彼得潘综合症（永远不想长大）&温迪综合症（育儿般体贴呵护）

People with this syndrome exhibit social behaviors and traits considered immature

患有这一综合症的人会表现出被视为不成熟的社交行为和特征。

We can all probably agree that adulting is just hard sometimes. Between paying the bills on time, taking care of the kids and carving out space for social interactions, it all piles up really fast, leaving some of us wishing we could skirt our responsibilities for good.

我们可能都认同成年有时很艰辛。账单、孩子、社交，各种压力纷至沓来，让我们不禁希望能够永远逃避这些责任。

But for some, growing up seems near impossible — so much so, that their immaturity can ruin relationships, hinder employment and have a lasting impact on their mental and physical health.

但对一些人而言，长大似乎是几近不可能的，以至于，他们的这种不成熟会摧毁他们的感情关系、阻碍他们的职业，对他们的精神和生理健康造成持久的影响。

Growing up is particularly difficult for people who have what’s popularly known as Peter Pan syndrome, but what can they do to break the cycle of immaturity and when is it a real problem?

对患有广为人知的“彼得潘综合症”的人而言，成长尤其困难。但他们如何才可以打破这种不成熟的循环，什么时候这才能被视为存在问题呢？

What is Peter Pan syndrome?
什么是彼得潘综合症？

Peter Pan syndrome (PPS), while not a recognized diagnosis, is a popular psychology term used to describe an adult who has difficulty growing up. The term is derived from the fictional character of Peter Pan, a magical boy who never grows old, created by J.M. Barrie in 1902.

彼得潘综合症虽然并非公认的医学诊断结果，但却是一个广为认知的心理学术语，用来描述难以长大的成年人。这一名称源于1902年J.M. Barrie所创作的一个虚构人物，一个永远不会长大的会魔法的小孩——彼得潘。

People with this syndrome exhibit a series of social behaviors, ideologies and traits that are considered immature. In most cases, they may struggle with commitment, maintaining employment, doing chores, keeping up with responsibilities and having purposeful direction in their lives. Although it’s more common in cisgender men and people assigned male at birth (AMAB), anyone of any sex or gender can develop the behaviors associated with the syndrome.

这一症状患者会表现出一系列被视为不成熟的社交行为、意识形态和特征。大多情形下，他们可能很难专一投入、很难维系一份工作，不会做家务，不承担个人责任，人生无富有意义的方向目标。尽管这在顺性别（天生拥有该性别生理特征，与跨性别相对）男性和AMAB（出生指派性别为男性）的群体中更为常见，但任何性别群体中都可能会发展出与这种综合症相关的行为。

“Much like Peter Pan, these individuals experience a failure to launch or a refusal to grow up,” says Natacha Duke, Registered psychotherapist. “There’s sort of an egocentric nature to them and they continuously avoid responsibility and commitment and don’t take on those adult responsibilities that most people do.”

“与彼得潘很相似，这些人会无法正常迈入社会（Failure to Launch“无法启动”综合症，指一些年轻人不愿或无能力承担成人责任或进入成人角色）或拒绝长大”，注册心理咨询师 Natacha Duke表示，“他们有种自我中心的本性，而且他们会一直回避责任和努力，而且不会像大多数人一样承担成人责任。”

Wendy syndrome
温迪综合症

Because of their inability to take on adult tasks, people with PPS will often seek out others who have what’s called Wendy syndrome. Named after Barrie’s fictional character Wendy Darling, who was created in 1904 as Peter Pan’s friend, Wendy syndrome also isn’t an official diagnosis, but a popular psychology term used to describe an adult who is empathetic, nurturing and even self-sacrificing. Although more common in cisgender women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB), anyone of any sex or gender can exhibit these behaviors.

由于无法承担成人任务，PPS患者通常会寻找”温迪综合症“患者。这一名称源自彼得潘的朋友Wendy Darling。温迪综合症同样也并非正式诊断结果，而只是一个常用的心理学术语，用来指代具有同理心，照顾别人，甚至自我牺牲的人。尽管这一综合症常见于顺性别女性和AFAB（出生指派性别女性）群体，但任何性别群体都会发展出与其相关行为。

“People who have PPS tend to gravitate toward people who have Wendy syndrome, people who are highly nurturing and want to be of service to others,” says Duke.

