你有权评判，但无权审判

人人有权批判，但最起码应该知道自己的批判意见不是唯一绝对正确意见，知道自己不是上帝、不是最高审判官。你有权评判，但无权审判。

KEY POINTS

“Don't judge” is a popular but hypocritical way to get people to tone down their criticism.
告诉别人不要妄加评判，这是一种常见的用于缓和别人批评程度的方法， 但也很虚伪。

“Don't judge” should mean “don't play judge”,in other words, don't pull fake rank.
“不要妄加评判”真正的含义应该是“不要扮演审判者角色”，换言之，不要僭越自身角色。

To overcome the hypocrisy of the command, use subjective qualifiers to show that you know you're not the supreme judge either.
要克服这一命令的虚伪性，使用主观限定语，让对方明白你知道你也不是最高审判长。

People will be more receptive to your opinions, even your strong opinions, if they hear you admitting that it's just your opinion.
人们往往更易于接受你的观点，甚至是你的强烈观点，如果他们听到你承认那只是你的个人意见。

The popular rejoinder “don’t Judge!” has had surprising staying power for such a hypocritical command. People have been saying it for decades now.
广为人用的反驳句子“不要妄加评判”作为一个虚伪的命令来说，这么久还没过时，的确是令人惊讶。数十年来，这句话依旧被广泛使用。

It’s understandable. In today’s cultural chaos, we’d seek ways to say “don’t go there” and this one works. “Don’t judge” tends to make people tone it down even though it’s one of the judgy-est pronouncements one can make: “I hereby prohibit you from judging me, and in so doing, I declare all judgment impermissible in my courtroom.” That’s hypocrisy on stilts.
这完全可以理解。在今天的文化混沌状态中，我们会寻找各种方法告诉别人“不要那么做”，而“不要妄加批判”这句话完全奏效。它会弱化别人的批判程度，尽管这句话本身就最具批判性：“我这里禁止你批判我，这样，在我的法庭上，所有批判就都是不被允许的。”这简直就是大写的虚伪！

What “don’t judge” could and should mean is don’t PLAY judge.
“不要妄加批判”这句话本身的含义应该是“不要扮演审判者”。

The technical term for playing judge is frame dominance—dominating a debate or contest by acting like the authority entitled to decide what’s fair and foul and, above all, who wins (hint: the frame dominator). Frame dominance is pretending to be the authority presiding over a case in which one is merely an advocate. It’s posing as the ump when you're just a competitor.
扮演审判者，其专业词汇叫做“框架主导”，即，在辩论或比赛中将自己放在主导地位，扮演着有权决定赏罚输赢的权威人物的角色，（框架主导者）。框架主导，是指，虽然自己只是个拥护者，但却扮演着审判官的角色。尽管自己只是其中一个竞争者，但却扮演者裁判的角色。

In other words, it’s an equal pulling fake rank.
换言之，这是在僭越个人角色。

Playing judge comes naturally to most of us. Each of us feels like the judge. Our intuitions and interpretations feel so convincing to ourselves that we simply assume we’re objective authorities. Besides, we can tell that other people are subjective because sometimes they disagree with us. It’s as if our presumed objectivity exposes their biases and their biases prove our objectivity.
我们大部分人都很擅长扮演审判者。每个人都感觉自己像是最高审判者。我们的直觉和解读在我们看来是如此正确，所以我们就自然而然假设我们是客观的权威人物。除此之外，我们还能看出别人都很主观，因为他们有时候和我们意见不同。仿佛是，我们所认为的自己的客观性暴露了他们的认知偏见，而他们的认知偏见则又证明了我们的客观性。

Playing judge is also advantageous. We’re most confident when we’re convinced we see things clearly, and confidence often wins debates.
扮演审判者，同时也让人受益良多。当我们相信我们自身观点正确时，我们就最自信，而自信，通常会让人赢得辩论。

Simply put, frame dominance works. It shouldn’t, but it does. We shouldn’t let people get away with playing judge, but we often do. To prevent or deescalate conflicts or just out of exhaustion, we often let the most confident party win. A judge gets to decide so a person merely playing judge often ends up with decisive power.
简而言之，框架主导的确会有效。它本不该如此，但事实却的确如此。我们本不该让扮演审判者的人恣意妄为却毫发无损，但我们通常却的确如此。为了避免或降低冲突，或者仅仅是因为疲倦，我们通常会将胜利拱手让给最自信的那一方。审判者有权做出判决，因此，本来只是在扮演审判者的人通常最后弄假成真，会获得真正的判决权力。

If I were to adjudicate on this topic, I’d say don’t play judge and don’t let yourself be played by people playing judge. Neither judge-player nor judge-played be.
如果让我在这一话题上发表意见，我会说，不要扮演审判者，也不要被扮演审判者的人操纵。即，不扮演审判者，也不被冒充审判者的人操纵。

If you were inclined to take my subjective advice (strictly optional), how would you implement such a policy? Let’s start with "don’t play judge."
如果你倾向于接纳我的主观建议（完全取决于你），那么你会怎么实施这一策略呢？首先，让我们先从“不要扮演审判者”开始。

When saying controversial things, use subjective qualifiers like “I think…” or “My guess is that…” Show that you know you’re not the judge. Fight the temptation to pull rank you don’t have.
当表达一些具有争议性的言论时，使用主观限定语，比如“我认为”或“我的猜测是”。向别人表明你知道你不是审判者，克制自己想要假装自己有权威来压制别人的诱惑。

