科研成果
Coco有话说

中国已进入人口老龄化社会，人们对老年人心理健康和社会互动的关注也越来越多。研究表明，积极参与社会互动能够有效缓解老年人的孤独感，提升幸福感。但是，我们或许也会发现，身边有的老年人并不愿意参加社会互动，喜欢“宅”在家中；有的老年人的社会互动看似不太积极，比如过度相信不良导购以至于过量购买“保健品”等。那么，该如何促进老年人的积极社会互动呢？我们实验室从元刻板印象角度进行了一项研究，希望对促进老年人的积极社会互动有所启发。该研究成果发表于国内发展与教育心理学最高学术期刊《心理发展与教育》上，该刊位居2020年国内心理学学术期刊影响因子第一名。该研究也在中国老龄社会峰会青年学术论文征集活动中，获得老龄社会30人论坛和盘古智库老龄社会研究中心论文评审二等奖。

随着我国进入人口老龄化阶段，以年龄划分群体的现象越来越严重，随之而来的是人们对老年人群体的刻板印象也越来越明显。正如2019年央视春晚上展示的老年人购买虚假保健品的小品那样，人们对老年人群体的刻板印象影响着他们与老年人的交流和互动。

然而，从老年人的角度说，影响他们与其他群体互动意愿的，是他们所认为的别的群体对他们的看法，即“元刻板印象”。本研究就是想探讨老年人参与社会互动的意愿，如何受到他们的元刻板印象的影响，并为有效帮助老年人提供一些建议。

要回答这个问题，首先要知道，在老年人心目中社会大众是怎样看待他们的。在预实验中，我们访谈了北京和福州两地的共35名60岁以上的老年人，让他们填写或通过口述的方式回答，社会大众经常用来形容老年人的词汇。经过同义词合并后，我们得到了32个特征词，以10%的提名比例为标准，最终提取出23个老年人元刻板印象的形容词，词频统计见表1。

从表1可以看出，老年人所提名的消极词的数量多于积极词。但值得注意的是，这些积极词和消极词并不能作为正反义词一一对应。消极词大多集中于能力与开放性方面，如记忆力差，学习能力不足，落伍等；而积极词大多集中于品质方面，如勤劳、节俭、细致等。

在正式实验中，我们发现，老年人在消极和积极元刻板印象上的平均得分不同（M消极 = 2.58，SD消极 = 0.64；M积极 = 2.97，SD积极 = 0.67），说明提名数量的多少并不能代表他们心中对此的认同程度。

接着，我们从老年人作为社会互动的接受方与发出方，探究了他们的元刻板印象对其接受其他群体帮助的意愿，以及为其他群体提供帮助的意愿和参与社会活动的频率这三个方面的影响。

依据前人的研究，将帮助划分为自主定向与依赖定向两种，前者指为受助者提供解决问题的方法而非直接帮助他们解决问题，为老年人提供方便他们的生活环境，减小他们自主生活的麻烦等；后者指直接为他们提供解决问题的答案，而无助于他们后续自主解决类似的问题，比如直接请人给他们做饭、做事。尽管有研究发现接受社会帮助能使老年人感受到社会支持，但并非所有帮助都能带给人愉快的体验。对于一些低能力的群体而言，有时给他们提供依赖定向的帮助反而会伤害他们的自尊心，进一步削弱他们的能力感。

我们的结果发现，老年人的积极元刻板印象能正向预测其接受自主定向帮助和依赖定向帮助的意愿，并由此带来积极的受助体验；而消极元刻板印象仅能预测其接受自主定向帮助的意愿，且带来消极的受助体验（图1，图2）。

不但如此，我们还发现，在控制了老年人退休前工作类型、身体状况和文化程度以后，积极元刻板印象也能显著正向预测他们通过参加志愿活动等方式对其他群体提供帮助的意愿，以及参与文体活动、旅游、继续工作、兴趣学习等社会活动的频率；而消极元刻板印象虽然负向预测他们的社会参与和施助意愿，但并不显著（见表2）。

总体而言，我们的研究发现，老年人的积极元刻板印象有利于他们的社会互动，不仅会让他们更乐于接受外群体的帮助，产生良好的受助体验，也会让他们更主动地帮助外群体，参与各种社会活动。

另外，虽然老年人所提名的其他群体描述他们的消极词数量较多，但老年人对积极元刻板印象词汇的评分却比消极词汇要高，且积极元刻板印象对其社会互动的影响也比消极元刻板印象的更加显著。这意味着，即使老年人很难否认其他群体对其抱有消极看法，但只要他们同时认为其他群体也认可他们的独特优点，就会更加积极地参与社会互动。