“PPS患者通常会被很擅长体贴照顾他人，想要服务他人的温迪综合症患者吸引。” Duke说到。

“In the beginning, it’s a match made in heaven. You have someone with PPS who’s really fun and charismatic that draws this other person in, and the person who has Wendy syndrome is able to be there for them, support them and offer suggestions to try to better them. But the problem is that it eventually backfires, and the person with Wendy syndrome inevitably starts to feel taken advantage of.”

“在最初，这当然是天作之合。一方是既有趣又富有魄力的PPS患者，另一方被吸引的则是能够支持他们，照顾他们，提供建议提升他们的温迪综合症患者。但问题是，这通常会适得其反，温迪综合症患者不可避免地会感到被利用。”

With the Peter Pan and Wendy syndromes, the relationship ultimately falls apart when both people are at odds with each other’s behaviors.

彼得潘综合症和温迪综合症患者之间的感情，当两人对彼此行为有意见时，这段感情最终将会崩塌。

“People with Wendy syndrome tend to experience emotional burnout because they’re constantly feeling like they’re giving and giving and not getting anything in return,” notes Duke. “At the same time, people with PPS may feel that their partner is controlling, trying to change them or smothering them.”

“温迪综合症患者通常会有一种情绪上的倦怠感，因为他们不断感到自己在付出，但却毫无回报，”Duke说到，“同时，彼得潘综合症患者可能会感到对方控制欲强，总是试图要改变自己或让自己透不过气。”

As people with PPS have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries, they’ll often jump from one person or relationship to the next in search of people who enable their behaviors and support them in all the ways they have difficulty supporting themselves.

PPS患者通常难以维持健康界限，他们通常会从一个人或一段感情跳到另一个人身边或另一段感情中，去寻找能够纵容他们行为，以他们自身无法企及的方式为他们提供支持的人。

“What happens is that in the end, there’s never really any learning happening on either side,” says Duke.

“而最后，双方实际上彼此都从未学到任何东西，”Duke说。

Is Peter Pan syndrome real?
彼得潘综合症真实存在吗？

Although Peter Pan syndrome isn’t a diagnosable condition, it has quite a bit of overlap with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While people with NPD exhibit a similar pattern of selfishness as people who have PPS, they also tend to hold a much higher degree of self-importance and entitlement.

尽管彼得潘综合症（PPS）并非一种可诊断的病症，但却与自恋人格障碍（NPD）有很多重叠之处。NPD患者表现出同样类型的自私，而PPS患者往往还会有着远远更高程度的自以为是和特权感。

“With NPD, the person is not just egocentric but there’s a greater sense of manipulation,” clarifies Duke. “Someone with NPD tends to be very sensitive to criticism and can turn to rage in a flash.”

“NPD患者不仅只是自我为中心，而且还有更强的操纵意识，” Duke解释说，“NPD患者还往往对批评非常敏感，而且这种敏感会在一瞬间转变为愤怒。”

People with PPS may not be so quick to anger or revenge, but they do tend to be avoidant when it comes to conflict resolution and are more apt to rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms.

PPS患者可能并不会如此快速愤怒或报复，但在需要解决冲突时，他们往往会选择逃避，而且更易于采用不健康的应对机制。

“There’s this tendency to want to escape and avoid commitment,” says Duke.

“这里就看到了他们的倾向：他们倾向于逃避，倾向于躲避专一。”Duke说。

The Cause Of Peter Pan Syndrome
彼得潘综合症起因

It's hard to tell what exactly causes someone to want to avoid responsibilities on this great scale, but there are a few theories.

