Teenage Angst | 青春期焦虑
If you’re the parent of a teen, chances are you have had plenty of occasions to feel frustrated, confused and worried about how s/he is behaving. That is just how parenting teens goes – as they struggle, we do too.
如果你有一个十几岁的孩子，那么可能很多时候你都会感到挫败，疑惑和担忧。这是养育青春期孩子的正常现象——当他们在痛苦挣扎时，我们也同样如此。
The pandemic of COVID-19 has brought myriad parental challenges from distance learning to social isolation. Pandemic parenting has allowed many of us to see first hand more of what our teen’s life is, leaving us even more confused about what’s a normal reaction to a challenging time, and what’s not.
新冠疫情为父母带来了各种各样挑战，从网课到社交隔离等。疫情期间也让我们很多人对自己青春期孩子的生活有了更多的亲身体会，但同时也让我们更加困惑，不知道对这一棘手时期，哪些反应正常，哪些属于不正常范畴。
Teenage angst is the feeling of being overwhelmed, anxious, rejected, or even unwanted. Teens can feel better by understanding what is common, and what are greater concerns than the average teenage development.
青春期焦虑是一种感到无力应付、焦虑、被拒绝甚至被嫌弃的感受。如果青少年们理解哪些是正常现象，哪些远非青少年发育过程中普遍现象，应该引起重视，这会有助于改善他们的感受。
What is Teenage/Teen Angst
什么是青春期焦虑
Angst is a concept derived from existential anxiety referring to anxiety about one’s existence. Teenage angst involves frustration, rebellion, attitude and an overall irritable outlook on life. The teenage years are a period in your child’s life when they move beyond innocent childhood and start to test limits and boundaries as they approach adulthood. Teenage angst can happen as a result of disappointment in being told no when limits and boundaries are denied. Teenagers crave independence and freedom without the true ability to understand or predict all of the responsibilities that get factored in, as brain development is not fully complete until 24 years of age.
Angst（焦虑）是一个源于存在焦虑的概念，存在焦虑是指一个人关于自身存在而产生的焦虑。青春期焦虑包含挫败感、叛逆、不配合和整体上对生活持易怒暴躁态度。青少年时期，孩子离开单纯童年时期，随着接近成年，开始不断测试限度和界限。当被拒绝时，他们会感到失望，然后就可能会让他们感到青春期焦虑。青少年们渴望独立和自由，但却尚无真正能力去理解或预测所涉及到的所有责任，因为大脑直到24岁才会完成发育。
What Causes Teen Angst
青春期焦虑的起因
Teens experience angst for many different reasons.
青少年焦虑的产生有多种不同原因。
Some of these changes are obvious because they affect the size and shape of our teen’s bodies and voices. The fact that our teens struggle at times with these changes is easy to understand because we can see the changes too. Their bodies develop quickly, their voices change, and their skin often becomes an intense focus as their hormones drag their young bodies to adulthood.
一些变化很明显，它们发生于孩子的身体和声音。这些变化有时会让孩子觉得难以应对，因为我们也能看到这些变化，所以我们能很容易理解。随着荷尔蒙将他们的身体拽入成年时期，他们的身体飞速发育，他们声音发生变化，他们通常会对自己的皮肤密切关注。
Other changes are happening internally. Teenagers’ brains go through tremendous growth and rewiring, a phase of growth second only to infancy. As the teen brain neurologically “updates,” the “lower” more emotional regions update before the “higher” more cognitive ones.
但在他们身体内部，也在发生着其他变化。这一时期，青少年的大脑进入仅亚于婴儿时期的飞速发育和重塑期。随着青少年大脑神经系统的升级，较低级的情绪区域的升级要早于较高级的认知区域。
Because of this linear brain development, teens are exposed to intense and mature emotions without the benefit of a fully mature thinking brain. The part of the brain that manages insight, judgment and behavioral control (the prefrontal cortex) will take many more years to fully update.
