Dating Red Flags | 约会阶段的61种警示信号
What Is a Dating Red Flag?
什么是约会警示信号？
A dating red flag is a warning sign that appears during a date that could indicate a problem, miscommunication, or challenge in the future. Examples of dating red flags are: Talking only about themselves, avoiding difficult conversations, gossiping about their ex, and withholding affection. Dating red flags can reveal themselves through a negative sign or action, a verbal or physical cue, or the hint of a personality flaw, and they can be dangerous if not spotted early.
Red flags in the early stages of dating can be subtle or obvious. If a red flag appears more than once, it’s important to take note before the relationship goes too far.
约会警示信号是指在约会中出现的、可能预示着未来某种问题、无法正常沟通或某种挑战的信号。一些约会警示信号包括：只谈论自己、回避棘手话题、八卦前任、收回自己的爱意（冷战）等。具体表现可能会是某种负面的迹象或行为、语言或肢体信号、人格缺陷迹象等。如果不提前发现，可能就会很危险。
约会早期的警示信号可能并不明显。如果一个警示信号出现不仅一次，那么就需要在这段感情进一步发展之前予以重视。
Personal Red Flags
关于个人的警示信号
01
His personal hygiene is bad
个人卫生很差
When two people get close and comfortable with each other, they accept both the good and bad habits of the other person. However, if you’re just on the first or second date and your partner doesn’t groom himself appropriately, he is probably telling you that you’re not important enough for him to make the effort to look good or smell nice.当两个人变得亲密时，他们会将彼此的好习惯和坏习惯都全盘接受。但如果你们只是第一次或第二次约会，对方没有打扮得体，他可能就是在告诉你你并不值得他花精力捯饬自己。
Someone who doesn’t put in the effort now may get even worse in the long run. So it’s either he changes now, or you take the clue and part ways with him. 在现阶段都不愿意在这方面花精力的人以后可能会更更变本加厉。所以，要么是他现在改变，要么是你接收他的暗示信号，赶紧分道扬镳。
02
They’re rude to waitstaff, ushers, and other service workers
他们对服务人员态度粗鲁
If you’re meeting Joey for dinner and he’s rude to your server for no reason, it’s a good indicator of how he treats people in general. He might be all smiles toward you early on, but that’s because he’s still trying to impress you. The same red flag applies to other service industry folk, like ticket takers, ushers, baristas, and bartenders.如果你和Joey见面吃完饭，他对你的服务人员毫无缘由地态度粗鲁，那么很可能这意味着他整体上都是以这种态度对待别人的。他可能在一开始对你温文尔雅，但那可能只是因为他依旧试图给你留下好印象。这一警示信号同时也适用于其他服务行业人员，比如检票员、引座员、咖啡师和酒吧吧台服务人员等。
03
Feeling low self-esteem
低自尊感
The people closest to you should build you up, not break you down.
When you love someone, you are committed to supporting and uplifting them. If you do not feel that support from your partner, family or friends, something needs to change.
与你最亲密的人应该让你变得更好，而不是摧毁你。
当你爱某个人时，你会全心全意去支持对方、托举对方。但如果你感觉不到对方、家人或朋友给你这种支持，那么就需要做出一些改变了。
04
Lack of emotional intelligence
缺乏情商
Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage emotions.
People with a low level of emotional intelligence are unable to pick up on your feelings or empathize with you. This often results in unnecessary conflicts or forms of manipulation.
情商，是指识别并管理情绪的能力。
低情商者无法意识到你的感受，或无法与你共情。这通常会导致非必要的冲突或各种形式的操纵。
05
Narcissism/自恋
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition that indicates self-obsession, a misplaced sense of importance. It can come across as delusions of grandeur, although not in a clinical sense. They are not experiencing a break with reality, although it might feel that way to the people close to them. Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. And if anybody threatens this belief, turmoil and chaos tend to follow.
Being emotionally involved with a narcissistic, ego-driven person can be exhausting and traumatizing. Their needs will always be considered more important than yours.
自恋人格障碍是一种精神疾病，这意味着自我沉迷（过度聚焦于自己），扭曲的重要感。它可以表现为自己很了不起的错觉，尽管这并非从临床诊断角度而言。他们并没有脱离现实，虽然可能会让他们身边之人有这种感觉。自恋者认为这个世界是围绕着他们转的。如果有任何人威胁到这种信念，那么狂暴混乱就会随之而至。
与一个自恋、ego（自我、自尊感、面子）驱动之人产生任何类型的情感关系，都会令人筋疲力尽或遭受创伤。他们总是会认为自己的需求要比你的更重要。
06
Anger management issues
愤怒管理问题
If someone you are close to has anger management issues, you might feel threatened or unsafe during conflict. Lack of emotional regulation is a definite red flag for any relationship.
We all should feel comfortable enough with a partner or friend to tackle difficult subjects without fearing for our safety. Anyone who uses anger as an intimidation tactic is displaying toxic behavior.
如果你身边的人有愤怒管理问题，你可能会在冲突情形中感到有危险或不安全。缺乏情绪管理能力是任何情感关系的明确警示信号。
我们都应该能够在与伴侣或朋友应对棘手话题时，感到足够的安心从容，并且不需要为自己的安全担忧。用愤怒作为震慑策略，是一种毒性的行为。
07
Inability to resolve conflict
无法解决冲突
People that avoid conflict might think they are protecting the relationship from ruin. But in the end, it only results in long-winded passive aggression.
As uncomfortable as it can be, embracing constructive conflict is a crucial element of all relationships. Without productive conflict, serious matters can never be resolved. This can lead to resentment and wasted energy.
回避冲突者可能会觉得自己是在保护这段感情。但最终，这只会导致长期的消极式攻击行为。
尽管人们很不喜欢，但坦然面对有建设性的冲突，是所有感情关系中的关键要素。没有这种建设性冲突，一些重大问题就永远无法被解决，而这也会导致怨恨和浪费能量。
08
They Aren’t Very Motivated
他们没有很多自驱性
Motivation doesn’t necessarily mean career advancement and productivity. Although the inability to maintain a job IS a major red flag.
Are they motivated to learn or try new things?
Are they motivated to find new, fun date ideas?
Or… do they constantly try new things but don’t commit? Do they give up too easy? Do they complain a lot? These are all red flags!
自驱性并不一定意味着事业的发展和工作效率。但无法维持一份工作，这的确也是一个重大警示信号。
他们是否会主动学习和尝试新事物？
他们是否会主动寻找有趣的新约会创意？
或者，他们是否总是在尝试新事物但对什么都是浅尝辄止？他们是否很容易就放弃？他们是否经常抱怨？这些都是警示信号！
09
They act irresponsibly
他们不负责任
If your date isn’t capable of handling some of the basic responsibilities that go along with being a dating adult—or worse, shuns them altogether—you should reevaluate your relationship with them. There’s nothing wrong with being a child at heart, but here are some examples of “Peter Pan Syndrome” red flags:
如果你的约会对象无法应对作为一名成年约会对象应有的基本责任，或者更糟糕的是甚至完全回避，那么你就该重新审视你们的感情关系。有童心，这没问题，但下面是“彼得潘综合症”警示信号的一些例子：
Financial irresponsibility or incompatibility
经济方面不负责任或经济理念不一致
Clinging to their parents/啃老
Inappropriate social behavior/不适当的社交行为:
There’s a time and place for certain humor, conversation topics, and other behavior. If your date seems openly immature or oblivious to major social norms on your first few dates, it will likely only get worse as they get more comfortable with you.