很难确切说有哪些原因导致了一些人如此严重逃避责任，但在这方面的确有一些理论。

A Spoiled Childhood.
被宠溺的童年

You may know someone whose parents rarely said "no." They may have seldom disciplined their child or taught them life skills, and when they became adults, their parents may have still coddled them. While children should have a childhood to call their own, being raised without any boundaries or responsibilities can lead to not wanting to take responsibility. The sudden shift from having everything done for you to have to work and pay bills can be jarring for many people. They were not gradually introduced to adult concepts, and avoidance – coupled with enabling from others – kept them from transitioning into functioning adults.

你可能知道这么一个父母对其几乎百依百顺的人。其父母可能几乎从未教过孩子规矩，也从未教过孩子生活技能。当这个孩子成年后，其父母可能依旧宠你他。虽然说孩子应该有自己的童年，但是如果不设立界限或责任，那么就会导致孩子不想承担责任。从一切都被安排好，到需要自己工作和支付账单，这种天翻地覆的变化对很多人而言都是可怖的。他们并没有被逐步教导一些成人概念，他们的回避，辅以其他人的纵容，则会让他们无法逐渐过渡演变为正常的成年人。

An Abusive Childhood.
虐待型童年

On the other end of the spectrum, someone who was abused as a child may feel like they need to "catch up" on their childhood once they became an adult. They're away from their parents and have more control over their life, so they may regress into a child to feel safe. Perhaps the most famous example is the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. He lived through an abusive childhood and was pushed to be a star. As he grew up, he wanted to regress into the role of a child. He named his estate the Neverland Ranch, and it wasn't unheard of for him to dress up as Peter Pan.

而这一谱段的另一端，则是童年时曾遭受虐待之人。他们可能觉得自己在成年后，需要弥补自己的童年。他们远离了父母，而且对自己生活有更多控制权，因此他们可能会退行至童年角色，以此来给自己一种安全感。可能最著名的例子就是摇滚天王迈克尔·杰克逊了。他童年时饱受虐待，被逼迫成为明星。长大之后，他想要重新退行到孩子角色，他将自己的宅邸命名为永无乡牧场，（永无乡是彼得潘居住的海岛名称），而且据说他也曾装扮成彼得潘的样子。

Yearning For Nostalgia.
怀旧

Feeling nostalgic for your childhood is a phenomenon experienced by many people, not just those who have Peter Pan Syndrome. There is something comforting in remembering and wanting things from when you were growing up. However, someone with Peter Pan Syndrome can become obsessed with this feeling and recreate it. They may promote shows, music, and games from that era, and many discuss how society has changed for the worse. It's okay to be nostalgic, but when you're looking back too much on the past and view the present as somehow lesser or negative, you may not see what's ahead or fear embracing the changes in the world and in yourself.

很多人都曾怀念童年，并不仅仅只是PPS患者们。回忆并渴望再次得到童年时期的一些东西，这会给人一种抚慰感。但彼得潘综合症患者却会执迷于这种感受，而且会将其重现。他们可能会强烈安利那个时代的节目，音乐和游戏，而且很多人还会谈论社会如何世风日下。怀旧并无不妥，但当你过于沉溺往昔，对当下只是失望不满，那么你可能就无法看到未来，或害怕拥抱世界和自身所发生的变化。

Economic Distress.
经济困境

In recent years, jobs and their paychecks seem to be taking their toll on some. Many workers are faced with long hours, little pay, and greater difficulty with reaching and progressing toward life goals due to these factors. If one cannot progress, one may instead regress. They may feel they need an escape from their lives and their realities. Escapism can be a good thing from time to time, but when you're not taking on any responsibilities, it can become a huge problem.

近年来，一些人似乎备受职场和薪酬之困。很多职员面临着工作时间过长，低薪酬等问题，而且这些因素又导致他们难以向前迈进实现个人人生目标。如果一个人无法前进，那么可能就会退行。那么你可能会觉得自己需要逃离自己生活和现实。逃离主义有时会有益，但当你不承担任何责任时，就会成为一个巨大的问题了。

Adult Skills Not Being Taught.
未被教导成人技能。

You may have heard the term "adulting" before. This is a term used to describe basic adult skills and adult trials. Examples include making your own doctor's appointment, doing your taxes, and paying your bills. The term is mostly used ironically, but some people are serious about it. In today's world, it's easy to see why. Many schools don't teach adult skills and how to become a productive part of society. Because people feel ill-equipped to be adults, some may choose instead to not take on adult responsibilities.