由于大脑的这种线性发育过程，青少年需要面对强烈和成熟的情绪，但大脑思考能力却尚未完全成熟。负责管理洞察力、判断力和行为控制（前额叶皮层）的大脑区域还需要很多年才能完全升级。
There may also be situational causes of teen angst, like lack of sleep. With all the brain development going on during this time, teens need adequate sleep. NIMH recommends teens get about 9-10 hours of sleep a night. With proper care and support they’ll be a successful adult in no time. Teenagers face a lot of changes throughout this time, from the change of schools, friendships, and even their interests. They begin to find themselves thinking more and more about the future, which can bring on feelings of anxiety and uncertainty.
另外还有一些客观原因，如睡眠不足。这段时期大脑飞速发育，因此青少年需要充足睡眠。美国国家心理健康研究所建议青少年睡眠时间每晚应在9-10个小时。如果得到充分的照顾和支持，他们很快就会成为一个成功的成年人。在这一时期，青少年面临很多挑战，从学校的变化，到友情的变化，甚至自身兴趣爱好也会发生变化。他们开始发现自己开始更多地思考未来，这可能也会带来焦虑感和不确定感。
Teens feelings therefore are intense, driving powerful creativity and motivation, but also frustration and overwhelm. These emotional changes can be scary for teens, and are fundamental to how we understand what is teenage angst.
因此，青少年的感受是非常强烈的，从而会催生强大的创造力和驱动力，但同时也会带来挫败感和力不从心感。这种情绪上的变化对青少年来说会是很可怕的，而且也是我们理解青少年焦虑的基础所在。
Angst can span a gamut from normal insecurity to more acute feelings of anxiety or apprehension that can be accompanied by depression. It can also be a frustrating, painful and frightening challenge for parents as well, as we can struggle to understand what is teenage angst, and what is something more serious.
从正常不安全感，到可能伴随着抑郁感的强烈焦虑感或担忧，青春期焦虑涵盖范围很广。这对父母而言，也可能会是一种令人沮丧、痛苦和可怕的挑战，因为我们可能很难辨别青春期焦虑和更严重问题。
Clarifying the range from normal to more serious can help parents feel more confident navigating this complicated developmental stage.
明确了解从正常现象到更严重问题之间的范畴，这有助于让父母更自信地应对这段复杂的发育阶段。
What Is “Normal” Teen Angst & What’s a Problem
什么是“正常”的青少年焦虑&什么时候需要引起担忧
You know your child best, and witnessing your child’s attitude and behavior change, perhaps seemingly overnight, may come as a shock. While “normal” is subjective and questionable, there are common characteristics and signs of teenage angst. When these behaviors start to become extreme and disruptive and interfere with daily life, is when it starts to become more of a cause for concern, and grounds to seek professional help and support.
你最了解你的孩子，目睹孩子的态度和行为变化，而且甚至可能看起来仿佛一夜之间就发生变化，这可能会让人惊愕不已。尽管“正常”这个词是主观且并不可靠的，但青少年焦虑的确存在一些普遍的特点和迹象。而当这些行为开始变得极端、破坏干扰日常生活时，这就需要引起担忧，或寻求专业帮助或支持。
Here are some of the more common and “normal” signs of teen angst:
以下是青春期焦虑的一些较为普遍和“正常”的迹象：
Changes in interests (such as music, hobbies, activities)
兴趣（如音乐、爱好、活动）发生变化
Changes in friend groups
交友圈发生变化
Changes in clothing style
穿衣风格发生变化
Changes in sleeping patterns
睡眠模式发生变化
Changes in mood
情绪变化
Changes in academic performance
学习成绩发生变化
Being more secretive or dismissive of information
不愿吐露信息，或对信息不屑一顾。
Increase in rebellious behavior and rule-breaking
叛逆行为或不遵守规则行为增多
However, if these behaviors continue or become extreme, it can be a sign of more serious mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and/or self-harm and suicidality, and may require professional help.