这为我们今后更好地服务老年人提供了启示：

首先，应该帮助老年人更多看到社会认可他们的积极方面，肯定并强化老年人的独特价值感。例如，前面说到的春晚小品《儿子来了》中展现了老年人容易受骗，听不进道理的形象，虽有一定警示意义，但也有可能使社会和老年人自己都强化了对老年人消极的印象。在今后的演出和影视剧作品中，也可尝试塑造更多积极的老年人形象，使老年人感受到社会同样认可其积极的一面。

其次，在为老年人提供帮助时，应注意营造便利他们自主生活的环境，减少他们自主生活的麻烦，而非一概地大包大揽替他们做所有的事。例如，在抗疫环境中，由于有些老人没有使用智能手机，也就不能获取健康码。医院、公共交通等老年人常去的地方就设置了一体机，使老年人通过刷身份证来获取相关信息。这样的方式既有利于满足他们的自主性需求，也有利于帮助他们建立积极的自我认同，也方便有关部门获得必要的安全信息。

第三，在激励老年人积极参加社会互动时，与其努力试图否认他们的消极元刻板印象，还不如努力利用他们的积极元刻板印象。例如虚心向他们请教有关生活经验，表扬他们的勤劳节俭细心，安排他们做一些力所能及的事情，和善地对待他们，使他们感到来自其他群体的温暖。

作者简介：

本研究第一作者林之萱现就读于香港中文大学心理系
第二作者杨莹为华东师范大学晨晖学者

参考文献：

林之萱,杨莹 & 寇彧.(2020).老年人的元刻板印象及其对社会互动的影响. 心理发展与教育(06),686-693. doi:10.16187/j.cnki.issn1001-4918.2020.06.06.

推文作者：林之萱
插图：林之萱
编辑：彭重昊
排版：彭重昊
本文由亲社会实验室原创，欢迎转发至朋友圈，如需转载请联系后台，征得作者同意后方可转载

科研成果
Coco有话说

每个人都有自己的生活目标，有人想追求健康，有人想追求享受，有人想追求利他，有人想追求自由，等等。而在这些纷繁的生活目标背后，存在着两种截然不同的目标取向，即内在生活目标和外在生活目标。由于两种生活目标取向决定了个体实现目标的动机导向，因而对个体的行为造成了不同的影响。这样的影响对于青少年个体尤为关键。本期推文将介绍我们实验室的一项研究，大家一起来看看青少年的内外生活目标与其不道德行为之间的关系。希望有关人员能够关注青少年健康生活目标取向的培养。

青少年正处于建立和发展自我认同的关键时期。这一阶段青少年的生理结构、认知能力和社会角色等各个方面都在急速变化与发展，他们也在探索自我与他人的关系、个人与群体的关系、人类与自然的关系中逐步形成了自己的生活目标。

生活目标是个体期望用一生实现的长期目标和价值，可分为两种不同的生活目标取向，内在生活目标指个体追求自我成长、人际归属、社会责任等内在需求的满足；而外在生活目标指个体对金钱、外貌和社会认可等外在价值的追求。

青少年表现出的不道德行为某种程度上反映了青少年对生活目标的不同追求。以往研究发现，追求内在生活目标的人更关心他人或公共利益，也更容易做出环保消费、捐助慈善组织等有利于他人福祉的行为；相反，追求外在生活目标的个体则更关注个人利益，也更容易欺骗他人，也有更多的考试作弊行为等。根据上述分析，我们假设内在生活目标取向与青少年的不道德行为负相关，而外在生活目标取向与青少年的不道德行为正相关。

生活目标取向为什么与不道德行为有关呢？

道德推脱是指个体在认知和情感上为自己的不道德行为进行开脱与辩护的认知策略，道德推脱的个体会通过道德辩护、委婉标签、有利比较、责任转移、责任分散、忽视或扭曲结果、去人性化和责备归因等八种策略来合理化自己的不道德行为。道德推脱策略既可以使个体摆脱不道德行为所带来的自我否定，又可以为不道德行为所造成的恶劣后果寻找借口。以往研究发现，青少年的道德推脱水平越高，他们就越有可能做出损害他人利益的不道德行为，比如攻击行为、同伴欺凌等。