你可能听过“Adulting”这个词。它是指基本的成人技能和尝试成人角色。比如：自己预约医生，自己报税，自己支付自己的账单。这个词通常是做反语使用，但一些人也对其很重视。在当今世界，很容易明白为什么。很多学校并不教成人技能，以及如何成为社会有用的一员。因为觉得自身能力并不足以应付成年角色，因此一些人可能就会选择逃避这些成年责任。

Other contributing factors may include childhood trauma. And while the road to Peter Pan syndrome may look different for everyone, social pressures and online acceptance of youthful behavior, freedom and adventure often play supportive roles in developing such behaviors.

其他一些因素可能还包括童年创伤。尽管彼得潘综合症起因因人而异，社会压力，网络上对青少年般行为，自由和冒险行为的认可度等，通常都会助长彼得潘综合症相关行为的形成 。

Peter Pan syndrome warning signs and symptoms
彼得潘综合症警示迹象与症状

Regardless of the potential contributing factors for developing this syndrome, at the core of these behavioral patterns exists a difficulty with distress tolerance or the ability to tolerate uncomfortable feelings.

尽管存在各种潜在的助长因素，但这些行为模式的核心却是难以忍受痛苦，无法忍受不适感受。

“These uncomfortable feelings can be associated with anxiety, sadness, loneliness or even when we’re being criticized,” states Duke. “For people with Peter Pan syndrome, their distress tolerance is very low, which leads them to avoid certain situations because there’s this tendency to not be able to hold onto or tolerate these more difficult feelings.”

“这些不适感受可能与焦虑，悲伤，孤独或甚至被批评相关，” Duke说，“彼得潘综合症患者的痛苦耐受度非常低，这就导致他们会因为无法忍受一些较难处理的感受，而回避某些特定情形。”

Symptoms Of Peter Pan Syndrome
彼得潘综合症症状

As this is not a clinically classified syndrome, there is no official list of symptoms to identify individuals who have this condition. Below are a few symptoms and their explanations.

由于这并非正式医疗病症，因此并没有正式的诊断症状对照表。以下是该综合症的一些症状以及相关说明。

Lack Of Career Interest.
对工作无兴趣

Many jobs are not fun. It’s understandable why a person would not be interested in having a career if they do not enjoy their job or see others struggling with work fulfillment. However, it’s a part of life. Someone with Peter Pan Syndrome may be unmotivated to get a job. When they do have a job, they may slack off, put little effort into advancing their careers, or continually get fired from different jobs. Or they may have a part-time job and refuse to work full-time; without having to work full-time, they can still participate in escapism.

很多工作都并不有趣，而且如果看到有人因为不喜欢自己工作或因为看到其他人很难在工作中获得圆满感，从而对职业不感兴趣，这完全可以让人理解。但这是生活的一部分。彼得潘综合症患者可能完全没有找工作的主动性。当他们的确找到一份工作时，他们通常会懈怠，毫无上进心，或不断在不同工作中被开除。或者他们可能选择兼职而非全职。不需要全职工作，他们就依旧可以践行“逃离主义”。

Not Being Able To Handle Situations.
无法应对棘手情形

As adults, we face stressful situations that we must learn how to handle. However, a person with Peter Pan Syndrome may find it hard to deal with these situations. Instead, they may scream and throw an adult tantrum, or they may yell to resolve problems instead of having a proper conversation, or they may simply avoid the problem altogether. Most people have an occasional breakdown, so just because someone did this once doesn't mean they have Peter Pan Syndrome.

作为成年人，我们会面对一些我们必须学会如何应对的高压力情形。但彼得潘综合症患者可能发现自己很难应对这些情形。相反，他们可能试图以大喊大叫，大发脾气或怒吼他人的方式来解决问题，而不是通过正当对话的方式。他们可能还会选择干脆回避整个问题。大多数人都偶尔会崩溃，只是因为一个人这样做过一次，并不意味着他就患有彼得潘综合症。

Trouble With Commitment.
难以专一投入

Someone with Peter Pan Syndrome may be interested in relationships or sex, but not for long. They may get into casual relationships or promise that they'll be committed, then break up with their partner after a short period. While there are plenty of reasons why people may not want to be in a committed relationship, it can also sometimes be a symptom of Peter Pan Syndrome.