但如果这些行为继续存在或变得极端，可能意味着存在一些更严重的精神健康问题，如抑郁、焦虑和/或自我伤害或自杀倾向，而且可能需要专业人士帮助。
Signs That It’s More Than Teenage Angst
比青春期焦虑更严重问题的迹象
If angsty behaviors continue or worsen, you may need to watch for signs of depression, anxiety, or potential for self-harm behavior. Signs may include extreme sensitivity, difficulty concentrating, poor personal hygiene, or avoidance behaviors. There is a lot of overlap in emotional and behavioral changes that occur in a teen experiencing depression, anxiety, self-harm and/or suicidality. Keep in mind they don’t have to experience all of these changes in order for your teen to receive help from a professional.
如果青春期焦虑行为持续存在或恶化，你可能需要留意是否有抑郁症、焦虑或自我伤害行为的迹象。这些迹象可能包括：极端敏感、难以集中注意力，不注意个人卫生，或回避行为。对于有抑郁、焦虑、自我伤害和/或自杀倾向的青少年，不同潜在严重问题所导致的情绪和行为上的变化在一些方面是重叠的。
Potential Signs of Depression
潜在的抑郁症状
Emotional changes such as:
情绪变化示例：
• Crying for no reason
无缘无故哭泣
• Feeling worthless or guilty
感到自己毫无价值或内疚
• Difficulty thinking, concentrating, and remembering things
难以思考/集中精力或记忆里变差
• Irritability and quick to become frustrated or overwhelmed
易怒，很容易就感到挫败或无力招架
• Extreme sensitivity to rejection or need to receive frequent reassurance
对拒绝极度敏感，或需要不断频繁寻求肯定
• Grim and bleak perspective on life
感觉人生前景一片灰暗
Behavioral changes such as:
行为变化示例：
• Changes in sleep patterns, either insomnia or sleeping too much,
睡眠模式发生变化，或是失眠或是睡眠过多
• Marked restlessness and inability to sit still,
很明显无法安静下来，无法安静坐着。
• Changes in appetite, either resulting in weight loss or weight gain
胃口变化，从而导致体重降低或体重增加
• Use of alcohol and/or drugs,
开始饮酒和/或使用毒品
• Noticeable decrease in school performance and enthusiasm,
学习成绩和学习热情明显下降
• Social isolation from both friends and family,
对朋友和家人开始自我隔绝
• Less care of physical hygiene and appearance
对个人卫生和外貌不再那么在意
Potential Signs of Anxiety
潜在的焦虑迹象
Emotional changes such as:
情绪变化示例：
• Fear of being away from parents
害怕离开父母
• Extreme fear about specific things or situations
对特定事物和情形极端恐惧
• Frequent worry and fear about the future
频繁为未来感到担忧和恐惧
• Hyperfixation of their appearance
过度关注自己外貌
• Verbalizing frequently concern that something bad is going to happen
经常说可能会发生不好的事
• Sudden, intense and unexpected fear that often result in physical symptoms
突如其来的强烈恐惧感，且这种恐惧感通常会导致一些生理症状的出现。
Behavioral changes such as:
行为变化示例：
• Sleep problems
睡眠问题
• Chronic complaints of stomach aches or headaches
经常抱怨胃痛或头痛
• Fatigue
感到疲劳
• Avoidance of activities
回避各种活动
• School avoidance and/or refusal
回避和/或拒绝去学校
• Drastic changes in routines
日常生活习惯发生剧烈变化
Potential Signs of Self-Harm & Suicidality
自我伤害&自杀倾向的潜在迹象：
Emotional changes such as:
情绪变化示例：
• Verbalizing feeling trapped or hopeless, either in general or about a specific situation
说感到被困住或无望，这或是在谈论整体感受，或是在谈论某一具体情形
• Frequent mood swings
情绪频繁波动
• Extreme sensitivity to feedback or rejection
对反馈和拒绝极端敏感
• Changes in appetite
胃口变化
• Decrease in motivation or interests
主动性和兴趣降低
Behavioral changes such as:
行为变化示例：
• Social isolation from peers and family
对家人朋友开始自我隔绝
• Talking or writing about suicide – such as making statements like “I won’t be around much longer”
在言语和文字中会谈到自杀，比如会说/写“我很快就会不在了”
• Increase in use of alcohol and/or drugs
饮酒量和/或使用毒品量增加
• Wearing long sleeves, hoodies, pants, etc. in warmer climates to hide physical signs of self-harm (cutting, burning, picking, etc.)