另一方面，生活目标可能也会影响青少年的道德推脱。持外在生活目标者更看重金钱、名利等，他们在追求个人利益时会更不择手段，同时为了避免社会规范的惩罚以及不道德行为带来的内疚与自我否定，他们往往会利用道德推脱策略来为自己开脱。而追求内在生活目标的个体更看重内在价值的实现和自我成长，他们不太可能为了一时的利益而进行道德推脱，更不会合理化自身的不道德行为。据此，我们推测，内外生活目标对不道德行为的预测是通过道德推脱中介的。

为了验证上述推论，我们对三个城市的3000余名高中生进行了问卷调查。研究发现，青少年的内在生活目标对不道德行为具有抑制作用，而外在生活目标对不道德行为具有正向预测作用；而且，内外生活目标对不道德行为的抑制和预测作用，都是通过道德推脱所中介的；此外，我们还发现，道德推脱对不道德行为的正向预测作用在男生中比在女生中更明显。

图 内外生活目标预测不道德行为的中介模型，控制了性别、年龄和社会赞许性。

这项研究结果给我们的启示是：

青少年越追求外在生活目标，就越容易在追求名利的过程中迷失自我，更会为了自身私利不择手段，这导致他们更容易使用道德推脱策略，比如把他人视作获取利益的工具，进而更有可能做出不道德行为。

而当青少年追求内在生活目标时，可能会更看重个人成长和社会责任感，对自己往往也有更高的道德要求，更遵循社会道德规则，也能够清晰认识到违规后所带来的惩罚成本，所以更不可能借助道德推脱策略来合理不道德行为，更不愿意做出损人利己的不道德行为。

研究还发现道德推脱对不道德行为的正向预测作用在男生中更为明显。相对于女生，男生更可能进行道德推脱，进而做出更多的不道德行为。这可能是由于：从微观层面看，一方面，男生比女生更不容易产生内疚情绪，更容易为自己开脱；另一方面，女生在青春期的共情能力比男生更强，女生更能体会到不道德行为受害者的痛苦情绪，因此更不愿意采用道德推脱策略和实施不道德行为给他人造成伤害。

从宏观层面看，社会期望对男性有更高的地位要求与物质要求，这可能给青少年男孩带来了一定的生活压力，同时，社会对男性的违规宽容度也可能更高，可能影响到青春期男孩使用道德推脱的动机。

虽然本研究采用的是横断研究设计，不能完全得到内外生活目标与青少年不道德行为之间的因果关系，以及道德推脱在其中的中介机制。但是本研究结果对于青少年的道德教育具有一定的意义。社会、学校和家庭在为青少年营造更宽松和激励的成长环境的同时，也应引导他们树立积极的生活目标，在日常生活中鼓励和强化他们形成重视自我成长、强调社会责任感与人际归属的内在目标。

我们之前的研究发现，良好的亲子关系有助于青少年发展内在生活目标（科研成果 | 亲子依恋与青少年社会支配倾向的关系）；另一方面，也应鼓励青少年重视道德规范、关注道德榜样，帮助他们形成正确的道德认同，进而抑制道德推脱策略的使用，使其避免成长环境中不道德行为的诱惑。

参考文献：
郭震, 赵宇迪, 姚小喃, 寇彧*. (2020). 生活目标对青少年不道德行为的影响：道德推脱的中介作用. 青年研究, (6), 34–42.

推文作者：郭震
插图：郭震
编辑：彭重昊
排版：彭重昊
本文由亲社会实验室原创，欢迎转发至朋友圈，如需转载请联系后台，征得作者同意后方可转载

KEY POINTS

People with an external locus of control believe that forces outside them are responsible for the events in their life.

具有外部控制点的人认为他们人生中的事件是由外部力量控制的。

Those with an internal locus of control believe that their personal decisions and efforts guide much of their lives.

具有内部控制点的人认为他们的人生在很大程度上是由他们的个人决策和努力引导的。

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, you may benefit from understanding your own orientation and how it may shape your behavior.

无论在这一谱段上你处于什么位置，了解个人控制点倾向以及它对你的行为的影响方式，都可能会让你受益。

My daughter had just pulled the caramel corn out of the oven, and the sticky-sweet smell was almost irresistible. Despite knowing it wasn’t going to help my diet, I was gnawing for a taste. But instead of kindly asking for a small bite, as I should have, I barked, “Damn this caramel corn!”

我女儿刚从烤箱里拿出焦糖爆米花，粘粘的香甜气味几乎令人无法抗拒。尽管知道这对我的节食计划无益，我依旧忍不住一尝美味。这种情况我本应礼貌地询问是否可以吃一小口，但我并没这么做，而是大叫到：“该死的焦糖爆米花！”

Cursing my daughter’s hard work earned me a scowl, and, if I’m honest with myself, didn’t set a good example for how a grown-up should handle himself. It wasn’t my daughter’s responsibility to manage what I put in my mouth, and it certainly wasn’t the caramel corn’s. Still, I blamed the caramel corn for tempting me, instead of taking responsibility for my urges.