彼得潘综合症患者可能会对恋情或性爱感兴趣，但却不会持久。他们可能会随便就开始一段感情，并许诺会专一，但很快就会与对方分手。尽管人们有很多理由不进入一段专一稳定的感情，但有时这也可能就是彼得潘综合症的症状之一。

Drug And Alcohol Abuse.
吸毒和酗酒

Alcoholism is not uncommon for adults who have Peter Pan Syndrome. They want an escape, and alcohol or drugs provide it. During a person's teens and early adulthood, many people may party, drink a lot, and experiment with drugs. However, if this is still regularly happening far into adulthood, then the person may have an addiction or doesn't want to take on adult responsibilities.

彼得潘综合症患者中不乏酗酒者。他们想要逃离，酒精和毒品就为他们提供了一种逃脱感。在一个人的青少年和刚成年时期，很多人可能会参加派对，大量饮酒，尝试毒品，但在进入成年阶段很久之后如果依旧经常发生，那么这个人可能就已经成瘾，或者并不想承担成人责任。

Unreliable.
不可靠，不可信赖。

Someone with Peter Pan Syndrome is often unreliable. They may promise to do something for you, and when the time comes, they're nowhere to be found. If they make plans to do something with someone, they may bail on those plans often. They may make an underwhelming excuse or be someone who doesn't bring it up at all. Look for this to be a constant pattern in a person's life.

彼得潘综合症患者通常并不可靠。他们可能会做出许诺，但当需要兑现时，他们就会消失得无影无踪。如果他们计划和某人一起做某事，他们可能经常会反悔。他们可能会找一个蹩脚的借口，或对该事绝口不提。注意这是否是一个人的常见行为模式。

It's Everyone Else's Fault.
都是其他人的错。

Taking responsibility is a difficult thing for many people to do, but someone with Peter Pan Syndrome may rarely or never take responsibility for their actions or mistakes. Instead, it's typically another person's fault, even if all the evidence points to the person with Peter Pan Syndrome.

对很多人而言，承担责任都并非易事，但彼得潘综合症患者却几乎很少或从不为自己的行为或错误承担责任。相反，他们通常会说是其他人的错，尽管所有证据都表明是他自身的错。

Doesn't Want To Improve.
不想提升自我。

Finally, someone with Peter Pan Syndrome usually doesn't want to improve themselves. They may never self-correct or want to grow as a person. Instead, they may want to remain as carefree as possible with as few responsibilities for the foreseeable future.

最后，彼得潘综合症患者通常不想自我提升。他们可能从未自我矫正，从未想要成长为更好的人。他们只是想要在可预见的未来内，尽可能摆脱责任牵绊，尽可能无忧无虑。

These are just a few examples. Some adults may have a few symptoms or tendencies but may not be full-blown Peter Pan. As this isn't a recognized syndrome, it's a bit subjective. However, if they exhibit these symptoms to an extreme degree, they may be experiencing this condition.

以上只是寥寥几例而已。一些成年人可能具有一些症状或倾向，但可能并非完全就患有彼得潘综合症。由于这并非公认病症，因此有些主观。但如果他们所表现出的这些症状已经到了极端程度，那么可能就患有这一综合症。

Signs in a relationship
感情中的迹象

In the earliest stages of a relationship, people with PPS may attract a lot of attention because of their charisma, sense of adventure and fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants mentality. They’re fun to be around and fun to explore new activities with, and their childlike nature is almost endearing.

在一段感情最早阶段，PPS患者通常会因为自身魄力，冒险精神和随性思维而备受关注。与他们相处或一起探索新活动都很有趣，他们孩子一般的本性也很招人喜爱。

On the surface, it may feel natural to help them when they’re in a bind or support them when they inevitably fall into a rough spot with work, family or other adult responsibilities. Often, someone with this syndrome may ask for help with such things because of a low level of distress tolerance — and if someone enables that behavior by taking ownership of those responsibilities, a codependent relationship is often the outcome.