Even if you do have rank. Even if you’re the actual, official boss and have the final say, don’t talk like you’re God making pronouncements from on high. Don’t say “This won’t work,” say “I don’t bet this will work.” Don’t say “This is bad,” say “I think it’s bad.” Your subjective opinion will rule the day anyway, and your subordinates will be more receptive if you’re not indulging in playing supreme judge but merely the boss of the project at hand.
即使你真的有权威，即使你是真的老板，或有最终决策权，也不要表现得像是自己是高高在上的上帝。
不要说：“这没有用！”，
而是说，“我并不觉得这会有用。”
不要说“这很糟糕”，
而是说，“我觉得这很糟糕”。
无论如何，你的主观观点都会是最终结论，但如果你不是去沉溺于扮演最高审判者的角色，而只是将自己放在手头项目主管者的位置，那么你的下属就会更愿意从内心接受你的观点。

Subjective qualifiers are especially important in processing conversations and debates. You are entitled to psychologize other people, but not as though you’re God. Don’t say “you’re being defensive.” Say “I think you’re being defensive.” Don’t say “You’re jealous.” Say “I bet you’re jealous.”
在处理对话和辩论时，主观限定词尤为重要。你有权利去从心理上分析别人，但却不要感觉像是自己是上帝。不要说：“你现在有些激动”，而是说：“我觉得你现在有些激动”。不要说：“你嫉妒了”，而是说，“我猜你是嫉妒了。”

Subjective qualifiers are even more important when describing our own feelings and motives, about which, contrary to popular opinion, we are not objective authorities. People say “don’t tell me how I feel. I know how I feel!” but we know that can’t always be true. Obviously, there are times we don’t know or don’t care to admit to what we’re feeling or what motivates us. So we need subjective qualifiers on self-declaration, too. Don’t say “I’m not mad.” Say “I could be wrong but I don’t bet I’m mad.”
主观限定语在我们描述自身感受和动机时甚至更重要。与我们普遍的观点截然相反，我们在个人感受和动机方面并非客观权威者。人们会说：“不要告诉我我的感受是什么，我知道自己的感受是什么！”但我们知道真相并非总是如此。很明显，有时候我们并不知道也不想承认我们自己的感受和动机。所以，我们在做自我披露时，也需要主观限定语。不要说“我并没有愤怒”，而是说：“我可能是错的，但我并不觉得我很愤怒。”

To illustrate the importance of subjective qualifiers, let’s parse a common comment in a heated exchange. Someone might say “Look, I’m not attacking you,” as a gesture of friendly deescalation. It’s not. It’s as agitating as commanding someone to “calm down.” To say “I’m not attacking you” is to declare yourself on your own high authority, free of responsibility for the conflict and in the process, to imply that the problem is that the opponent is being defensive.
为阐述主观限定语的重要性，让我们来分析一段在激烈争辩中常见的一句话。某个人可能会说：“看，我并没有在攻击你”，作为一种友好的冲突降级方式，但并非如此。这句话就像是要求别人“你冷静下来”一样让人恼火。告诉别人“我没有在攻击你”，就宣告了你将自己放在了高高在上权威者的位置，对冲突不负任何责任，而且，在这一过程中，暗示有问题的是对方，是对方过于激动。

Instead, say and mean, “I could be wrong but I don’t think I’m attacking you.” A subjective qualifier won’t defuse all conflict but it will soften the authoritarian tone.
更好的做法是，诚挚地告诉对方：“我可能是错的，但我并不觉得我在攻击你。”主观限定语不会让所有冲突烟消云散，但却会弱化给人的专制感。

Indeed, subjective qualifiers afford us more freedom to say what we really think. There’s an easily overlooked difference between a qualified and a subjectively qualified assertion. “Perhaps you’re wrong” is qualified. “I think you’re flat-out wrong” is subjectively qualified. The difference is subtle, but it makes a difference. Subjectively qualified assertions don’t have to be mealy mouthed. You can have high confidence in your interpretation while demonstrating that it is still just your subjective interpretation.
的确，主观限定语能够让我们更自由地表达个人真实想法。但在限定陈述和主观限定陈述之间存在一个很容易被忽视的区别。“可能你是错的”，这是限定陈述，“我觉得你完全是错的。”这是主观限定陈述。二者区别细微，但结果却有很大不同。主观限定陈述并不一定是遮遮掩掩。你完全可以在表达只是个人主观看法的同时，对自己的看法充满高度信心。

Receptivity goes way up when all parties own their subjectivity and no parties play judge. Not playing judge will lower your bulldozing horsepower but in the long run that’s a good thing because you aren’t the supreme judge, you’re a judge among judges, people making up their own minds.
当所有参与方都承认自己的主观性，没有任何一方扮演审判者角色时，接受度会远远增高。不扮演审判者角色，会弱化自己咄咄逼人的力量，但长期而言，却对你有益，因为你不再是最高审判者，而是众多审判者中的一员。每个有着自己想法的人都是审判者。

Now, to be judge-played is to let someone frame-dominate you, letting them declare things as if they’re the objective authority and you’re a subjective and biased plaintiff pleading your case before them. Call people on their judge-playing. Make them admit that their perspective is as subjective and biased as yours.
不被假装审判者的人操纵，是指不要让别人主导你们的谈话框架，不要让整个事态看起来像是他们是客观权威者，你不过是一个主观的、存有偏见的、在他们面前求审判的原告。如果有人扮演审判者角色，大胆指出来，让他们承认他们的观点其实和你的一样主观、存在偏见。

How then to avoid letting others play judge? Simple. Stop saying “don’t judge” and instead say “don’t play judge.” Call people on their frame dominance while signaling that you’re subjective, too.
那么，如何避免让别人扮演审判者角色呢？很简单。不要再说“不要妄加批判”，而是说，“不要扮演审判者角色”。指出别人的框架主导行为，同时也传递你个人意见都是主观意见。