这一对我女儿辛苦劳动成果的咒骂引来了她对我的皱眉。而且，老师说，在成年人如何控制自我行为方面，我也并没有给女儿树立一个好的榜样。监管我把什么东西放进嘴里，这并非我女儿的责任，也肯定不是焦糖爆米花的责任。但我却指责是爆米花引诱了我，而非为自己的冲动负责。

Your reaction to life events—specifically how you explain them—significantly affects your life outcomes.

你对人生事件的反应，具体来说你如何解释它们，对你的人生结果产生着重大影响。

Of course, there’s a continuum—nobody thinks their life is 100 percent under their control. But our orientation toward what we believe influences our life has a profound impact on us.

当然，这是一个连续谱段，没有人认为自己的人生100%在自己控制之中。但我们的这种认知倾向却对我们具有深刻影响。

Psychologists refer to this concept as a “locus of control,” a term psychologist Julian Rotter coined in the 1960s.

心理学家将这一概念称为“控制点”，这一名称由 Julian Rotter于上世纪60年代提出。

People with an external locus of control believe that forces outside them—fate, luck, circumstances, caramel corn—are responsible for the events of their lives.

具有外部控制点的人认为外界因素，比如命运、运气、境遇、焦糖爆米花等，对他们的人生事件负责。

In contrast, those who perceive an internal locus of control believe that their personal decisions and efforts guide much of their lives.

而与之相对，具有内部控制点的人认为他们的人生在很大程度上是由他们的个人决策和努力引导的。

Interestingly, you could have an external locus of control about one area of your life but an internal locus of control about another: You may believe your health is completely genetic, uninfluenced by your choices, but think the success of your career is a direct result of your hard work.

有趣的是，你可能会在人生某个领域具有外部控制点，而在另一领域具有内部控制点。你可能认为你的健康是完全由基因决定的，并不受你的个人选择的影响，但同时也认为你的事业成功是你个人努力的结果。

How does your locus of control affect your behavior?
你的控制点类型对你的行为有何影响？

If you think finding a partner is up to fate, you may not feel the need to actively seek, meet, and get to know new people. But if you think you have control over it, you may try harder to put yourself out there. In professional contexts, if you think a promotion is largely outside of your control, you won’t be driven to pursue it. If you see it as a result of your efforts, you’re more likely to endeavor to deliver good work.

如果你认为是否能够找到伴侣完全取决于命运，那么可能你就觉得自己不需要主动去寻找、邂逅和了解新的朋友。但如果你觉得这在自己控制范围内，你可能就会更努力地去主动寻找。在职业场合中，如果你觉得晋升在很大程度上不受自己控制，那么可能你就不会有争取晋升的驱动力。如果你认为它由你的个人努力而决定，那么你就更可能会努力做出更好的工作成果。

Countless studies have demonstrated the importance of locus of control in determining numerous life outcomes.

不计其数的研究都展示了控制点在决定众多人生结果方面的重要性。

For example, the perception that 10-year-olds have of their own agency has been shown to significantly predict their health outcomes in their thirties, including obesity, overall health, and psychological distress; those with a more internal locus of control in childhood have a reduced risk of poor health later on. Internal locus of control is also associated with psychological well-being, academic, and professional success.

例如，一个十岁小孩对个人主观能动性的观点已经被显示会在很大程度上预测他们在30岁时候的健康结果，其中包括过度肥胖、整体健康和心理痛苦感等。在童年时期更偏向于内部控制点的人在人生后期健康风险相对较低。内部控制点同时还与心理健康幸福、学业成就以及职业成就相关。

However, there is no “correct” locus of control, even though studies generally suggest that having an internal locus of control is advantageous. Both extremes can present disadvantages.

但是，并没有“正确”的控制点。尽管研究通常认为内部控制点要更有益。两种极端都会带来不利。

Wherever you fall on the spectrum, you may benefit from understanding your own orientation and how it may shape your behavior.