表面上，当他们处于困境时，你可能就感觉自然而然要帮助他们；当他们在工作，家庭或其他成人责任方面遇到问题时，也很自然想要为他们提供支持。通常，彼得潘综合症患者在上述问题方面寻求帮助，是因为他们对痛苦的耐受度很低——如果有人帮他们承担这些责任，从而纵容对方这种行为，那么通常就会导致病态共同依赖型感情模式。

“But what typically happens over time in these relationships is that the person supporting the individual with PPS gets to a point where they say, ‘Enough is enough,’” says Duke. “The person with PPS has too much reliance on their partner to handle difficult tasks like writing a resume, paying a bill or looking for a job. That can get old for the supporting partner really quickly.”

“在这类感情关系中，通常随着时间推移，一直在帮助PPS患者的那一方会逐渐觉得：够了！” Duke说，“患有PPS的那一方在面对困难任务时往往过于依赖另一方，比如写简历，支付账单或找工作等。一直扮演支持角色的那一方很快就会厌倦。”

When conflicts arise or the person who has PPS is confronted about their lack of maturity, even having a healthy, productive conversation may prove to be difficult.

在这种感情中，当产生冲突或另一方直截了当质问PPS患者为何如此不成熟时，他们即使只是想要一段健康，有建设性的对话，也是很难实现的。

“There’s a lot of blaming other people for their shortcomings or their behaviors and a lack of personal insight,” explains Duke. “Without being able to tolerate distress, it’s really hard to hear any criticism and therefore it becomes really difficult to have mature conflict resolution.”

“PPS患者会习惯将个人缺点或个人行为归咎于对方，并且缺乏内省能力。” Duke解释说，“由于无法忍受痛苦感受，他们往往听不得批评，因此和他们很难以成熟的方式解决冲突。”

Because of this, you may see someone with PPS jumping from one relationship to the next in a very short-lived amount of time. Ghosting a relationship is also a common practice for people with PPS.

鉴于此，你可能会看到一些PPS患者在很短时间内不断从一段感情跳入另一段感情。玩消失，也是PPS患者在结束感情时的一种常见行为。

Signs at work
职场中的迹象

Because there tends to be a lack of commitment, people with PPS may often have problems with employment and difficulty handling authority. Even starting the application process may prove to be difficult, but if they do find employment and they’re faced with conflict, they may abandon ship and run to the next job they can find without taking accountability for their actions.

由于PPS患者往往缺乏专一性，他们通常存在就业问题，或难以应对权威。甚至开始申请工作对他们来说都存在困难，但如果他们找到了工作但面临冲突时，他们可能就会撂挑子不干，迅速找下家，并且对个人行为不承担任何责任。

“Part of being an adult is accepting that there are things in life that are very mundane. You have to sometimes go to work when you don’t feel like it,” says Duke. “People who have this syndrome don’t accept that.”

“作为成年人，需要接受生活中一些事情就是非常无聊这一事实。有时虽然你并不想，但也必须要去工作，” Duke说。但彼得潘综合症患者并不接受这一点。

How to overcome Peter Pan syndrome
如何克服彼得潘综合症

You can’t remain childlike and exist in goblin mode forever — at least not if it’s causing serious problems in your relationships or your overall ability to function. Like most things related to psychology, the characteristics of Peter Pan syndrome exist on a spectrum, and what’s problematic for some may not be problematic for others.

你不能一直保持儿童状态，一直生活于小精灵模式中，至少当这样会给你的感情和整体机能造成严重问题时，你不能这样。同很多与心理学相关的概念相同，彼得潘综合症的各种特征也存在在一个谱段上。一些对某些人存在问题的特征对其它一些人可能就并无大碍。

“Sometimes, these types of behaviors are non-problems if they don’t affect someone’s life or functioning in at least one significant area,” notes Duke. “With Peter Pan syndrome, often someone else is bringing you to therapy or encouraging you to go to therapy because there is a lack of personal insight into what’s really happening.”

