高冲突型人格中的情绪不成熟特征

Key points

High-conflict personalities and people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be emotionally immature.

高冲突人格与B类人格障碍者通常都情绪不成熟。

Recognizing the differences between emotional maturity and immaturity can help someone spot such individuals.

识别情绪成熟与不成熟之间的区别有助于让人识别出这类人。

Once recognized, steps can be taken to effectively deal with the relationships and set realistic expectations.

一旦识别后，就能够采取措施，有效应对这类人际关系，设置切合实际的期望。

As discussed in a previous article, Cluster B personality disorders—broadly conceptualized as "high-conflict personalities"—may be more common than previously thought. People with these disorders tend to be prone to engaging in "emotional dramas" due to core deficits in their personality (Lester, 2021); as a result, they often cause relational harm to those around them.

如之前一篇文章中所说，B类人格障碍——可宽泛定义为“高冲突型人格”——可能比之前所认为的要更普遍。患有这类障碍之人易于因性格中的核心缺陷而陷入“戏剧化情绪”之中。因此，他们通常会对周围之人在人际或感情关系方面造成伤害。

Since it's possible that you have people in your life that meet these criteria, it is important to be able to recognize the behaviors these individuals tend to engage in and respond to them accordingly. One frequently shared feature of these "high-conflict" personalities is emotional immaturity, a trait that can cause substantial problems in interpersonal relationships.

由于可能你生活中也有人符合这些标准，因此，能够识别出这些人的常见行为，并做出相应的回应，这一点很重要。这类高冲突人格的一个主要共通特征是情绪不成熟，这一特征在人际关系中会导致严重问题的发生。

What Is Emotional Immaturity?
什么是情绪不成熟

Emotional maturity is, in essence, the ability to deal with reality (Gibson, 2015). Emotionally mature people are self-reflective, take responsibility for their actions, and have flexible and adaptable personality traits that help them navigate the world with minimal detrimental consequences.

本质而言，情绪成熟，是指有能力应对现实。情绪成熟之人能够自我反省、对自身行为负责，具备灵活、适应型性格特征，这些性格特征能够帮助他们在生活中尽可能规避危害型后果。

Conversely, emotionally immature people are often unable to deal with reality and tend to alter their perceptions of reality to fit their own needs. As Gibson (2019) states, their bodies may have grown up—but mentally, they have arrested development and are often “stuck” at an earlier emotional age. It may be even possible to roughly identify the age at which a person is functioning at an emotional level. Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently? Are they insensitive to the feelings of others? Are they stuck in maladaptive thinking patterns (seeing everything in black-and-white, for example)?

相反，情绪不成熟人群通常无法应对现实，常常会根据他们自身需求而更改他们对现实的主观认知。如Gibson所说，他们的身体可能已经长大，但就思维而言，他们发展停滞，通常“卡”在了一个较早期的情绪年龄。甚至还可能大体识别出一个人的情绪年龄。他们是否总是发脾气？他们是否总是会拒绝交流（比如冷战）？他们是否对别人的感受毫不敏感？他们是否困于适应不良型思维模式中（比如，总是非黑即白的思维）？

Regardless of their emotional "age," emotionally immature people tend to lack emotional sensitivity, be self-preoccupied, or behave in ways that cause you to question your own reality. You may find communication difficult, or even impossible. They may be deceptive, manipulative, or impulsive with their actions and emotions. They struggle with navigating circumstances without negative consequences due to these deficits. For example, since impulsivity is common in emotionally immature individuals, they may chronically lie and cheat because their feelings override reason and morality.

无论他们的情绪年龄几何，情绪不成熟人群通常缺乏情绪敏感性、只关注自我，或者他们的行为方式导致你开始质疑你眼中的现实。你可能会发现和他们很难沟通，或者甚至完全不可能沟通。他们可能会擅于欺骗、擅于操纵，或者在行为和情绪上具有冲动性。由于他们的这些不足，他们往往很难避免负面后果。例如，由于情绪不成熟之人往往都很冲动，因此他们可能会有撒谎和欺骗的长期习惯，因为他们的感受是凌驾于理性和道德感之上的。

Characteristics of Emotionally Immature People
情绪不成熟之人的特征

The following are characteristics and descriptions that may help you recognize emotional immaturity and deal with it effectively (Gibson, 2019). The purpose of this article is not to diagnose people; diagnoses should only be given after examination by a qualified mental health professional. However, it can be helpful to be able to spot emotional immaturity in others in order to handle the situation both realistically and tactfully. It is impossible to deal with a situation unless it is recognized and acknowledged.

以下特征和描述可能有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征，并做出有效应对。本文目的并非诊断他人，只有在有资质的精神健康专业人士进行检查测试之后才可以做出诊断。但这些特征却有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征，从而让你能够以既切合实际又具有策略性地方式做出应对。认识问题，承认问题，才能应对问题。

1
They tend to think of themselves first, engaging in chronic self-absorbed behavior.
他们通常最先考虑自己，长期表现出以自我为中心的行为。

2
They do not know how to repair relationships effectively; conflicts are rarely resolved and may be ignored. A frequent mantra is "just move on."
他们不知道如何有效修复感情关系。感情关系中的冲突很少被真正解决，可能会被无视。他们经常说的一句话是：这件事就翻篇吧。

3
They are unable to take others' perspectives or stand in their shoes.
他们无法采取别人的视角或从别人角度看问题。

4
They frequently show a lack of guilt or remorse.
他们通常表现出缺乏内疚感或懊悔感。

5
They do what feels best—which means they often don't learn from past mistakes and may continue to repeat behavior that has negative consequences.
他们任性而为——即，他们通常不会从过去错误中汲取教训，而且可能会继续重复那些曾导致负面后果的行为。