无论在这一谱段上你处于什么位置，了解个人控制点倾向以及它对你的行为的影响方式，都可能会让你受益。

Discover your locus of control
发现自己的控制点

Rotter’s full Locus of Control Scale is a 29-item questionnaire (PDF). But to get a quick sense of where you fall on the spectrum, consider which group of statements below resonates more with you.
Rotter的《控制点量表》是一份包含29个问题的问卷

（https://arc.psych.wisc.edu/self-report/locus-of-control-scale-lcs/）。

但想要快速了解你在这一谱段上的位置，思考下面哪组陈述更引起你的共鸣。

Internal locus of control:
内部控制点：

In my case, getting what I want has little or nothing to do with luck.

It is impossible for me to believe that chance or luck plays an important role in my life.

People are lonely because they don’t try to be friendly.

In the long run, people get the respect they deserve in this world.

There is a direct connection between how hard I study and the grades I get.

对我而言，心愿的实现与运气无关或几乎无关。

几乎不可能让我相信偶然因素或运气在我的人生中扮演着重要角色。

人们之所以孤独，是因为他们不愿展现出友好态度。

长远来看，人们终究会得到他们在这个世界所值得拥有的尊重。

我的学习努力程度与成绩成正比。

External locus of control:
外部控制点：

Many times we might just as well decide what to do by flipping a coin.

Many times I feel that I have little influence over the things that happen to me.

There’s not much use in trying too hard to please people; if they like you, they like you.

Unfortunately, an individual’s worth often passes unrecognized, no matter how hard they try.

Sometimes I can’t understand how teachers arrive at the grades they give.

很多时候，通过掷硬币来做决定也无妨；

很多时候我感觉我对发生在我身上的事几乎无影响力。

过于努力地去取悦他人，并没有多大用处。如果他们喜欢你，他们就会喜欢你。

很不幸，一个人的价值通常会不被认可，不管他们多么努力。

有时我想不通老师们怎么给我这样的分数。

Understanding the strengths and weaknesses of your locus of control
了解个人控制点类型的优势和劣势

Psychologists generally agree that, although our locus of control is largely established through experiences of reward and punishment when we are children, it is a flexible construct that can change throughout our life. However, not much research has been done on targeted interventions to change one's locus of control. Even so, we can notice how our locus of control may affect our life, and we can strive to reduce any negative effects it may have.

心理学家普遍认同：尽管我们的控制点很大程度上通过我们在童年时期时的奖励惩罚经历而形成，但它并非一成不变，可能会在人生过程中发生变化。但在“通过定向干预改变个人控制点类型”方面，尚无很多研究。即使如此，我们依旧可以识别我们的控制点对人生可能产生的影响，而且我们可以努力降低其可能产生的负面影响。

If you have an external locus of control
如果你具有外部控制点：

Good news: If you have a more external orientation, you may be both more willing to let things go and better at sharing work with others. On the other hand, you may feel less motivated to put time and effort into tasks since they feel beyond your control.

好消息：如果你倾向于外部控制点，那么你可能更愿意对事物释怀，而且更擅于与他人合作完成工作。但另一方面，你可能不大会主动付出时间精力去完成任务，因为你觉得它们并不受你的控制。

Here are a few strategies to make sure your locus of control doesn’t get in your way:
以下是一些确保你的控制点不会阻碍你发展的一些策略：

01

Practice accountability
为自己行为负责：

When something happens——good or bad——step back and think through what part you played in it.Identify both the contributing external and internal forces.

当有事发生时，无论好坏，都退后一步，思考自己在其中扮演着怎样的角色。既找出外部影响因素，也找出内部（自身）影响因素。

02

Catch external-oriented thoughts and challenge them
捕捉倾向于外部控制点的思维，并质疑它们。

When you find yourself blaming something bad on external forces or crediting luck for your success, be mindful of the stories you’re telling yourself and reassess your own role in these outcomes.

当你发现自己将某件不好的事情归咎于外部因素，或者将自身成功归因于运气时，注意审视你告诉自己的这些故事，并重新评估你在这些结果中所扮演的角色。

03

Avoid black-and-white thinking
避免非黑即白思维。

You hardly ever have zero control over what happens. Open your mind to the gray areas in every situation.

几乎不可能对所发生的事情毫无控制能力。在每种情形中，都打开自己的思维，将思维扩展至灰色地带。

04

Write it out
写下来

Writing can be a great way to see your thoughts a little more objectively. If you can do a brain dump on paper, you can get a clearer picture of how you think about a situation, which can help in practicing all of the above strategies.

写作，非常有益于让你更加客观地看待自己地思维。如果你可以记录下自己的思维，那么就可以更清晰看待你对某一情形的视角，这有助于帮助你实践上面的所有策略。

05

Change your mindset
改变自己思维：

While locus of control interventions haven’t been well studied, mindset interventions have, and there is a lot of overlap between the two. Learn about and cultivate a growth mindset to improve self-agency, motivation, and resilience.