一些幽默、话题或其他行为都是需要特定场合和时机的。如果你的约会对象似乎在你们刚开始约会时就很明显表现得不成熟，或对一些普遍社会准则似乎并不知晓，那么当他们跟你越来越亲近后，这些行为很可能只会变本加厉。
Your date doesn’t have to act like a grown-up all the time, but the last thing you want is to date someone emotionally your junior, or have to teach them how to be an adult. You want to be a partner, not a parent.
你的约会对象并非要一直都表现成熟，但你最不需要的，是和一个在情商方面低于自己的、一个必须由你来教导如何作为成年人的约会对象。你需要作为对方的伙伴，而非对方的父母。
10
They have issues in the bedroom
房事问题
Sex is a big part of a normal adult relationship, and plenty of red flags can appear in (and around) the bedroom early on. Below are two major bedroom-related red flags to keep an eye out for:
性，是正常成年人感情关系中的很大一部分，而且在最初阶段，在性爱方面可能会出现很多警示信号。以下是在性爱方面两个需要高度警惕的警示信号：
They refuse to talk about sex. If you’ve both established that you want to wait, that’s one thing, but if you broach the subject at a reasonable time in the relationship (i.e. not the first date) and they change the subject or never show any interest in discussing things with you, something is up.
他们拒绝谈论性爱。如果你们都同意先暂时搁置，那是另外一回事。但如果你在这段感情中合理的时间（即，并非首次约会时）提到了这一话题，但对方切换了话题，或表现出对这一讨论完全不感兴趣，那就是有问题了。
They want to have sex, but they’re selfish about it. They only care about their pleasure and not about yours. They ask you to do things that they refuse to reciprocate, like oral sex.
他们想要性活动，但却很自私。他们只考虑自己的快感，而非你的。他们会提出特殊请求但自己却拒绝对你做同样的事，比如oral sex。
Both of these red flags spell out trouble in the future. Either you’ll be sexually frustrated, hoping they’ll finally come around, or you’ll be constantly pleasing them in hopes they’ll eventually return the favor. Either way, there’s no reason for you to spend time in a sexually unsatisfying relationship.
这两种警示信号都意味着未来的问题。要么是你在性生活方面感到受挫，寄希望于他们能自己意识到个人问题，或你不断在取悦对方，等待着他们最终投桃报李。无论那种情形，都没有理由让你继续待在一段性生活不幸福的感情关系中。
11
They indulge in negging
他们热衷于贬低
Negging involves giving backhanded compliments to shatter someone’s self-confidence. For instance, they tell you, “Wow! You look pretty today. I wish you wore makeup every day.” Negging can make you doubt your self-worth.
贬低，也包括给与一些明褒实贬的赞美来击碎一个人的自信。比如，他们会告诉你，“哇，你今天看起来好美。我真希望你每天都化妆。”贬低，会让你质疑自己的自我价值。
12
They always complain
他们总是在抱怨
It is okay to share your views and opinions with your dating partner, but it is not healthy to complain non-stop. If your partner almost always has a problem with everything you do or say or criticizes everything within sight, they are not the right person for you.
和约会对象分享个人观点，这是没问题的，但一直喋喋不休抱怨，这则是不健康的。如果对方总是对你做的每一件事或说的每一句话都有意见，或批评目光所及的一切事物，那么这个人就并非适合你的那个人。
13
They are self-centered
他们以自我为中心
A self-centered person makes a relationship all about themselves. They use you only until you fulfill their needs and have absolutely no consideration for your feelings. They even blame you for anything that hurts them.
自我为中心者让让所感情关系都围绕着他们。他们会利用你直到满足他们的需求，而且完全不顾及你的感受。他们甚至会将自己感到的任何伤害归咎于你身上。
14
They are dishonest
他们不诚实
A relationship cannot survive for long when there is a lack of honesty between partners. Your dating partner may have numerous reasons to lie to you. They do not pick up your calls or text you promptly, and they even miss dates. These show their lack of respect for you.
当缺乏坦诚时，一段感情关系是无法长久的。对方可能会有无数原因向你撒谎。他们没有立即接你电话或给你发信息，甚至约会时放你鸽子。这些都表示他们缺乏对你的尊重。
15
They do not keep their words
他们言而无信
They make thousands of promises but seldom keep even one of them. They proclaim their love for you daily, but you never get to see their love in their actions. Judge them by their actions and not their words.
他们做出上千个承诺但甚至无法履行其中一个。他们每天都在宣称很爱你，但你却从来没有在他们的行动中感受到他们的爱。用他们的行为作为衡量标尺，而非言辞！
16
They always blame other people
他们总是在指责别人
A cynical person is never happy in life and always blames others for their misfortunes. It can be their parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, or just about anyone they can think of. They never take responsibility and are always looking to curse others for their unhappiness. If your date is one such person, keep a safe distance from them.
一个愤世嫉俗的人在生活中从不开心，从来都是将个人不幸归咎于其他人身上。或许是他们的父母、兄弟姐妹、老师、同事或他们想到的任何人。他们从来不承担责任，总是会因自己的痛苦而咒骂别人。如果你的约会对象是这样一个人，那么，保持安全距离！
17
They hesitate to make your relationship public
他们迟迟不愿公开你们的感情
You have gone out on enough dates, yet when it comes to making the relationship official, they hesitate. Your relationship status reads ‘committed’ on social media, while theirs remains ‘single’. They may not post lovey-dovey couple pictures, and that’s understood, but if they are consciously hiding your relationship, it is a warning sign.
你们已经约会了足够多次，但当要正式宣布你们的感情关系时，对方却犹豫不决。在社交媒体上，你的感情状态写的是“处于一段正式感情中”，而对方的依旧是“单身”。他们可能不会发布你们两个人卿卿我我的照片，这可以理解。但如果对方在可以隐藏你们的感情关系，那么这就是一个警告信号了。
18
They are unable to form meaningful relationships
他们无法建立有意义的人际和情感关系
Having short-term relationships in the past does not make a person unsuitable for you. But if, in addition to this, they also lack good relations with their family and do not have friends, there must be something amiss. And you need to find out why they are unable to maintain good relations with other people.
在过去，拥有一些短期的感情经历或人际关系，这并不意味着这个人就不适合你。但如果，除此之外，如果对方与自己的家人也关系不佳，且没有朋友，那么就肯定是存在着某些问题了。你需要找出为什么他们无法和其他人维持良好关系。
19
He sounds regretful about his life rather than appreciative
他对人生充满遗憾而非珍惜感恩
Dating red flags aren’t always glaring especially when you’ve just started communicating with the man. In relationships, there are different kinds of people; the ones who seem to resent their ‘luck’ and the ones who appreciate each experience as it comes.
You should run the other way if the guy you’re hoping to enter a relationship with is always bemoaning his choices and life overall. It is only a man who appreciates each life experience that will help you see the good in life regardless of what may happen.