在温度较高天气穿长袖衣服，带帽卫衣，长裤等，以遮住自我伤害痕迹（如割伤，烧伤，指甲抠伤等。）
• Engaging in self-destructive or risky behaviors
采取自我摧毁或危险行为等
• Giving away their possessions without any reason
毫无缘由送出自己的物品
• Sudden burst in happiness (often occurs right before a plan to die by suicide)
突然表现出很快乐（通常发生于计划自杀之前）
10 Tips for How to Help Your Angsty Teen
10条帮助建议
Before you begin jumping to conclusions and forcing your teen to open up to you, you have to take a few minutes for some self-reflection. Are you approachable and nonjudgmental? Are you offering solutions or advice without permission? Are you continuing to bring things up after your teen has asked you to stop? These are some of the more common barriers that my teenage clients share during sessions. Having open and clear communication is the first step in building trust and connection.
在你开始仓促下结论，强迫你的青春期孩子向你吐露心扉之前，你需要先花几分钟时间自我反思一下。你是否亲近随和且不会对别人妄加评判？你是否在没获得允许的情况下提供解决方案或建议？在孩子要求你停止之后你是否还继续在这些话题上喋喋不休？这些都是我在治疗的青少年患者在心理治疗过程中所讲述的较为普遍的障碍。坦诚明确的沟通是建立信任和理解的第一步。
- Make Time for Them
为他们留出时间
As the world continues to turn, and tension rises, make sure you and your teen find things to do together. Some families may be blended, or welcoming younger sibling(s). It’s normal for the attention to shift, but making a point to make time for your teen is valuable.
生活依旧在继续，压力不断增加，但确保你和你的青春期孩子找到一些可以一起做的事情。一些家庭可能是重组家庭，一些可能即将迎来弟弟妹妹，注意力转移很正常，但特地给你处于青春期的孩子留出时间，这一点极其重要。
Pro tip/专业建议：
showing genuine interest in things that they enjoy goes a long way—yes… even TikTok.
对孩子喜欢的事物发自内心流露出兴趣会带来莫大收益——是的，哪怕是抖音。
- Encourage Healthy Sleep Habits
鼓励养成健康的睡眠习惯
This one is scientifically backed, but much more difficult to practice. Helping your teen build a sleep routine will help them in the long run! Recalling all of the development that happens to the adolescent brain, overall functioning improves when we have adequate sleep.
这一点是有科学证据支持的，但却很难付诸实践。帮助孩子建立良好睡眠习惯可以让他们长期受益。想一下青春期大脑所经历的发育过程，就会知道当我们睡眠充足时，整体机能都会得到提升。
Pro tip/专业建议：
Model positive sleep habits yourself by using guided meditation for deep sleep, reading a book or drinking some calming tea. Teens already know they need more sleep, but modeling this behavior with them helps them follow through.
以身作则养成良好睡眠习惯，方法可以是在指导下进行冥想，从而获得深度睡眠，或读书，或喝一些具有镇静作用的茶。青少年本身知道他们是需要更多睡眠的，但如果你能以身作则，会帮助他们坚持这一习惯。
- Give Your Teen the Space They Need
给孩子所需的空间
It may be difficult as their parent or guardian to watch your teen struggle with their feelings, but allowing them the opportunity to problem-solve on their own will encourage them to take one more step closer to independence. As a therapist, I give teens the space that they need during sessions, helping them express their need for space with their parents, while also figuring out ways to cope with their stressors.
