


Is a Savior Complex a Mental Disorder?
救助者情结是否是一种精神障碍

No, but people with mental disorders may get a messiah complex. It’s compared to grandiosity, or grandiose ideas about themselves. That’s when someone has an exaggerated sense of their importance, power, or identity. It’s common in people with bipolar disorder. The messiah complex has also been linked to schizophrenia and delusional disorder.

不。但患有精神障碍者可能会产生救助者情结。这类似于一种自大感,自命不凡感,即对自身重要性、权力或身份有着夸大的错误认知。这在边缘人格障碍中常见。救助者情结还被认为与精神分裂症和妄想障碍相关联。

You don’t have to have a mental disorder to experience a savior complex. You may start helping others with good intentions and continue that way, or develop a messiah complex over time. Some people help others at their own expense because they want to feel good about themselves or they want to feel like they’re in control of others. Just because you experience a savior complex doesn’t mean that it goes on to hurt others, but it can be harmful to your general health or theirs.

你并不一定非得有某种精神障碍才会发展出救世主情结。一开始你帮助别人时,可能是本着善意,但随着时间推移就萌生了这种情结。一些人会舍己助人,因为他们想要那种良好的自我感觉,或者想要感到自己掌控对方。只是因为你有救世主情结,并不意味着它就一定会伤害他人,但它却可能会对你的或他们的整体健康有害。


What Are the Symptoms of a Savior Complex?
救世主情结的症状

You may have a messiah complex if you:

如果你有以下症状,那么你就可能具有救世主情结:

1) Want to help other people.
想要帮助他人。

2) Want better self-esteem or self-worth.
想要更高的自尊感或自我价值感;

3) People with megalomania can set out to help people (and have a messiah complex), too.
患有夸大妄想的人也可能会试图去帮助他人(并具有救世主情结);

4) Have codependency. If you feel responsible for another person’s needs -- and enable them to fill those needs, even if they’re negative -- you may be more prone to experience a messiah complex or pathological altruism.
病态共同依赖。如果你觉得自己应该对某个人的需求负责,并纵容他们满足他们的这些需求,即使这些是不健康的需求,那么你就更易于产生救世主情结或病理性利他主义。

5) Have an eating disorder. People with eating disorders often want to help others instead of themselves. Some experts believe that people with eating disorders may be more likely to have pathological altruism, which is linked to having a messiah complex.
患有饮食障碍。饮食障碍者通常会想要帮助别人,而非自己。一些专家认为,饮食障碍者更易于产生病理性利他主义理念,这种理念则与患有救世主情结相关。

6) Hoard animals. If you have a lot of animals and cannot fully care for them, you are not be doing what’s in their best interest. Some experts associate people who hoard animals with pathologic altruism.
囤积动物:如果你养了很多动物,但却又无法充分照顾它们,那么你的所作所为就并不符合它们的最佳利益。一些专家认为囤积动物者与病理性利他主义之间存在关联。

7) Think you know what’s better for others.
认为你知道什么才对别人更有利。

8) Crave power over others or self-worth. You may start out genuinely wanting to help others and find that you crave the power that it gives you. Then you may stop wanting to help others but only do it for the power or feelings of self-worth.
渴望对他人的权力或渴望自我价值。一开始你可能发自真心想要帮助他人,但却发现你渴望这种助人行为带给你的力量感。之后你再帮助别人时可能就并非出于帮助之心,而只是为了追求这种力量感和自我价值感。

9) Feel superior to others based on race. Beliefs on race can be a driver for a person to feel obligated to help others, too. This is known as white savior complex.
种族优越感。对种族的观念可能也会让你一个人感觉自己有义务帮助别人。这也被称为白色救世主情结。

10) Have delusional disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other mental disorder.
患有妄想障碍、边缘人格障碍、精神分裂症和其他精神障碍等。


These 17 signs show you may have savior complex in your relationship
感情中你可能患有救世主情结的17个迹象

1) You really want to change and “fix” some fundamental things about your partner
你真心想改变或“修复”对方的一些本质性问题;

2) You feel like you know what’s best for your partner – even more than they do for themselves
你感觉你知道什么才是对对方最好的——甚至比对方自身都要清楚;

3) You treat them like you’re interviewing them or “checking up” on them frequently
你对对方的对待方式经常如同审问或检查;