约会中的警示信号并非总是特别显眼，尤其是当你只是刚开始和一个人交流时。感情关系这片大林子中什么鸟都有。比如有似乎对自己“运气”愤愤不平的，以及带着珍惜感恩心态看待每段经历的。
如果对方总是在抱怨自己的选择和人生，那么你应该赶紧逃离。只有一个珍惜每段人生经历的人才会帮助你在人生各种境遇中让你看到光明美好一面。
20
He nitpicks about the most irrelevant things
他对最鸡毛蒜皮的事也总是挑刺
Many people think women are more prone to nitpick about stuff but men do it too. They’ll fuss about everything from the way you dress to the friends you keep.
One dating red flag is when someone you’re dating can’t focus on important things but chooses to give time to irrelevant details. It’s something that can be manageable, but it could also get very annoying fast.
很多人觉得女性更易于挑刺，但男性也会这样做。从你的穿着方式，到你的朋友，他们都会批评指摘。约会时的一个警示信号是，对方无法专注于重要事情，而是选择将时间花在无关紧要的细枝末节上。这虽然是可以控制的行为习惯，但也会很快让人感到恼怒。
021
It is almost impossible for him to appear impressed by what anyone else does
似乎几乎没有任何东西能让他们赞叹
No one is perfect. However, the least each person can do is to cheer someone up when they achieve a feat—no matter how small it is. If your man is someone who finds nothing impressive, there is a big problem.
It means that he will always demand more than you are willing to or can give of yourself. Relationships of this kind become toxic and hard to break out from. It is best if you let him go before you go deeper than you already have.
没有人是完美的，但一个人最起码能做的，是当别人实现一些成就时，无论多小，都予以鼓励喝彩。如果你的约会对象觉得任何东西都是“不过如此”，那么这就是一个大问题了。
这意味着他的要求总是会超出你愿意给予或能够给予的程度。这种感情关系会变得毒性，难以摆脱。在你进一步深陷之前，最好赶紧放手。
22
Substance or alcohol abuse
毒品或酒精滥用
I don’t need to be a relationship expert to tell you that hard drug use is an immediate disqualifier.
Hard drugs are anything you have to cook, cut, stretch, or compress. Within the “cooking” and “cutting” categories, I’m including abuse of any prescription drugs and pill-popping. I’m also willing to consider slight psychedelic use for constructive purposes. It’s one thing if a person occasionally enjoys a smoke. It’s a different story entirely if they have to use it every day. Not only is that an addiction (by definition), but it’s also likely a way to cope with other issues. The same thing is true for alcohol.
我不需要作为一个感情专家才能告诉你，一旦发现对方使用烈性毒品，要立即取消资格！
烈性毒品是任何需要化学制作、切割、拉伸或压制的毒品。这里在“化学制作”和“切割”分类中，也包括对任何处方药的滥用或嗑药丸。如果是出于有益原因而使用少量致幻药物，我也愿意考虑。如果一个人偶尔抽一口，这是一回事，但如果他们每天都在使用，那就完全是另一回事了。这不仅是一种瘾症（根据定义），而且也可能是他应对其他问题的一种方式。对酗酒而言也是同理。
23
All of his exes are narcissists, have bipolar disorder, or have some mental health issue
他所有前任都是自恋者、有双向情感障碍，或有某种精神健康问题
In general, I think it’s a bad idea to ever bring up old relationships with new partners. Talking about exes all the time could be another red flag by itself, but I feel like that’s obvious enough to not warrant its own section.
However, it’s not unusual for the conversation to naturally drift that way—especially at the beginning of a new relationship. It’s not uncommon to bring up issues related to the last break up, why things ended, and what your last relationship was like.
一般来说的话，我认为和新对象谈起旧感情经历，这并不明智。总是在谈论前任，这本身也是一个警示信号，但我觉得这个已经足够明显，因此不需要另外写出来去赘述。
但谈话自然而然偏向那个话题，这并不罕见，尤其在一段新感情初期。人们经常就会提到之前的分手，为什么分手，以及上段感情经历怎么样等。
If the conversation gets on this topic, then pay attention to how a man describes his exes. There’s nothing wrong with him listing her bad behavior that contributed to the decline of the relationship, but it’s a huge red flag if he starts using buzzwords for mental health issues to describe her.
It’s a deal-breaker because it’s a cowardly way to avoid taking responsibility for his bad decisions.
It’s a lot easier to say there was something wrong with her to figure out how his actions contributed to things. And yes, this explanation is often used in place of taking responsibility for things because it rules out the possibility that she was fine, but he had behaved in a way that made her act that way.
如果谈话谈到这一话题，那么密切注意对方是如何描述他的前任们的。如果他列出前任的所有导致那段感情结束的不良行为，那么这没问题，但如果他开始用一些精神健康问题热门词汇来形容她，那就是一个巨大警示信号了。
这种行为意味着这段感情不值得维持，因为逃避为自己的错误决定承担责任，这是一种懦弱的行为。
相比去思考自己有哪些行为导致了问题的发生，更简单轻松的方式就是宣告说前任有问题。是的，这种说法一般常见于需要为事情承担责任的情形，因为只要说都是对方有问题，那么就排除了这种可能性：她自身并没问题，是他的某种行为方式导致了她做出那种反应的。
24
No friends/没有朋友
This doesn’t just mean friends that he’s met recently, although that’s important too.
You don’t want to be with a socially awkward, reclusive guy, who has no idea how to behave like a generally likable human. This also goes for his past friends as well.
If a guy doesn’t have any friends that he’s known before the age of 18, this isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it should make you start looking at things a bit more in-depth.
If a guy doesn’t have any friends from before 22, that’s a red flag.
But it’s a red flag you need to ask questions about. This is the type of thing that might not even make itself known because you met in a city he relocated to. However, after dating him for a little while, you need to see that he’s had friends for a while.
这并不是指他最近遇到的朋友，尽管这也重要。
你不想和一个不擅社交，离群索居，不懂正常社交行为的人在一起。所以这里的“朋友”也包括他以前的朋友。
如果一个男性没有任何18岁以前时认识的朋友，这并不一定就是一个警示信号，但足以让你试图深究一下。
如果一个男人没有任何22岁之前认识的朋友，那么这就是一个警示信号了。
但这是一个你需要询问的警示信号。如果他之前并不生活在你们相识的城市，那么这类事情可能甚至不会为人所知。但在和他交往一小段时间后，你需要看到对方一段时间来是有朋友的。
This is important because generally speaking, a guy doesn’t have friends because he’s either a social recluse or he’s screwed a bunch of people over—and even the socially awkward guys tend to group up and be friends with one another. So you’re usually looking at a dude with serious personal issues.
His family doesn’t count. He must have people who have chosen to be around him (preferably for an extended period of time) of their own free will. Not familial obligation.
这很重要，因为整体而言，一个男人没有朋友，往往是因为他在社交方面离群索居，或者他曾经坑了很多人——即使不擅社交者也往往会抱团，和彼此成为朋友。所以通常情况下，这意味着对方有严重个人问题。
他的家人不算。这里的朋友必须是指那些自愿选择和他交往的人（最好是长期的），而非出于家庭义务。
25
Always late/总是迟到
Yes, things happen. With that said, we live in the 21st century with cellular devices. Not only can you call if something comes up, but you can also text. Hell, you can even send a message through various social media and dating apps.
的确，总是会有意外情况。尽管如此，我们活在有移动设备的21世纪。如果有事发生，你不仅可以打电话，还可以发信息。甚至还可以通过各种社交媒体和约会app发送信息。
Showing up late, even once, without calling and texting, should be grounds for dismissal from your life.