尽管关于控制点的干预活动，这方面尚未得到充分研究，但思维干预却已被充分研究，而且二者之间有大量重叠之处。了解并培养成长型思维，以提升自身主观能动性、驱动力和韧性。

If you have an internal locus of control
如果你具有内部控制点：

Although an internal locus of control has many benefits—motivation, health, success—there are still some pitfalls to watch out for.

尽管内部控制点益处良多——驱动力、健康、成功——但依旧存在需要警惕的弊端：

Here’s how to avoid them:
以下是避免这些弊端的方法：

01

Delegate/放权：

Those who lean more internal on the locus of control spectrum may find it difficult to delegate since they are accustomed to feeling in control. Stretch yourself to share tasks with others rather than do every little thing yourself.

更倾向于内部控制点的人可能发现很难下放权力，因为他们习惯于感觉自己处于控制地位。逼自己将任务分配一些给他人，而非事无巨细一人承担。

02

Let it go/学会放手：

When you perceive life to be largely in your control, you may routinely find yourself stuck in self-blame. Take the time to reflect on the internal and external contributors to situations, and then move on. Ruminating about your role in something can be unproductive and discouraging.

当你觉得人生在很大程度上受你掌控时，你可能就会经常发现自己被困于自责之中。花时间思考促成某一情形的外部和个人因素，然后继续往前看。一直纠结于你在某件事中的角色会毫无益处，并挫人锐气。

03

“Control the controllables.” /“控制可控因素”

A mantra of many professional athletes, this phrase reminds us that we can control certain variables but not others. Strive to control what you can, but make peace with the uncontrollables and their inevitable impact.

这是很多职业运动员的格言。这句话提醒我们我们可以控制某些特定的变量，但无法控制其他某些变量。尽量控制自己能够控制的，但接受那些不可控因素以及它们不可避免所产生的影响。

You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what others are thinking.

你花很多的时间去琢磨别人会怎么想。

You ask yourself why you have certain thoughts, and tend to believe that all thoughts happen for some purpose or reason.

你会问自己为什么会产生特定想法，而且你常常认为所有想法的产生都是有目的或原因的。

You assume that all of your emotions happen for good reason and then respond accordingly, avoiding things whenever you feel anxious or fearful, punishing yourself whenever you feel guilty, lashing out at others whenever you feel angry.

你认为自己的所有情绪都是有正当理由的，然后任由该情绪支配你的行为。当你感到焦虑或恐惧时，你会选择回避事物，当你感到内疚时，你会惩罚自己，当你感到愤怒时，你会发泄在别人身上。

You focus a lot of attention on negative thoughts you have about yourself.

你将很多注意力集中在关于自己的负面想法上。

You review incidents from the past over and over again with no productive outcome.

你一遍又一遍徒劳无益地回想过去发生的事件。

You spend a lot of energy trying to remove doubt and uncertainty from situations that are unavoidably uncertain.

面对不可避免地充满不确定性的情形时，你会花很多精力试图消除怀疑和不确定性。

You try to mentally “figure things out” that can’t really be figured out.

对于无法有明确答案的情形，你会试图想要去“想明白”。

You worry about circumstances that can’t be changed, or at least can’t be changed by any mental activity on your part.

对于无法改变，或者至少无法因为你的任何思维活动而被改变的情形，你会忍不住心怀忧虑。

You focus on rigid, inflexible thoughts about a situation that only make you more upset.

对于某一情形，你大脑中充斥着僵化/固化的想法，而且这些想法只会让你更加不悦。

In general, you spend a lot of time trying to control your mental experience, trying to get rid of, or avoid, thoughts and feelings you don’t like.

整体而言，你花大量时间试图控制你的思维，试图摆脱或回避你不喜欢的想法和感受。

If any of these sound familiar, you may be spending too much time in your head. But rest assured there’s hope. You can learn to direct your attention towards other parts of life.

如果上面任何一条让你感到听起来耳熟，那么你可能就习惯长时间活在自己的脑海中。但不要担心，这并非无可救药。你可以学着将自己的注意力转移到生活的其他方面。

Sometimes people get stuck living in their head rather than taking part in the life going on around them.

有时人们会困在自己的大脑中，而非参与现实生活。

And chances are pretty good that you find it to be a problem if you’re reading this article.