4) You have many ideas and answers for their life and long-term improvements
对于对方的人生和长期提升,你有很多的想法和答案;

5) You trust yourself more than any professional or expert to help address their problems
在帮助解决对方问题方面,你更信任自己,而非任何专业人士或专家。

6) You start paying their financial costs
你开始承担对方的经济开销;

7) You run your partner’s schedule and organize their life more than they do
在对方的日常计划执行和对方的生活安排方面,你做的要比对方做的多。

8) You’re working overtime while they sink deeper
你越来越马不停蹄劳作,但对方越陷越深(你一直在干活,比如各种家务,对方一直心安理得享受)

9) Your romantic spark is eclipsed by a therapist-patient dynamic
你们的爱情火花被一种心理咨询师——患者的关系模式给遮蔽了。

10) You look after your partner so much you don’t leave enough time for yourself
你如此劳神费力照顾对方,以至于没有足够时间留给自己;

11) You blame yourself for their problems and setbacks
你将对方的问题和挫折归咎于自己;

12) You place your own happiness completely in your ability to help your partner
你将个人幸福完全置于自己帮助对方的能力上;

13) You’re certain that without you your partner would be toast
你坚信如果没有你,对方就完了;

14) You stay in the relationship even if you’re unhappy because you feel a sense of responsibility and dependence
你选择继续这段感情,即使你并不开心,因为你看到一种责任感和依赖感;

15) You don’t think you deserve someone who treats you better
你觉得你配不上一个对你更好的人;

16) Your sex life and emotional bond frays but you just try even harder to help
你的性生活和情感纽带受挫,但你只是更努力地尝试去帮助对方(觉得自己做的还不够多,应该更努力一些,更多沟通一些,满足对方的更多需求)。

17) You feel bound by an invisible cord that just gets stronger with time
你觉得自己被一根隐形的绳子束缚住了,而且这根绳子随着时间推移变得越来越结实;

When you’re in a codependent cycle, it’s not healthy or wonderful.

It drags you and your partner both down, and the wound-mate bond just gets stronger over time.

You feel this overwhelming guilt that you can’t leave them. It’s too late now after all this time.

You feel a wound inside yourself that can only be validated and healed by fixing or rescuing this other individual you care about.

But it’s not true. And it’s time to step out into the sunlight.

当你处于一段病态共同依赖的循环中时,这(种捆绑感)既不健康也并非好事。

它会将你们二人向下越拽越深,这种基于创伤而形成的纽带会随着时间推移逐渐加固;

你感到一种排山倒海般的内疚感,你告诉自己不能离开对方。现在,过了那么久,已经太迟了。

你感到内心有一处伤口,而且只有通过“修复”或拯救你所在乎的另一个人,才能让这一伤口得到认可和愈合。

但这一切并非事实。而且,是时候走出阴霾,沐浴阳光之下了。

You are worthy of love and a strong relationship and you are not compelled or even capable of fixing someone else. It’s OK to recognize and fully accept that and love yourself and love your partner outside the framework of the savior complex. Sometimes there are issues you can work through, sometimes it is time to go your separate ways.

你值得爱,值得一段牢固的感情,你没有义务,甚至也没有能力去修复别人。承认并完全接受这一点,同时在救世主情结框架外爱你自己和爱对方,这完全是可行的。有时有的问题你们可以解决,但有时候则是时候分道扬镳。

Either way: be strong in the deep inner knowledge that you both deserve love that is unshackled and true.

无论如何:坚信你们都值得拥有不被束缚、真正的爱。


So what are solutions for avoiding the “savior” trap with relationships and clients?
如何避免感情关系中和与患者之间的“救世主”陷阱呢

Process emotions with friends, family and/or other staff members.
与朋友、家人和/或其他同事处理你的情绪;

Set boundaries with other individuals that allow you to balance caring for them with trying to “save” them.
与其他人之间设立界限,让自己能够在照顾它们和挽救它们之间达成平衡;

Say “maybe” or “no” before saying yes in order to give yourself time to weigh options.
在答应之前,说“可能”或“不”,从而给自己时间权衡各种选项;

Slow down enough to be mindful of choices.
足够慢下来,清楚意识到各种选项;

Reach out for support from a therapist or coach in order to receive an objective assessment of your interpersonal issue.
向心理咨询师或导师寻求帮助,从而对自身人际问题获得一份客观评估。