If a guy is always late, even if he calls and texts, this is also a big deal. This means he’s terrible at managing his time or honoring his plans isn’t important to him. Either way, this is not a good sign for the future.
Remember, I’m not talking about the 5-10 minutes needed to find a parking spot. That’s acceptable. But if someone is more than 15 minutes late and the lateness fits the above description, then it’s likely a big red flag.
迟到且没有任何电话或信息，即使只是一次，应该成为从你人生中将其“案件驳回”的足够依据。如果一个人总是迟到，即使他打电话和发信息了，这也是一个严重问题。这意味着他缺乏时间管理能力，或者对他而言，守约并不那么重要。无论那种情况，对未来而言都并非好的信号。
记住，我这里不是说需要找停车位的5-10分钟。这是可以接受的。但如果一个人迟到了15分钟以上，且符合上面的描述，那么这就可能是一个很大的警示信号。
26
Male feminists
男性女权主义者
Generally speaking, avoid men who use any words ending in “ist” or “ism” to define themselves. Specifically, male feminists are problematic because they already hate what makes them male. This means that they will have trouble behaving like a man you would like to date.
I’ll elaborate.
一般来说，回避那些用“xxxx主义者”和“xxx主义”来定义自己的男性。尤其是男性女权主义者更是充满问题的，因为他们已经讨厌自己性别的一些固有要素了。这意味着他们很难达到你对男性约会对象的期望。
我来详细解释一下。
There is nothing wrong with believing that everyone deserves the same opportunities and equal treatment under the law. But if you’re a man who feels the need to make one of his defining traits that he’s championing for women’s rights (and women already have the same rights as men and by many metrics, are ahead of men), then this man has an ulterior motive.
认为每个人在法律下都值得得到同样的机遇和同样的对待，这本身无问题。但如果一个男人觉得需要将捍卫女性权益作为自己的定义特征（且女性已经拥有了这些和男人一样的权益，而且从很多角度而言，要领先于男性），那么这个人就有着不可告人的动机。
Very often, these men are predators and abusers of women themselves. Ultimately, it’s just a trick to ingratiate themselves with women without doing the work of becoming a more attractive man.通常，这些男人是以女性为对象的捕猎者和虐待者。归根结底，这只是他们不用提升自己就可以讨好女性的一个手段。
Relational red flags
与感情关系有关的警示信号
01
They get too serious too fast and love bombing
他们过快变得认真；爱情轰炸
Your date says and does everything perfectly, as if they were in a romantic comedy or romance novel. They’re so flattering, they lure you in and try to make things serious as fast as they can. Remember: If things seem too good to be true, they probably are. Also watch for your date acting possessively, checking in on you repeatedly, and wanting to know where you are at all times. It could be a sign they’re clingy or possessive, both of which are stifling, and bad signals for a future relationship.
Everyone should date at their own comfortable pace. If Greg is pushing you for commitment early in the dating process, it’s likely because of his insecurity or lacking emotional intelligence. Greg is trying to “lock you down” before you have the chance to recognize his flaws. This is called “love bombing.”
你的约会对象的言辞和行为堪称完美，仿佛是在一个爱情浪漫剧或爱情小说中。他们甜言蜜语，不断引诱，试图让这段感情尽快变得正式。记住，如果事情太过美好以至于不真实，那么很可能事实就是这样。另外也警惕对方行为表现出占有欲，不断联系你，时时刻刻想要知道你在哪里，这可能就意味着对方太粘你，或有占有欲。两种情形都是令人窒息的，也是未来感情关系的不良讯号。
每个人都应该按照自己感到舒适的速度去发展感情。如果Greg在约会早期就不断催促你想让你赶紧和他确立正式关系，那么这可能是因为他自身的不安全感或缺乏情商。Greg是试图在你发现他的缺陷之前“锁定你”。这被称作“爱情轰炸”。
Love bombing’s purpose is to make you feel appreciated so you are more receptive to them and their desires. They get their victim to tell them intimate details of their life and later use these details against them. It is to attempt to ensure future emotional and physical intimacy while setting you up for long-term manipulation and abuse.
Love bombing seems wonderful when it’s happening, but it’s often a very early sign of things to come.
爱情轰炸的目的是让你感到被珍惜，从而让你更愿意接受他们和他们的欲求。他们会让他们的受害者们吐露自己人生的细节信息，之后则会用这些信息来攻击受害者。他们这是在试图确保未来情感和肢体亲密的同时，也为长期操纵和虐待你铺下道路。
爱情轰炸在发生时似乎很美好，但通常是未来各种问题的一个非常早期的迹象。
02
He makes you believe you’re both in love, even though you hardly know one another well
他让你相信你们都彼此相爱，即使你对他并不充分了解
It is true that love, at first sight, is possible. However, even people who fall in love that quickly don’t express it just as easily. As long as the partners understand both the spoken and unspoken rules of dating, they will give each other time to know the other person before making love proclamations.
一见钟情，当然是可能的。但甚至如此快速陷入爱河的人也不会这么轻易地就表达出来。只要双方都懂得关于约会的一些明确规则和潜在规则，他们就会在给出爱的宣言前给对方时间去了解彼此。
03
He seems to be extra connected to you because you both share many similarities
他似乎和你特别有共鸣因为你们有很多相同点
Any woman will be glad to see that her new boyfriend is connecting with her so soon into the relationship and the universe appears to be in favor of the union. However, how soon is too soon, and how connected is too connected?
When he claims to understand each of the memories you share with him, even the ones that he shouldn’t have had any form of similarities with, you should be worried. The more he claims to relate with everything you say, the more rushed or forced it should seem.
It is either he had been stalking you before you started talking or, he is trying to suck up to you because of what he hopes to get from you.
任何女性都会很高兴看到新男友很早就和自己有共鸣感，而且两人像是天作之合。但多么早是过早？怎样的心意相通是过度的？
当他宣称理解你告诉他的每一段回忆，甚至那些他根本不可能找到任何有相似之处的回忆，那么你就该感到担忧了。他越是宣称和你说的一切都感同身受，那么就看起来就越草率和虚伪。
要么是他在和你开始交谈之前就跟踪你，要么是他在为了自己想从你这里得到的东西而刻意迎合你。
04
He is too eager to get into your personal space from the first date
从第一次约会就过度心急地想要侵入你的个人空间
If from the first official date his behavior indicates that he wants to be in your personal space, you should see it as one of the dating warning signs to address ASAP.
For example, if he thinks holding hands and kissing right after dinner on the first date is not bad but you don’t like it, let him know. For someone else, this could be acceptable, but for others, that’s a boundary you shouldn’t cross.
如果从第一次正式约会时他的行为就透露出他想要进入你的个人空间，那么你应该将其视为一个应尽快处理的早期警示信号。
例如，如果他觉得在第一次约会晚餐后牵手和亲吻并没有问题，但你不喜欢，你要告诉他。对其他一些人，这可能是可以接受的，但对其他人，这是不能逾越的界限。
05
Overly controlling behavior
过度控制行为
Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you. And they check your phone and social media
In a healthy relationship, there is compromise and understanding around differences. Not one person controls the other person’s actions.
过度控制行为是一种常见的警示信号。试图控制你的行为、决策和想法的人更关心自己要什么而非为你着想。而且他们会查看你的手机和社交媒体。
在一段健康感情关系中，有分歧时，会有让步和理解。而非一方控制另一方的行为。
06
Constant jealousy
总是在嫉妒
It is natural to feel jealous when your partner or friend is spending a lot of time with others. However, that is not an excuse to let it cloud your judgment.