而且，如果你在读这篇文章，那么很可能你自己也存在这种问题。

You may find that you are missing opportunities, dwelling in anxiety and depression, or not progressing in your life as you want to be. Living inside your head creates difficult challenges for your life because you’re not as engaged as you need to be.
“Living in your head” can mean a couple of different things.

你可能发现自己在让各种机会白白溜走，自己沉溺于焦虑和抑郁中，或者人生并没有按照自己想要的方向进展。活在自己大脑中，会为你的人生造成很多困难，因为它会让你无法正常参与现实生活。“活在自己大脑中”，有不同的表现形式：

The first is “maladaptive daydreaming.” Maladaptive daydreaming is when a person uses their daydreams to escape an uncomfortable reality that they may be experiencing. It’s a habit that is often formed in childhood to cope with abuse or neglect. The child can’t stand up to their abuser head-on, change their situation, or force the abuser out of their life, so they escape into their daydreams. The problem is that it doesn’t just turn off as they get older. Instead, it becomes an unhealthy coping skill that can keep them from being present and engaged in the moment.

第一种是“适应不良型白日梦”。这是指一个人用白日梦的方式逃避他们可能正在经历的，但令他们感到不适的现实。这是一种通常在童年时期为了应对虐待或忽视而形成的习惯。当一个孩子无法正面应对虐待自己的人，无法改变客观情形，或者无法强迫施虐者离开自己的生活，他们就会躲避到自己的白日梦中。但问题是，这种习惯并不会随着他们年龄增大而停止，相反，这种种习惯会变成一种不健康的应对机制，让他们逃避现在，从当前时刻中抽身而退。

The second meaning is when people find themselves regularly trapped in their thoughts. For example, a person with anxiety may find that they are constantly worrying about what might happen in the future. They agonize over all the details, all the what-ifs, and try to make sense of the bad things that might happen in the future.
This can also be a problem for people with depression who may not necessarily be looking forward to anything because, y’know, depression. Instead, they may spend their time pining for a better past that is already gone. They may find themselves thinking more about times when they were happier and doing better.

第二种表现形式是，发现自己经常被困于自己的念头之中。例如，一个患有焦虑的人可能发现自己在不断担忧未来。各种细节/各种“如果”，都让他们痛苦不已，而且他们会一心想要想明白未来可能发生的坏事情。抑郁症患者也可能如此，但他们可能并不一定是期待着未来什么事情，因为，你知道的，抑郁嘛。但他们可能会不断去缅怀已经逝去的某段更美好时光。他们可能会发现自己不断在回想曾经自己更快乐/更成功时的那些时光。

There are a couple of significant problems with living in your head. Daydreaming your life away, agonizing over the future, or wishing for the past keeps you from living your life in the present where life is currently happening. You can’t predict the future nor change the past. Instead, you need to engage in the present to create the kind of life you want for yourself.

活在自己大脑中，会造成多种严重问题。在白日梦中虚度人生，徒劳无益地担忧未来，希望往昔时光重现，这些都会让你无法活在当下，无法活在现实人生之中。你无法预测未来，无法改变过去，而且，你需要参与现在，才能够为自己创造自己想要的人生。

The other problem is that your thoughts are a closed loop. You aren’t gaining new information when you obsessively think about your life and situation. There comes a point where mindful consideration turns into unhealthy rumination where you are just going over and over the same thoughts. All that does is hurt you, stress you out, and make it harder to deal with whatever it is you’re trying to find an answer to.
None of this is exactly new or ground-breaking information. In fact, you’ll find that there are plenty of philosophies, religions, and belief systems that are looking for the answer to ground your mind in the present. That’s because living in your head is a problem that many people face now, then, and in the future.

另一个问题是，我们的思维是一个闭环。如果你只是钻牛角尖般地反复想着自己的生活和情形，那么你就无法获知新信息。这样下去，健康的正念思考就会变成不健康的思维反刍，你的大脑中只是在不断反反复复想着那几个念头。这种情况唯一的作用就是伤害你，让你精疲力尽，让你更难应对自己想要解决的问题。
严格来说这里并没有什么新理论，开创性信息，实际上，你会发现有很多哲学理念/宗教和信念体系都在寻找如何让思维聚焦于当下。这是因为，活在自己大脑中，是当前很多人都在面对，而且未来很多人都会面对的问题。

The good news is that there are ways to deal with this problem, get out of your head, and get grounded back into the present. The bad news is that it will require time and effort. It may be a bigger problem than just trying to exert control over your thoughts. You may need to work on your trauma or get your mental health under control before doing it effectively.
好消息是，这一问题是有应对方式的。这些方式可以让我们跳脱出自己的大脑，重新回到当下和现实。但坏消息是这会需要时间和精力。这并不仅仅只是控制自己的想法，想要有效解决，你可能还需要处理自己的暴脾气，或者控制自己的精神健康状态。

Still, you may find some relief in these different methods of addressing the problem.