当看到孩子在自己感受中挣扎时，父母或其他看护人都会心里不好过，让给孩子独立解决问题的机会，会鼓励他们更进一步走向独立。作为心理医生，在治疗期间，我会给青少年患者们他们所需的空间，帮助他们向他们的父母表达对个人空间的需求，同时也会想办法应对他们的压力源。
Most of the teens I see share a similar desire of wanting space to be able to think and reflect on their own, and at times may have difficulty admitting they may need your guidance. The thing about giving your teen space is that they know they can come to you when they need to. This happens because of the trust and open communication you developed earlier.
我的大多数青少年患者都透露了想要能够让自己思考的个人空间的这一愿望，而且有时很不愿意承认他们“可能”需要你的指引。给青春期孩子个人空间，关键的一点，在于他们知道当他们需要你帮助时他们随时都可以求助于你。这一点的实现，需要你们在此之前就已建立信任和坦诚沟通氛围。
Pro tip/专业建议：
stop pushing when they say “stop” or state they don’t want to talk about it right now.
当孩子叫停或表示现在不想和你再继续讨论这一问题时，就不要再继续逼迫孩子。
- Ask Your Teen Directly How You Can Help
直接询问孩子你可以如何给予帮助
Your teen usually knows how they want to be helped, and you may be surprised by their response. Most of the time they’re not looking for a solution, per say, but rather space to be heard. Sometimes they just want a hug and to be told that their feelings will pass or are validated. Sometimes they need to drive around with you and grab a snack. It is more than okay for your teen to not know how they can be helped either.
你的青春期孩子通常知道他们需要怎样的帮助，而且他们的回答可能会令你感到惊讶。很多时候他们并不是在寻找一个解决方案，而是想要一个能够被倾听的空间。有时他们只是想要一个拥抱或有人告诉他们这些感受都是暂时的或者都是很正常的。有时他们需要和你兜兜风一起吃点东西。但如果你的孩子不知道自己想要怎样的帮助，也完全很正常。
If they’re not bringing up seeing a therapist, ask them if they think talking to someone who isn’t their parent or guardian might be helpful. Do not be afraid to be the one to begin tough conversations about mental health. If you feel it is helpful, ask your teen if they want to hear how you handled a similar situation when you were their age.
如果他们没有主动说想看心理医生，问他们是否会觉得跟父母或看护人之外的人聊一聊会对他们有帮助？不要害怕主动提起关于精神健康的棘手话题。如果你觉得这会有帮助，可以问孩子他们是否想听听你在他们年龄时是怎样应对一个类似情形的。
Pro tip/专业建议：
even if your situation may not have been handled in the best way, you can share how you wish you could’ve handled it differently knowing the things that you know now.
即使你当年对当时那一情形的处理方式并不理想，你依旧可以告诉孩子，在现在的你看来，希望当时本可以怎样处理。
- Try Journaling to Express Thoughts & Feelings
尝试用记日记的方式表达想法和感受
Your teen may already be doing this on their own, but if not, encourage them to think about using a journal to express their thoughts and feelings, a great mindfulness practice. Journaling does not look the same for everyone, and allow your teen to develop a style on their own. Offer to help them buy a journal or even self-help workbooks or journal prompt books.
你的孩子可能已经有记日记习惯了，但如果没有，可以鼓励孩子用日记来表达个人想法和感受，这也是一种非常棒的正念练习。不同的人对日记有着不同的理解，因此孩子有自己的记日记方式。主动提议帮他们购买日记本或自励书籍或日记指导书籍。
Again, a major theme is space and privacy, especially when it comes to their journals. Allow your teen the freedom to share what they’ve written or drawn, only if they choose to do so – no snooping!
再说一遍，一个重要的主题是，空间和隐私，尤其是关于他们的日记时。如果孩子愿意，可以听孩子讲他们写下或画的内容。但是，不要偷看！
Pro tip/专业建议：
It is healthy for everyone to find some sort of outlet to not bottle up emotions, and journaling is one of the best ways to do so.
找到一个发泄渠道，不让情绪闷在心里，这对任何人都是健康的，而且记日记就是其中一种最好的方式。
- Keep It Real
不遮掩实情
Teens are arriving at a point in their lives where some of their childhood fantasies and daydreams no longer feel realistic or possible. Teens are able to have a better grasp on reality and can often tell when adults in their lives are trying to hide things from them. Most of the time, adults do this to “protect” them, but trust me when I say this, your teen knows. They are no longer as naive as they once were, and the less you try to hide from them the better.