Someone who is constantly jealous of your connection with others cares more about what they want than your happiness.
当你的伴侣和朋友与他人在一起时，很自然会感到嫉妒，但这并不是让它影响你判断力的一个借口。
一个总是嫉妒你和别人关系的人，更关心自己想要的，而非你快乐与否。
07
Physical, emotional, or mental abuse
肢体、情感、精神虐待
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.
Nobody ever has the right to use you as a scapegoat for their own problems. Those should be dealt with constructively and fairly. Abuse is never an acceptable response to a problem.
肢体、情感、精神虐待是感情关系中不容否认的警示信号。肢体暴力很容易识别。但情感和精神虐待长期而言也同样具有摧毁性。而且同肢体暴力一样，精神和情感虐待也会导致PTSD。
没有人有权利将你作为他们个人问题的替罪羊。应该以有建设性的、公平的方式应对他们的这些问题。虐待是一种绝对不可接受的问题应对方式。
08
Gaslighting/煤气灯操纵
Gaslighting is a common tactic of manipulation. It is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which the manipulator will make you question your own sanity or judgments.
Victims of gaslighting are made to feel guilty regardless of whether or not they did anything wrong. Gaslighting is a clear red flag in any relationship.
煤气灯操纵是一种常见的操纵手段。这是一种隐晦且有害的情感虐待方式，操纵者会让你质疑你自己的理智和判断。
这种操纵手段的受害者无论自己是否做错，都会在施害者操纵下感到内疚。煤气灯操纵是任何人际关系中的一种明确的警示信号。
09
Codependency/病态共同依赖
Codependency and the ensuing emotional labor might not always present themselves as toxic. But codependency in relationships can be a pervasive pattern that causes issues such as emotional exhaustion and increasing mental load.
Codependency, or “relationship addiction,” happens when two people rely on each other exclusively for emotional, psychological, and even physical support. This alienates them from their other relationships and can stunt personal growth.
病态共同依赖以及其所导致的情绪劳动可能并不会表现出有毒性，但感情关系中的病态共同依赖可能会作为一种模式蔓延到各个方面，从而导致情绪疲劳和精神负担增加等问题。
*（Emotional labor is the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job. More specifically, workers are expected to regulate their emotions during interactions with customers, co-workers, clients and managers.情绪劳动是指管理个人感受和表情以符合工作对情绪的要求的这一过程。更具体而言，工作人员在和顾客、同事、客户和管理人员互动时，被期望能够管理他们的情绪。）
10
They try to push past your boundaries
他们试图侵入你的个人界限
Finding love should never mean being uncomfortable and doing things you don’t want to do. Watch out for “boundary-pushing behavior”:
Vanessa Marin, a licensed marriage and family therapist agrees that someone pressuring you to have sex is a major red flag. If you’re not interested, that’s that. Giving in to their unwanted advances now will only encourage the same boundary pushing behavior later on. If they can’t respect your boundaries this early into your relationship, you don’t want to be with them.
爱情，从来不会是意味着你感到不舒服、或者做自己不想做的事。警惕那些侵犯个人界限的行为：
Vanessa Marin，一位执照婚姻家庭心理咨询师，也认同说一些人在性方面给你施加压力，也是一种重大警示信号。如果你不感兴趣，那么就该拒绝。如果虽然不情愿但依旧屈服于对方的要求，这只会助长这种侵犯界限的行为。如果他们在这么一开始都不尊重你的个人界限，那么你是不想和这样的人在一起的。
Not all boundaries are sexual, however. Your date sharing too much personal information too soon can be a boundary-pushing red flag as well. If Sally is telling you extremely personal things over your first cup of coffee together, there could be some more serious emotional issues at play. If you ask Sally if you can buy her a drink, for example, and she declines and explains that she has a bad history with alcohol, that’s okay. But if Sally is telling you her deepest, darkest secrets just to make idle conversation, it may signal that her definition of personal boundaries is much different than yours. Her sharing things isn’t necessarily bad, but if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s definitely a red flag for you.
但并非所有界限都是和性活动相关的。你的约会对象很快就披露过多的个人信息，这也是一种侵犯个人界限的警示信号。如果Sally在你们第一次喝咖啡时就告诉了你极其隐私的事情，那么这可能意味着她存在一些更严重情绪问题。但比如说，如果你问Sally你是否可以给她买杯喝的，她拒绝了，并解释说自己在酒精方面有些不好的经历。这没关系。但如果在你们只是随便聊天时Sally就告诉了你她最深处最黑暗的秘密，这可能意味着她对个人界限的定义与你有很大差异。她分享信息，这并不一定是坏事，但如果让你感到不适，那就绝对对你而言是一个警示信号了。
11
They’re Hot and Cold/忽冷忽热
Benching is When someone you've been dating stops agreeing to meet in person but continues to contact you over message or social media.
Breadcrumbing is leading someone on with no intention of ever meeting in-person or building a real relationship
Are they wishy-washy with their affections? Do they draw away from you for long periods and seem to want you to go after them?
UGH - red flag!
Benching（做替补），是指你一直在约会的一个人不再同意见面，但依旧和你通过信息或社交媒体联系。
Breadcrumbing（面包屑），是指一直吊着一个人，但又不打算见面或建立一段真正的感情关系。
他们的爱意是不是时有时无？他们是否会长期对你冷淡，像是想让你去主动追求他？
绝对的警示信号！
12
They’re flat-out disrespectful (beyond playful, mutual teasing)
他们完全不尊重你（远非玩闹或互相开玩笑的程度）
Poking fun at each other can be cute, but there’s a line. Watch for negging or other disparaging remarks.
Also, definitely avoid anyone who uses negging as a flirting strategy. That is the worst and a giant red flag.
Disrespect can come in all shapes and sizes, though, and it’s not always easy to read. Your date may be judgmental about your appearance or lifestyle. Or they may assume things about your culture or background, regardless of what you tell them.
互相开玩笑，会很可爱，但这也有个限度。注意贬低或其他打击言辞。另外，绝对要回避那些用贬低作为一种调情策略的人。这是最差劲的，也是一个巨大的警示信号。不尊重别人，有各种各样表现形式，但并非总是容易识别。你的约会对象可能会评判你的外表或生活方式，或者无论你告诉了他们什么，他们依旧会对你的文化和背景做出假设。
13
They body-shame you
身材羞辱
They leave no stone unturned to comment on your body. Even when you are trying to enjoy a meal, they quickly call you out for having something that will make you gain more pounds. It can hurt your feelings and make you hate your body.
他们会毫无遗漏地找机会评判你的身材。甚至即使当你想要享受一顿美餐，他们也会很快批评你说你在吃很容易让你长胖的东西。这会伤害你的感受，让你憎恶自己的身体。
14
They never compromise
他们从不让步
Compromising helps maintain peace in a relationship. If your dating partner never budges, and you are always the one compromising, it is not a good thing. Eventually, you will feel tired of giving in to their wishes and never being able to have your way.