Let your loved one, friend and/or client take responsibility for their actions.
让自己所爱之人、朋友和/或患者为自己的行为负责;

Do not work harder than your friend, loved one and/or client.
在他们自身问题上,不要比你的朋友、所爱之人和/或客户更努力;

Do the best that you can do to support the individual and then “let go” of the results.
尽己所能支持对方,然后不要纠结于结果如何。

Redefining “helping” and “caring.”
重新定义“帮助”和“关心”。


What does “helping” mean to you and for this individual?
“帮助”对你和对方而言意味着什么

Asking questions
询问

Backing off
不干预

Simply listening
倾听

Offering action steps and coping skills instead of doing the work for them
为对方提供行动步骤和应对技巧,而非为对方代劳;


Ask yourself:
问自己

Am I helping this person by avoiding natural consequences?
让对方避免承受自然后果,这种行为是否真的是在帮助对方?

Is this decision made to keep them “happy” or for their overall health?
这一决定是为了取悦对方,还是为了对方整体健康情况着想?

Is my action helping them to get better or me to feel better?
我的行为是在帮助他们变得更好,还是为了让我自我感觉更好?

Am I being invited to help?
我有被邀请提供帮助吗?

Do I “want” to or have to do this?
我想要这样做吗?我必须得这样做吗?

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Coco有话说

自2019年12月以来,新冠肺炎(“COVID-19”)疫情一直牵动着全国人民的心,我们每天都会关注很多疫情相关的信息。对这些信息的认知会影响我们的情绪感受,而起伏的情绪也将影响着我们的行为。面对此次疫情,如何应对和调控情绪,进而保持冷静和客观的状态投入到日常的生活和学习工作中,是我们每个人都面临和要解决的问题。

由北京幸福公益基金会和清华大学心理学系联合发起的“抗击疫情 心理援助”的公益项目,以专业性、有效性、长久性为原则,自1月29日开始在云视频会议平台上开展了针对心理援助者的心理危机干预的专业培训。本期推文整理了寇彧教授在2月14日第二期专家培训课程中的讲座内容,主要探讨“情绪信念”在情绪对人们行为中的影响,并介绍两种有效的情绪调节策略,帮助大家积极应对疫情信息。


最近,相信我们每个人每天都在关注着疫情的发展态势,看到网络上的各种信息,我们可能会感到焦虑,恐慌,坐立不安,感觉自己什么也做不了,也更容易跟身边的人吵架;但也有人虽然会感到焦虑,不安,却能沉着应对,比如定时关注疫情官方信息,做自己力所能及的捐助,积极配合国家政策,等待疫情拐点和好消息的出现。

为什么面对疫情,同样感到焦虑恐慌,但是个体的行为表现会不同呢情绪到底是如何影响我们的行为?根据以往研究,我们认为这可能受到个体的情绪信念的影响,即,情绪通过情绪信念来影响人的行为。

IMG_8815.JPG


一、什么是情绪信念,情绪信念如何形成

信念是指个体对某种观点坚信不疑的态度和看法。我们常见的信念有“人生观,世界观和价值观”。事实上我们对情绪也有自己的态度和看法,也即每个人其实都有自己的情绪信念。

Ford和Gross围绕情绪信念做了大量的研究,他们认为,对我们的情绪体验和情绪调节影响比较大的情绪信念有两类:一是关于情绪是好/不好的信念,主要反映了个体对情绪的评价性态度;二是情绪是否可控的信念,这反映了个体能否积极主动调节情绪的信念

情绪信念的形成与我们的价值观以及生活经历有关,如果个体在成长过程中经历很多负性生活事件,经常体验消极情绪,就很容易产生情绪是不好的,情绪是不可控的信念。从这个角度来讲,每个人的生活经历不同,价值观不同,情绪信念也会不同。

情绪信念具有一定的稳定性和普遍性;但是情绪信念也会因情绪的性质、发生背景、情绪强度、持续时间、情绪目标、表达方式等的变化而不同,比如有人会认为强烈的情绪都不好,中等程度的情绪就很好,而有的人认为高兴的情绪就好,生气的情绪则不好且不可控。从这个角度说,情绪信念也有特殊性和变化性。