“有时，如果这类行为并没有在任何关键领域影响到别人的生活或正常机能，那么它们就并无问题。” Duke说，“对于彼得潘综合症患者而言，通常是别人带他们去接受心理咨询或鼓励他们接受心理咨询，因为他们自身通常缺乏自省能力，无法认识到事实。”

When a loved one has Peter Pan syndrome
当你爱的人患有彼得潘综合症

Broaching the topic and pointing out the issues associated with this syndrome can be difficult.

According to Duke, “In general, people are very defensive because there is a lack of insight into the difficulty that surrounds their behaviors.”

提起这一话题并指出与这一症状相关问题，可能会很困难。

And while you can’t force someone to get involved in therapy, you can set your own personal boundaries to protect yourself and hold the other person accountable when things don’t go well. Stop enabling the person. Do not give them handouts or support unless they support you back. Healthy relationships are reciprocal, not one-sided.

尽管你无法强迫一个人参加心理咨询，但你可以为自己设定个人界限，保护自己，并在对方侵犯你的个人界限时让对方承担后果。不要继续纵容对方。不要继续再救济或支持对方，除非对方也对你提供支持。健康的感情关系是相互付出，而非单方面付出的。

“If there’s a behavior the person is exhibiting and you’re uncomfortable with it, or they keep lashing out at you or they’re treating you disrespectfully, the best thing you can do is to start by labeling that behavior as ‘not OK’ because of your own self-respecting boundaries, and then second, to encourage therapy,” advises Duke.

“如果对方表现出某种让你感到不适的行为，或对方不断向你发脾气，或他们对你不尊重，你的最佳做法是，首先告诉对方这些行为‘不可以’，因为他们侵犯了你出于自我尊重而设立的健康个人界限。第二步，鼓励对方接受心理治疗。” Duke说。

“If a person doesn’t want to go to therapy and doesn’t want to make any changes, then you need to determine what your own barometer for that behavior is and what you are and are not OK with accepting.”

“如果一个人不想接受心理治疗，也不想做出任何改变，那么你需要判断自己对其行为的接受尺度，以及你可以接受什么，不可以接受什么。”

Suggesting individual, family or couples therapy could be a beneficial start for all involved because it will help shed light on how their accumulated life experiences have gotten them to this point and how some of the behaviors they exhibit are not serving them well.

一开始，可以建议个人/家庭/夫妻心理咨询，这对所有相关者都有益，因为这有助于让他们看到一直以来的生活经历是如何让他们走到这一步，以及他们所表现出的一些行为是如何给他们带来损害的。

“For therapy to work, they need to be willing to recognize and discuss what changes they want for their life and the cost of continuing if they do not make these changes,” she adds.

“想要心理咨询奏效，患者必须愿意认可并讨论他们想要做出的改变，以及如果不做这些改变，他们所必须付出的代价”

When you have Peter Pan syndrome
当你自己患有彼得潘综合症

Since Peter Pan Syndrome is not a clinically recognized medical diagnosis, there is no “official” treatment, but some types of therapy – including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) – have been shown to help.

由于这一综合症并非正式医学诊断，因此并没有正式疗法。但一些心理咨询类型——包括意识行为疗法（CBT）和辩证行为疗法（DBT）——都被证明有效。

CBT helps patients learn to think differently about situations, whereas DBT is a form of CBT designed especially for those individuals with more extreme emotions. CBT is probably the most widely used form of psychotherapy because it works well for a variety of mental health conditions, including people experiencing Peter Pan Syndrome. DBT has been shown to help patients reduce substance abuse, increase confidence, and better deal with their emotions, among other things.

CBT可以帮助患者学会以不同方式思考具体情形，而DBT则是CBT中一种专门针对情绪更极端患者的咨询方式。CBT可能是应用最广泛的心理咨询形式了，因为它在各种各样精神疾病中都卓有成效，其中就包括彼得潘综合症患者。DBT也被表明可以帮助患者减少物质滥用，增加自信，更好地应对个人情绪等。