让步，有助于维系感情的稳定。但如果对方从不让步，而你却是一直在让步妥协的一方，这并非好的迹象。最终，你会厌倦不断牺牲自己想法而屈服于对方愿望。
15
They guilt-trip you into doing things
他们对你内疚操纵
A manipulative person often tries to guilt-trip you into doing things you disapprove of. When you refuse them, they try to pressurize you and scare you of the repercussions, coercing you to comply. If your date makes you do something you are not comfortable doing, it is a big sign that they are unsuitable for you.
操纵型的人通常会通过让你感到内疚，让你做自己不愿做的事。当你拒绝他们时，他们会试图对你施压，用后果来恐吓你，胁迫你服从。如果对方让你做一些你不大愿意做的事情，那么这可能就意味着他并不适合你。
16
They never listen to you
他们从来不倾听
Do they ever listen to what you say, or are they always bragging about themselves? A bad listener hardly ever asks questions, and even if they do, they do not wait to listen to what you have to say and somehow steers the conversation toward themselves.
他们是否倾听你说话？还是总是在自吹自擂？一个不懂得倾听的人几乎从不问问题，即使他问了问题，他们也不想等着听你的回答，而且会想方设法把话题引到自己身上去。
17
They never seek your opinion
他们从来不会征询你的意见
Your opinion is neither valued nor sought. They do not think highly of you and openly disregard your views and opinions. No matter who you are dating, if they make you feel unimportant, they are not worth a second of your life.
你的意见要么不被重视，要么根本就不被征询。他们并不欣赏你，而且公开贬低你的观点和意见。无论你和谁在约会，如果对方让你觉得你毫不重要，那么他们不值得你在他们身上花费你生命中的一分一秒。
18
They Never Initiate (Conversations, Intimacy, Dates)
他们从不主动（谈话、亲密、约会）
Does your partner have to be pressed to talk to you, be intimate, or go out on dates?
Reflect on how many times you have initiated conversations in the last two weeks. Were you always the one reaching out?
If you’re further on in the relationship, are you always the one that makes the first romantic move? You should both be passionate and excited about the relationship!
对方是否要被施压才会和你交谈、亲密或约会？
回想在过去两周内有多少次是你主动找他谈话。你是否总是主动的那一方？
如果你们已经在一起了很久，你是否总是在这段感情中主动的一方？一段感情中应该双方都感到激情和兴奋的！
19
He asks you to be his healer and savior
他要求你成为他的疗愈者和救世主
Be aware of your date’s expectations of you as well. Say, if Greg is looking for you to “restore his trust” in people or undo all the damage done to him by previous significant others, that’s way too much pressure on you early on.
也注意对方对你的期望。比如说，Greg期望你重建他对人类的信任，或者消除他前任们对他造成的伤害，那么这在一段恋情早期，对你来说是过于沉重的压力。
20
They’re a drama queen/king
他们是drama queen/king（戏剧女王/国王；戏精）
Some people live for drama. There are definitely “drama kings” out there as well, so the same advice applies to most any relationship. A few other ways to spot a drama queen/king:
“If they are always having some crisis that’s never their fault, if they expect you to provide constant reassurances, drain the emotional energy out of you, or they get upset at signs that you have a life outside of them, then you should ditch them immediately.”
Life is already dramatic enough, so save yourself the struggle and look for someone a little more level-headed.
一些人像是为演戏而生。他们也绝对是一个个戏精，因此同样的建议适用于几乎任何人际关系。识别一个 drama king的其他方法：
如果他们总是在经历一些危机，而且这些危机“从来都不是他们的错”；如果他们期望你不断为他们提供慰藉，耗干你的精神能量，或当发现你在他们之外也有自己的人生时他们感到不爽，那么你就该立马甩掉这样的人。
生活已经够戏剧化了，所以，没必要给自己找气受；转移目光去寻找那些较冷静理智之人。
21
They play games with you
他们只是和你玩玩
No, not the fun kind of games. Love games, dating games, pick-up games—they all lead to people wasting their time and getting hurt. Watch for those who want to use you as some sort of tool or exotic fling. Whoever you’re dating should be interested in spending time together and getting to know you, not using you for an experience, a story to tell, or for the thrill of “the chase.” If they’ve only got one foot in the pool, it’s time to climb out and dry off.
不是那种有趣的玩游戏。爱情游戏、约会游戏、搭讪游戏，这些都会让人浪费时间并受到伤害。注意那些将你作为某种工具或作为异域风情炮友的人。不管你和谁约会，对方都应该有兴趣和你在一起、了解你，而不是将你作为一种经历、一段未来会讲述的故事，或者只是为了享受“追求”过程的刺激。如果他们对这段感情心不在焉，那么现在是时候赶紧调头上岸了。
22
They show no interest in your interests (or worse, deride them)
他们对你的兴趣毫无兴趣（更有甚者，甚至贬低他们）
The early stages of a relationship are all about getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes, but that can’t happen if your date only talks, thinks and cares about themselves. Many of you pointed out this obvious red flag, but selfishness can actually manifest a lot of different ways.
For example, your cute date Lola might shrug off the things that matter to you, all the while expecting you to show interest in the things she likes. Or Lola won’t stop bragging and talking about herself, and when she does give you a chance to talk she’s just waiting for a chance to cut back in.
一段感情的早期阶段主要是围绕着了解对方的喜好和讨厌事物，但如果对方只谈论自己、想着自己、在乎自己，那么这就无法实现。你们很多人都曾指出这一明显的警示信号，但实际上自私，可以表现为很多不同的方式。
例如，你可爱的约会对象Lola可能对你在乎的事情不屑一顾，但同时又期望你对她的爱好感兴趣。或者Lola不停地自吹自擂谈论自己，而且，即使当她给你机会说话时，她也不过是在等机会插入谈话而已。
Maybe Lola doesn’t have any presence whatsoever, constantly glancing at her phone or getting distracted and losing track of the conversation. Perhaps worst of all, Lola does have nice things to say, but only about your appearance, or your possessions and doesn’t show any interest in getting to know you personally. A compliment is nice, but nothing but compliments makes it obvious what they’re after. You hear those trumpets? It’s a red flag raising ceremony.
可能 Lola心思根本就不在这里，不断玩手机或者分心，完全没有在跟上谈话节奏。可能更糟糕的是，Lola的确有一些赞美之词，但只是关于你的外表或你的财富，而且根本对了解你这个人不感兴趣。一次赞美的确是很好的，但只是一味赞美，就让他们的动机昭然若揭了。你听到号声了吗？这简直就是红旗警示信号的升旗仪式啊！
23
They do not support your dreams
他们不支持你的梦想
You tell them you wish to work independently someday, and all they do is laugh. You tell them how you dreamt of becoming an astronaut growing up, and they remind you of your low grades in school. Forget encouragement; they never take your dreams or ambitions in life seriously. They offer no support and instead dissuade you by often mocking you.
你告诉他们你期望有天能自己单干，他们做的只是嘲笑。你告诉他们你小时候曾梦想做个宇航员，他们提醒你你当时成绩可不大好。不仅没有鼓励，他们甚至从来没有把你的梦想或志向当真。他们没有任何支持，而且甚至还通过嘲笑你来试图劝退你。
24
They cancel plans without prior notification
不提前通知就取消计划
They often agree to your plans, but then cancel them at the last moment. When you confront them, they shrug and say they were not in the mood or they wanted to watch something on TV. They don’t even try to come up with a good excuse and have no problem hurting your feelings.