此外,特定文化对某种情绪的赞许也会影响个体的情绪信念,比如中国传统文化提倡中庸,也更重视人际关系的和谐,所以就更提倡情绪的稳定和适度隐藏,因而会使人们认为太激烈的情绪不好,比如乐极容易生悲。

IMG_8816.JPG


二、情绪如何通过情绪信念影响人的行为

上面我们讲到个体的情绪体验影响其情绪信念的形成。研究者还发现不同的情绪信念也会对行为产生不同的影响

首先,情绪信念影响个体的当下行为。例如,相信情绪是不好的个体,会更关注引起消极情绪的压力源;有些家长认为愤怒的情绪是有价值的,他们通常就会更包容自己孩子的生气或愤怒情绪,让孩子表达出来,促进孩子情绪的健康发展;有些人相信情绪是不可控的,他们在生气时,会更认为是他人惹自己生气的,进而体验到更强烈的消极情绪。

其次,情绪信念也影响个体的长期行为。例如,相信情绪是不好的人,其心理健康水平比较低,幸福感比较低;相信表达愤怒对问题解决有用的个体,则可能会经常表达愤怒情绪,长期积累,有可能会形成攻击和暴力的人格特征;而相信情绪不可控的个体可能更容易沉溺于情绪中,不能积极地调节自身情绪状态,进而更可能产生抑郁症状。可见,情绪体验影响着情绪信念的形成,而情绪信念进而影响了我们的行为。

IMG_8817.JPG

那么,情绪信念又如何影响行为呢?它是通过引发人们做出情绪调节的决策,进而选择适合的情绪调节策略来影响行为的


三、如何有效调节情绪

下面主要介绍两种方法。

1
提高情绪胜任力

简单说,情绪胜任力(Emotional Competence)表现在四个方面:情绪觉知,情绪识别,情绪表达和情绪调节

情绪觉知就是当自己处于情绪状态时,自己能够意识到自己的情绪并知晓自己当下体验到的是什么情绪;情绪识别是指知道引发自己或他人情绪的线索,以及通过什么可以辨别自己或他人的情绪;情绪表达说的是按照情境规范表达情绪,所以会涉及特定文化及环境的赞许性要求,比如男孩当众流泪常常不被赞许,所以经常有男孩压抑悲伤的情绪;情绪调节是说个体有意识地把不被赞许的情绪调节成被接受的,或者把过度的情绪调节成适度的等等。

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提高情绪胜任力,可以通过以下几方面来努力:

(1)有意识地训练自己察觉当下的情绪状态。学习或了解更多的情绪词汇,提高觉察情绪的敏感性等都是有效的做法;

(2)时常跟自己描述自己的感受或者审视他人的情绪感受,以及关注是什么让我们能知晓自己或他人的情绪感受,也就是说要注意并反思帮我们识别各种情绪的线索。具体来说,既可以通过表现于外的表情、动作,引发情绪的情境、事件,旁观者的情绪反应来识别情绪,也可以通过内在的心理感受来体验情绪。这两方面都能够帮助我们识别情绪线索;

(3)通过剖析情绪的产生原因和后果,学习适应环境的情绪表达规范。比如,当我们意识/觉察到愤怒情绪的后果时,我们就可能会想可不可以改变自己的情绪表达方式?事实上,情绪表达有一定的规范,如果我们学会了符合或者适应文化规范的情绪表达方式,就能更合适地去表达自己的情绪了。这也是情绪胜任力的一个方面。

(4)情绪调节:情绪调节的过程涉及到两方面的问题,一个是这个情绪可不可以转变的问题,即一种情绪能不能转换成别的情绪?比如愤怒可不可以转换成平静?难过可不可以转换成开心?另一个是情绪的强度可不可以改变的问题,即强烈的愤怒能不能变成不太强烈的愤怒呢?非常难过可不可以变成不太难过呢?其实这两者都是可以做到的。我们前面讲到的情绪觉知、情绪识别、情绪表达,其实也都是在做情绪的调节。

2
提高自信力

我们都能发现,自信的人总是举止得体,沉着冷静,他们往往可以抓住新机遇,应对挫折并迅速从打击中恢复过来,能迎接新挑战,主动做出适应性改变。如果个体具有了自信的行动力,就会采取积极的行动,进而影响情绪调节。我们一起来看看,怎样通过提高自信力来调节情绪。我们介绍两种具体的技术:

(1)认知解离技术

这个技术有两个要点。一是通过描述自己的感受,提醒自己:感受和体验不等同于你自己;二是通过想象自己对自己的言语,意识到:这些想法未必是事实,它们只是自己的想法而已。

例如,假设有六个人疑似感染新型冠状病毒而被隔离。他们六人可能会有什么想法呢?