在青春期，孩子已经会觉得他们童年时期的一些幻想或遐想已经不再现实或可能。青少年能够更好地理解现实，而且当他们生活中的成年人试图向他们隐瞒时，他们通常也能够识别。大多时候，成年人之所以隐瞒，是想要“保护”他们，但相信我，你的青春期孩子什么都知道。他们已经不再是以前那个天真单纯的孩子，而且，你隐瞒的越少越好。
Of course, having boundaries is equally important and as their parent or guardian your job is not to be their best friend, but rather someone they can rely on. If something they are going through is tough, admit that, hold that space for them.
当然，建立界限也同样重要。作为他们的父母或看护人，你的职责并不是成为他们最好的朋友，而是成为他们可以依赖的人。如果他们在经历的某种情形很棘手，承认这一点，并为他们 “hold space”（这一概念是指在自己内心为别人留出一个空间，仿佛是创建一个安全的，充满爱和共情的容器或茧房，当对方和你在一起时，让对方感到能够自由对你倾诉，感到被理解，被倾听，而且你不会去带着自己看法去批判对方或给出建议）。
Pro tip/专业建议：
sugar coating and bandaids are no longer quick-fixes for heartbreak and stress relief.
裹“糖衣”或贴创可贴般的做法已经无法再对心碎和压力问题快速奏效了。
- Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
培养感恩态度
Chances are your teen is feeling down about themselves in one area of their life or another. This can be feeling insecure about their looks, their friendships, their grades, or even their relationship with their family. Take a few minutes each day to remind your teen how much they matter to you and how much they mean to you.
可能你正处于青春期的孩子正因为生活中某些方面而感到难过，可能是对外貌，友谊/成绩甚至与家人之间关系有种不安全感等。每天花几分钟时间提醒孩子他们对你有多重要，对你有多么意义重大。
Some may tolerate the “mushy-gushy” verbal praise, and others might think you’re weird. However your language is to express gratitude, take some time to show it. Do not just assume your teen knows how much you love and care about them.
一些孩子可能会容忍你的腻腻歪歪情感泛滥的话，一些可能会觉得你有病，但无论你用什么语言来表达感谢，都花时间去展示出来。不要只是假设你正处于青春期的孩子知道你多么爱他/她，多么在乎他/她。
Pro tip/专业建议：
there’s more to be proud about than just good grades in school.
让你对他们感到自豪的，并不只有好的学习成绩。
- Remember That It Isn’t Personal
別觉得是针对自己
Try your best to not take it personally during this season in parenthood. Chances are your teenager will have some “low-blows” and “painful digs” that hit home, but know that this is one of the most challenging and confusing parts of your child’s life. The way you navigate teenage angst is critical to the relationship you maintain in the future as they enter into adulthood.
在养育孩子的这一阶段，尽量不要觉得孩子都是在故意针对你。可能你的青春期孩子会有一些直击你痛处的“卑鄙招式”和“刻薄嘲讽”，但你要知道这段时间是孩子一生中最具挑战性，最让人困惑的一段时期。你应对孩子青春期焦虑的方式，对未来孩子进入成年后你和孩子的关系至关重要。
Keeping healthy boundaries and learning to let things go will be good for both you and your teen’s sanity. Taking it personally will only build resentment towards your teen.
保持健康界限，学会不计较，这对孩子和你的精神健康都有益处。对孩子的话太在意太当真，只会不断滋生你对孩子的恨意。
Pro tip/专业建议：
Give your teen and yourself the same grace by using affirmations that help you stay calm and help to maintain healthy boundaries. Try repeating phrases such as, “I know in my heart my teen loves and cares about me. I know that they are not trying to offend me.” “I choose to let go of the hurtful and painful things they have said to me and will not take it personally.”