他们通常会同意你的计划，但之后会在最后一刻取消他们。当你质问他们时，他们会耸耸肩说自己心情不好或想看电视。他们甚至都懒得找一个好的借口，也毫不在意是否会伤害你的感受。
25
They take hours to reply to your text
隔好几个小时才回复你的信息
You tirelessly type long messages, but all they can reply to you is a ‘hmm.’ If this happens with you often, know that they do not have the same feelings for you.
你不知疲倦地发送很长信息，但他们的回复只是一个简单的“嗯”。如果这经常发生，你要明白他们对你并没有和你对他们相同的感觉。
26
They press you to change yourself
他们要求你改变自己
When you started seeing each other, they seemed to love everything about you, but now, they nitpick about even the most trivial things. They feel irritated by the way you laugh, dress, walk, and even breathe. If they often press you to change yourself, then be sure that they are not suitable for you.
当你们开始约会时，他们似乎喜欢你的一切，但现在，他们处处吹毛求疵。你笑的样子、穿着方式、走路方式甚至呼吸方式都让他们看不惯。如果他们经常要求你改变你自己，那么就要知道他们并不适合你。
27
They never apologize
他们从不道歉
It does not matter if you are wrong or right; you are always the one apologizing. This is because you value them and want to maintain peace. However, refusing to admit their mistakes shows that their ego has a place higher than you in their life.
无论你是对是错，你总是道歉的那一方。这是因为你重视他们，想要维系感情稳定。但对方决绝承认错误，这表示在他们心中，他们自己的ego（面子）比你还要重要。
28
They have separate rules/双标
You are not allowed to hang out with friends, but they can drink even during the week. You have to keep them notified of your whereabouts, but they never bother to inform you even when working late. When the rules apply only to you, it suggests you don’t matter to them.
你不能和朋友出去玩，但他们在工作日甚至和可以和朋友去喝酒。你必须时刻告知对方你的行踪，但他们即使加班很晚也懒得告诉你一声。当规则只是施加于你一个人，这意味着你对他们而言并不重要。
29
They make too many demands
他们提出太多的强硬要求
They demand you to do stuff instead of requesting you. They order you to stop wearing a certain type of clothes or avoid meeting people they don’t like. In short, they dictate your life.
他们强硬要求你做事情，而非带着请求的态度。他们命令你不要再穿某种类型的衣服，不要再见某些他们不喜欢的人。简而言之，他们控制着你的生活。
30
He doesn’t seem to have anything meaningful to contribute to the conversation
他们对谈话没有任何有价值的贡献
The point of going on dates is to have a conversation that will help you get to know one another more than you already do. Communication will play a major role in the relationship if you decide to become partners. However, there is a problem when you are only having a one-sided conversation.
If your partner always lets you do the talking or only comments at his convenience, then what’s the point of having a conversation? You don’t want to be with someone who makes you feel like you talk too much when he is the one not saying anything meaningful in return.
约会的目的，是彼此交谈，互相进一步了解。如果你们想要建立关系，那么沟通就是很重要的要素。但如果你们都只是单方面谈话，那么就存在问题了。
如果对方总是让你聊，而且只是在自己随口评论两句，那么，这种谈话的意义是什么呢？你不需要和一个总是让你不断说话但自己却不提供任何有意义信息的人在一起。
31
He doesn’t allow you to ask him questions even though he is swamping you with enough questions to last the duration of the date
整个约会过程中，他不允许你问他问题，但却不断向你提问题
When a man doesn’t allow you to ask a question even though he had been asking numerous ones throughout the night (or day) during your first date, you better see it as a red flag. It is either he doesn’t trust what you’ve told him so far about yourself or he is trying to deflect any question you may want to ask about him.
当在首次约会中，一个人不允许你问他问题，但却在整个过程中向你提出无数的问题，那么你最好将此视为一个警示信号。要么是他不相信你告诉他的关于你自己的信息，要么是他在刻意回避你可能会想要问他的各种问题。
32
He uses an endearment for you on the first date
第一次约会就用亲昵称呼
Many people find it insulting to be referred to as ‘sweetheart, darling or honey' by someone they don’t know too well.
Even if you’re very much attracted to the man, it probably won’t sit well with you if he addresses you by an endearment—especially if you’re not familiar with each other.
很多人觉得被一些自己不熟的人称为“甜心”、“亲爱的”，是很具有侮辱性的。
即使你非常喜欢这个男人，但如果他用亲昵称呼来称呼你，尤其是你们还不熟悉的前提下，你很可能也会觉得很难接受。
33
Makes last-minute changes and ditches a prior meeting just to see you
为了见你临时取消已经定好的计划
While it is easy to get flattered by this seemingly selfless action, what happens when he does the same to you? It is not chivalry to abandon an earlier plan for someone else on a whim, especially when it happens too often.
虽然这种无私行为很容易让人自我感觉很好，但当他取消的是和你之间的计划时，会怎么办呢？很随性地为了某个人就放弃之前定好的计划，这并非骑士精神，尤其是这种情况频发时。
34
They always find fault with you
他们总是在挑你的毛病
No matter what you do or how well you do it, they always find some fault with it. They are never happy with anything you do. What they claim to be constructive criticism can prove destructive for your self-confidence.
无论你做什么，无论你做得多好，他们总是能找出毛病。他们对你做得任何事情都从不满意。他们口中所说的“建设性批评”最终只会对你的自信具有破坏性。
35
Negatively affecting your relationship with family and friends
破坏你和家人朋友的关系
For many of us, our family and friends provide an important sense of community. It’s a major red flag if someone in your life is negatively affecting your relationship with those you love. Healthy relationships should never come at the cost of other healthy relationships.
对我们很多人而言，朋友家人给我们提供了一种重要的社群感。如果你生命中有人破坏你和你所爱之人之间的关系，那么这就是一个重大的警示信号。健康的感情关系从来都不应该以其他的健康人际关系为代价。
Don’t let one red flag scare you off
不要被一个警示信号吓退
Red flags are generally bad, yes, but you also can’t just give up every time you see one. That won’t get you very far. Everyone has flaws, yourself included, and people deserve second chances to show you whether they’re really raising a red flag, or they just haven’t opened up to you yet. They may have been really nervous the first time they met you. Or maybe they acted selfishly at first because they wanted to impress you. Go beyond the first, awkward coffee date and try to get to know someone.
警示信号通常是不好的，这的确，但也不要每次看到一个就立马放弃，否则你的感情之路都不会有很大进展。每个人都有缺陷，你也一样，而且人们值得被给予第二次机会，向你证明他们是否的确是举起了一个警示信号，还是只是没有充分向你敞开心扉。可能他们第一次见你时真的很紧张，也或者他们第一次见你行为表现得自私是因为他们想给你留下深刻印象。在第一次尴尬的咖啡约会之后，给对方机会，试图进一步了解对方。
That red flag you noticed might not actually be red in the right light. Or you might realize they have so many, good qualities that you don’t care if they’re not into the same things you’re into, or you don’t like how they handle their money. You might want to give someone a few dates before you pull the plug.
Obviously if they’re really bad, or showing any of the more blaring warning signs we mentioned, don’t waste your time with them. However, if you only notice a few red flags, or they’re not glaring, they may be a product of nervousness or circumstance. Give them a chance to relax and get comfortable being themselves around you. Keep your eye out, but don’t abandon ship every time you see one flapping in the wind.