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不难看出,这六个人对于同样一件事情的想法很不相同,当他有不同想法的时候,其感受也不同。所以我们一定要意识到自己的感受和自己的想法,觉察到自己与自己的感受和想法是完全不同的。这就是认知解离技术。

当我们能够将自己从自己的想法或感受中分离出来时,就会去对自己的想法或感受重新评价,而重新评价的结果很可能会使自己形成完全不同的感受,所以情绪就也不同了。

(2)FACADe 技术——摆脱消极观念

当我们利用认知解离技术,把自己和自己的情绪以及自己的想法解离开以后,接下来我们可以采用摆脱消极观念的FACADe技术。这个技术总体上来说就是摆脱消极观念。具体的做法是:

a)首先写下当时的情绪体验(感受,Feeling),并给自己的情绪体验打分。比如你正在体验悲伤,那么你的悲伤有多大强度?满分是10分,它是9分还是8分呢?

b)写下或意识到自己在当下情绪的影响下无法完成的事情(行动,Action)。例如,你是不是因为悲伤连床都起不来了?饭也吃不下了?

c)想一想是什么(情形,circumstance)让你产生了当下这种悲伤的情绪?比如,我们很多人都认为是当前的疫情造成了自己的不良情绪。

d)然后,我们需要仔细觉察,每当自己感到悲伤或其他情绪时,脑子中会自动地冒出些什么想法?会自动冒出哪些自己无法控制的消极想法(automatic negative thoughts)?比如有些人会觉得自己软弱,有些人会觉得自己运气不好,还有些人觉得自己很无能等等。

e)我们一定要寻找上述感受、行动,以及各种各样的自动出现的消极想法当中的不足之处或漏洞(defects),即哪一些是没有依据的,是凭空自动冒出来的,我们要找到它们的不合理之处,然后去应对它。我们来一起看看下面的例子:

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如果我们仔细反思一下,不难找到这个人想法中的漏洞,例如:

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大家不难看出来吧,如果我们找到那些在自己情绪不佳时自动冒出的消极想法的漏洞,就可以使自己的情绪变得更好一些,或者至少可以缓解自己的情绪强度。当然,这样做还可以提高自己的自信力。

所以,通过认知解离技术和FACADe技术,完全可以提升我们的自信力,也可以调节我们的情绪。但是要掌握这两种技术,必须要通过反复的循序渐进的训练。


最近一段时间,随着疫情的发展及各方面的努力,除了医护人员在抗疫一线外,大多数朋友们都是待在家里。很多人因为长时间没有规律性地工作而烦闷,没有与朋友同事的相聚而孤独;孩子们也因为学校未开学而可能长时间使用手机、电脑等,因为不能与小朋友交流而无所事事,这也引起了家长们的担忧,怕他们陷入网络成瘾,怕他们无事生非。所有这些都是非常正常的情绪反应,面对这些情绪,我们先接受它们,明白它们的产生机制,然后,使用今天所讲到的情绪信念及情绪调节来理性应对。

在当前抗击疫情的关键时刻,我们不仅需要积极看待不确定的信息,通过有效选择增强稳定感。而且,在面对信息引起的情绪起伏和困扰的时候,更需要通过情绪信念做出调节情绪的决策,而不是消极等待。我们既要积极而有效地调节情绪,而调节情绪时也需要按照情绪的规律来科学地实施。

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主要参考资料:

Ford, B. Q., & Gross, J. J. (2019). Why beliefs about emotion matter: An emotion-regulation perspective. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 28(1), 74–81. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721418806697
寇彧,张庆鹏.(2017),青少年亲社会行为促进:理论与方法,北京师范大学出版社。
【英】罗布·杨(Rob Yeung)著,寇彧等译(2018). 自信:成为最好的自己(第3版), 中国工信出版集团,人民邮电出版社。

推文作者:寇彧,姚小喃,林靓
插图:郭震
编辑:林靓
排版:董艺佳
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