使用可以帮助你保持镇静和维持健康界限的肯定言辞，放自己也放孩子一马。试着重复以下句子或其他类似言辞：
“我内心知道我的孩子爱我在乎我，我知道他们并不是在刻意冒犯我。”
“我选择不计较孩子对我说的那些刻薄攻击的话，而且不会觉得那是在刻意针对自己。”
- Have a YES day
指定一个“YES”日
Similar to making time for your teen, have a designated day where you say “yes” to just about anything and everything that your teen wants to do. You may be surprised at what your teen says they want to do. Allowing your teen to be in charge of what you two do together for the day can be a really fun and engaging way to gain insight into your teen’s interests and decision making.
就像你特意给孩子留出时间，你也可以特意指定一天作为“Yes” 日，在这一天中，你对孩子想要做的事情都说“Yes”。孩子说的他们想做的事情可能会出乎你的意料。这一天中，让孩子负责规划管理你们共同做的事情，这会很有趣，而且你也可以在这一有趣过程中窥见孩子的兴趣和决策能力。
Pro tip/专业建议：
There could be some limitations and ground rules for what they can and cannot ask for, such as a new piercing or getting a tattoo. You can also create a budget on how much they can spend or how far they can travel. The idea is to allow your teen to experience freedom in a safe and supportive way.
对于孩子的要求，可以规定一些限制和基本准则，比如身体穿孔或刺青等。你也可以规定预算或出门距离。中心思想是，让孩子在安全、被支持的前提下体验自由。
- Open Door & Code Words
开门政策&暗语
One of the best things you can do for your teenager is to establish an “open door policy” where your teen feels comfortable coming to you to talk about things that are troubling them. The more trust they have with you, the safer they will be in risky or dangerous situations.
父母对青春期孩子最值得建议的行为之一，就是建立“开门政策”，让孩子感到随时都可以毫无压力的来向你倾诉他们的困扰。他们对你越信任，他们在高风险或危险情形中就越安全。
You can even have a code word or phrase that your teen can use when around peers or in a situation where they feel uncomfortable. This often comes with a no-questions-asked, no lecture agreement. Your teen knowing that they aren’t going to be bombarded with questions or lectures will make them more likely to reach out and ask for help when it counts the most. Your teen will most likely open up to you about the situation that caused them to use the code word and chances are they are practicing good judgment by asking for help.
你们还可以约定一个暗语，可以是一个词也可以一句简短的话，让孩子在同伴周围或在自己觉得不舒服的情形中使用。但同时还应注意，对于孩子使用暗语，不要问问题，不要说教。如果你的孩子知道在之后不会被各种问题、说教炮轰，他们就更可能在自己最需要时主动向你寻求帮助。你的孩子很可能会主动向你讲述为什么当时会使用“暗语”而且也很可能，你会发现他们当时寻求帮助的决定是很明智的。
Pro tip/专业建议：
It may be difficult to not ask any questions or limit the lecture, but it is important in building trust and maintaining the open door environment you are trying to establish.
可能很难不去问问题或大肆说教，但对于建立信任和维系你所建立的“开门”政策氛围而言，这一点却至关重要。
Keeping communication lines open can help you and your teen maintain the communication you need to provide critical ballast during this time of transition. Despite their emerging independence, remember your teen still needs your support and love. Inside that alarmingly grown up body is still your vulnerable child and they need you.
保持沟通渠道的畅通，有助于让你和孩子之间保持充分沟通，足以为孩子这段汹涌变迁岁月提供至为关键的“压舱石”的沟通。尽管他们逐渐开始独立，但记住你的孩子依旧需要支持和爱。在他们迅猛发育的身体中，依旧是你那个脆弱的小孩，而且他们需要你。
Trust yourself to judge what is normal teen angst and what is something more serious. You know your child best, and maintaining your connection is one of the most powerful strategies you can employ to weather their angst.
相信你自己可以判断什么是正常青春期焦虑什么是更严重问题。你最了解你的孩子，维持你们之间的紧密关系，是成功应对这段焦虑岁月的最强大策略之一。