你所注意到的警示信号可能在适当情形下并非信号。也或者你可能觉得他们有那么多优良品质，因此你也不在乎他们是否和你有同样的兴趣或者是否赞同对方的消费方式。在你彻底拒绝之前，你可能需要给对方几次约会的机会。很明显，如果他们真的很差劲，或展现出我们上面提到的更严重的警示信号，那么就不要在他们身上浪费自己的时间。但如果你只是注意到少量警示信号，或者这些警示信号不那么严重，那么可能是因为当时对方紧张或当时具体情形所导致。给他们一个在你身边能感到放松、自在的机会。有警惕意识，但没必要每次看到有警示旗在空中飘荡时就弃船而逃。
How to approach red flags in a relationship
面对感情关系中的警示信号该如何应对
Like with any delicate social situation, addressing red flags in a relationship requires:
同其他任何微妙的社交情形一样，在感情中应对警示信号，也需要：
Tact/策略
Honesty/坦诚
Self-care /自我关怀
Taking care of yourself should be a top priority in life. If a relationship is coming between you and your happiness, something needs to change.
If you notice some red flags in your relationship, here’s how to approach them.
关怀自己，应该是人生中一个最重要事项。如果一段感情关系阻碍了你的幸福，那么就需要做出一些改变了。
如果你在感情关系中注意到了一些警示信号，那么以下是应对方式：
- Acknowledge your own needs
认可自己的需求
You should never have to sacrifice your own needs for someone else’s. Yes, compromise is healthy. But it isn't worth it if it comes at the cost of your happiness and subjective well-being.
Acknowledge your needs with a self-care plan. This can give you insight into what you really want out of life. And it can encourage you to speak up and be more direct about important relationship changes.
你绝不应该必须别人的需求而牺牲自己的需求。是的，让步，是健康的，但如果是以你的幸福和主观健康幸福感为代价，那么就不值得这样做。
通过自我关怀计划，认可个人需求。这会让你深入洞察你真正想从人生中得到什么。而且它可以鼓励你在感情关系重大变化方面为自己发声、更果断直接。
- Communicate/沟通
Communication is at the center of all healthy relationship dynamics. Without the freedom to express how you feel, very little progress can happen.
Sometimes, a partner or friend is unaware of how their actions affect you. You need to communicate with them openly before any changes can happen.
沟通是所有健康感情关系模式的核心。如果不能自由表达你的感受，那几乎就不会有任何进展。
有时，一个伴侣和朋友可能意识不到他们的行为对你产生了怎样的影响。在使改变发生之前，你需要开诚布公和他们沟通。
- Avoid being overly emotional
避免过度情绪化
There is nothing wrong with having or expressing feelings. But not using the right emotional regulation skills can cloud your judgment and trigger irrational responses.
When tackling a difficult subject within your relationship, maintaining a calm mentality can help you reach a solution as effectively and kindly as possible.
拥有或表达感受，这并无问题，但如果不采用正确的情绪管理技巧，则可能会影响你的判断力，引发对方不理性的应对方式。
当处理感情中的一个棘手问题时，保持冷静思维方式，可以让你们尽可能以有效且温和的方式达成解决方案。
- Seek professional help
寻求专业帮助
There’s only so much effort you can put in before you need external support.
Clinical psychologists and social workers are there to help people going through difficult stages and phases of life.
If you are dealing with an issue within your relationship and feel under-equipped to handle it, seeking professional help can make a tremendous difference.
你自己能做的，是有限度的。如果解决不了问题，就需要外部帮助。
临床心理学家和社会工作者会帮助人们度过人生困难阶段。
如果你在应对感情中的某个问题但觉得自己不足以应付，那么寻求专业帮助，会带来巨大变化。
- Be honest with yourself
对自己坦诚
Managing a series of red flags with your friend or partner is going to be much more challenging if you are not honest with yourself.
Conflict resolution is easier if everyone involved is being open and honest about how they really feel. Be honest with yourself, and don’t shy away from the truth.
如果你对自己都不坦诚，那么管理来自朋友或伴侣的一系列警示信号，将会变得更加困难。
在一场冲突中，如果相关人员都彼此坦诚告知自己的真实感受，那么就能更轻松地解决这一冲突。
对自己坦诚 ，不要逃避真实情况。
- Set boundaries
设定界限
Setting boundaries is one of the most important parts of a healthy human connection, regardless of whether it is with a friend, colleague, family member, or significant other.
We all need boundaries to protect ourselves and keep our relationships as sustainable as possible. You should clearly state your needs, boundaries, and deal-breakers with a loved one.
For example, if your colleague is demanding, don't be afraid to put down your foot and ask for some personal space.
设定界限，是一段健康人际关系中最重要的部分之一，无论是友情关系、同事关系、家人关系或爱情关系。
我们都需要个人界限来保护自己，维护感情关系的可持续性。
你应该向对方明确陈述自己的需求、界限和你最不允许的事情。
例如，如果你的同事总是提出苛刻要求，不要害怕坚定自己立场，要求对方给与自己个人空间。
- Reconnect with friends or family
与朋友家人重建联系
Whether it is a friendship, a work relationship, or a romantic one, negative relationships can be isolating. The more isolated you are, the harder it is to have perspective on yourself or see alternatives.
Although a bad relationship can strain your other relationships, spending time with the people who have known you for a long time can help you reconnect with your core values. Seek out people whom you respect and trust, even if you've been out of touch for awhile. Let them know that you miss and value their friendship.
Spending time with others can help you feel accepted and supported and remind you of your strengths.
无论是友情、工作关系或爱情关系，负面的人际关系可能会让人与世界脱离。你越与世界脱离，就越难以客观视角看待自己或其他可能选项。
尽管一段负面的人际关系会让你的其他人际关系变得紧张，但与和你相识已很久的人待在一起，可以帮助你重新找到你的核心价值观。找出那些你尊重和信任的人，即使你们已经有很长一段时间没有联系。让他们知道你怀念并重视他们的友谊。
和其他人共度一些时光，有助于让你感到被接纳、被支持，并让你重新意识到自己的长处和优势。
- Know when to leave
知道何时离开
Not all relationships are meant to last. While this can be a difficult truth to accept, understanding the importance of leaving a destructive relationship is the ultimate act of self-care.
You can’t reach your full potential if you are stuck in a relationship that drains your energy and prevents you from growing, doing your best, or finding joy. Have the courage to cut ties with toxic individuals and focus instead on repairing your relationship with yourself.
并非所有的感情关系都会持久的。尽管这可能是个严酷真相，但理解离开一段摧毁型感情关系的重要性，是自我关怀的终极举动。
如果你困在一段消耗你能量、阻止你成长、阻止你全力以赴、阻止你找到快乐的感情中，那么你就无法发掘出个人的最大潜力。有勇气摆脱毒性之人，聚焦于修复自己与自己之间的关系。
文章来源：
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/modern-sex/202301/5-things-about-dating-i-wish-i-knew-sooner
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/red-flags/
https://www.verywellmind.com/10-red-flags-in-relationships-5194592
https://lifehacker.com/the-red-flags-to-look-out-for-when-you-start-dating-som-1758382710
https://edlatimore.com/red-flags-in-men/
https://www.betterup.com/blog/red-flags-in-a-relationship
https://www.beautyepic.com/red-flags-in-dating/
https://hernorm.com/dating-red-flags/