6
They engage in little self-reflection.
他们几乎从不自我反思。

7
There is a history of conflict and drama in their relationships.
他们一直以来人际感情关系中都充斥着冲突与戏剧化。

8
They have a history of denying reality due to affective realism (reality is what it feels like instead of what it is) or distorting it (making up a new narrative about a situation) in order to deal with it.
他们历来会因为“情感现实主义”（对他们而言，现实是他们感觉的样子，而非事实的样子）而否认现实，或者扭曲现实（对某一情形编造出一种新的说法），从而让他们能够应对现实。

9
They demonstrate a pattern of impulsive behavior; they feel more than think.
他们表现出冲动型行为模式。他们更多地依赖感受，而非思考。

10
They often get enmeshed in relationships instead of engaging in healthy emotional intimacy.
他们通常会困于感情关系中，而非营建健康情感亲密关系。

11
They tend to disregard others' well-being and safety.
他们通常会不顾别人的健康幸福和安全。

12
They rarely do emotional work.
他们很少做情绪方面的管理。

13
They demonstrate little or no empathy.
他们几乎不会或完全不会表现出同理心。

Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Immature People
识别自己在情绪不成熟之人身边时的个人感受

After seeing the signs above, it's also important to notice how you feel around emotionally immature people and those with high-conflict personalities. Feelings of discomfort, anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and irritation are common.
在觉察到上述迹象后，同样重要的时，注意到自己的感受。不适感、焦虑、疑惑、疲倦和愤怒都是普遍的感受。

You may feel like every conversation is one-sided; you may feel hurt because your experiences and feelings are often discounted and ignored. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells, or that the person is overly negative and “draining.” Emotionally immature people often provoke anger because others in their life tend to feel dismissed, unseen, or as if their reality is questioned.

你可能会感到每次对话都是单方面谈话，
你可能会感到受伤因为你的体验和感受通常会被贬低或无视。
你可能还会感到一直需要小心翼翼，
或对方过于负能量，在“吸干”你的能量。
情绪不成熟之人通常会引发别人愤怒，因为他们生活中的其他人通常会感到被不屑一顾、被无视，或自己对现实的认知被质疑。

Because such people at times employ gaslighting to discount others' reality, you may feel “scrambled” or like you can't think straight after an interaction. Finally, ongoing depression, anxiety, or other similar symptoms may arise after dealing with these personalities over time.

因为这类人有时候会通过“煤气灯操纵的形式”否认别人眼中的现实，在与他们互动之后，你可能感到大脑一团乱麻一般，仿佛自己根本已经无法清晰思考。最终，在长期与这类人格之人相处之后，就会出现持续的抑郁、焦虑或其他类似症状。

Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Mature People
识别自己在情绪成熟之人身边时的感受

In contrast, you likely feel energized when interacting with emotionally mature people. You may even feel grateful after you spend time with them. Colloquially, they have “good vibes” and leave you feeling validated and understood. You feel empathy from them.

与之相对，当与情绪成熟之人打交道时，你可能会感到能量满满。在与他们相处之后，你甚至还会有种感激之情。用俗话来说，他们让人“如沐春风”，让你感到被认可、被理解。你能感受到他们的同理心。

They usually take responsibility for their actions, feel bad or guilty when they think they hurt you, and apologize for their behavioral missteps. They are able to think and feel at the same time. They are self-reflective, are able to build deep emotional connections over time, and their defenses adapt to reality. Emotionally mature people are able to deal with both outer and inner reality and are realistic, adapt, and accept what is.

他们通常会对自己行为负责，
当他们觉得自己伤害了你时，会感觉糟糕或内疚，并为自己的不当行为道歉。
他们既感性又理性。
他们能够自我反思，
能够随着时间推移建立起深层的情感连接，
他们能够调整个人防御机制使之适应现实。
他们既能够应对外在现实也能够应对内在现实，
他们切合实际、具有适应性，能够接受客观现实。

Emotional Maturity and Dealing with Conflict
情绪成熟&应对冲突

All relationships are stressful at times. However, chronically stressful relationships may be indicative of a larger problem in one or both parties. When conflicts arise between two emotionally mature people, their attempts to repair the relationship often help make it stronger. Both parties may end up feeling more understood, closer, and warmer towards each other, in spite of the original conflict.

所有感情关系并非都一帆风顺。但长期的充斥着压力的感情关系可能意味着一方或双方都存在某种更大的问题。当两个情绪成熟的人之间发生冲突时，他们在修复感情关系方面所做的努力会让感情变得更牢固。尽管之前有冲突，但双方最后会感到更加被理解、更加亲近、更加亲密。

In contrast, there often is no genuine conflict resolution with emotionally immature individuals. It is vital to acknowledge and recognize these dynamics in areas where you have to deal with them, such as at work, and deliberately choose whether or not to deal with them in personal relationships. Once you do, you can change both your tactics and expectations of the relationships to promote the most successful and safe outcome for yourself and others.

但与之相对，在情绪不成熟的两个人之间，通常冲突并没有真正得以解决。在人际关系中，如果在一些场合，存在这类互动关系，而且你不得不去应对这类互动关系，比如职场，那么，识别并承认这种互动关系的存在，并且仔细抉择是否去处理应对，这一点至关重要。一旦你这样做了，你就可以改变你在这段关系中的策略，改变你对这段关系的期望，为你自己和他人之间促成最成功、最安全的结果。