但以下几种不同的解决方法可能会给你带来一些帮助。

1.Practice grounding techniques.
练习“着陆”技巧

Grounding techniques are often used to help people through acute mental health problems. For example, an anxiety or panic attack can be overwhelming and cause your mind to roam into extremes. The idea is to get one’s thoughts back into the present and grounded back into reality.

“着陆”技巧通常被用于缓解急性精神健康问题。例如焦虑或恐慌发作可能会让人失控，让大脑游走向极端。这一技巧旨在将人的思维拉回当下，着陆于现实之中。

These same techniques can be helpful for people who find themselves lost in their own thoughts or daydreaming their life away.

对于迷失在自己思维中或在白日梦中消耗掉人生的人而言，同样的技巧也会产生帮助。

【5-4-3-2-1】

There’s a simple grounding technique called 5-4-3-2-1. When you realize that you’re not in the present moment, do the following:

有一个简单的着陆技巧，叫做5-4-3-2-1.当你发现你没有聚焦于当下时，做以下步骤：

– Acknowledge 5 things that you can see.
– Acknowledge 4 things that you can touch.
– Acknowledge 3 things that you can hear.
– Acknowledge 2 things that you can smell.
– Acknowledge 1 thing that you can taste.

找出可以看到的5样东西；
找出可以摸到的4样东西；
找出可以听到的3样东西；
找出可以闻到的2样东西；
找出可以尝到的1样东西；

This technique forces your mind off of the harmful track that it is on. Unhealthy and anxious thought processes often roll forward like a train. It’s pretty easy to stop a train when it’s just starting to take off from its station. The train is slow-moving and doesn’t have any momentum built up yet. But, if the train is allowed to keep going, it will speed up and gain momentum, making it far more difficult to stop.

这一技巧可以将你的思维从当前有害轨迹上拉开。不健康或焦虑思维流程通常如火车一般咆哮前行。当火车刚驶离车站时，尚可被较为轻松地停止。刚开始，火车还行驶缓慢，而且还没有形成任何势能。但如果任火车前行，它就会提速，越来越快，难以停止。

Unwell thoughts are much the same. Grounding techniques help disrupt the momentum those thought processes are building up. They help stop those thoughts before they spiral into something that can’t be easily controlled or stopped.

不良念头很大程度上也是如此。着陆技巧可以扰乱这些念头的增长之势，可以在早期停止这些念头，避免其愈演愈烈变得失控。

2.Learn to accept what you can’t control.
学会接受无法控制的事物

Many people who live in their heads are trying to control a situation they have no control over. They may constantly overthink because they try to rationalize their way around an inherently irrational situation.

很多活在自己大脑中的人都试图控制自己无法控制的情形。他们可能会不断过度思考（想得太多），因为面对本质上毫无理性可言的情形，他们会试图找出一个看似合理的理由去避免直对这种情形。

For example, people. Why did this person do this? Why did this person do that? Why did they treat me this way? Why didn’t they do the right thing?
And really, the answer is very simple. Human beings are emotional creatures who often do things as a knee-jerk reaction to whatever emotions they are experiencing. And a lot of times, it’s just not rational or logical.

例如，人。为什么这个人要做这个？为什么这个人要做那个？为什么他们这样对待我？为什么他们不选择正确的做法？
实际上，这个答案很简单。人类是情绪化动物，行为通常像是对所经历情绪所做出的本能反应。而且，很多时候，这些反应并不理性，并不符合逻辑。

It just is what it is. They did a thing, not because they considered how it would affect other people around them, but because they felt an emotion and reacted to that emotion.

事实就是这样。他们做一件事，并非他们思考到了这会对周围人造成怎样的影响，而是他们感受到了某种情绪，并对这种情绪做出了反应。

The same could even be said for people who live in their heads. Whatever they experience causes an emotional reaction, so they retreat into their mind to think about it or daydream their way around it instead of dealing with the problem or letting it go.

活在自己大脑中的人甚至也同样如此。无论何种经历，都会带来某种情绪反应，因此，他们撤退到自己大脑中去不断想着这件事，或通过白日梦的方式躲避这件事，而非直面问题，或彻底放手。

And sometimes, the situation isn’t that personal. Let’s say Gerald applies for a job that he really wants. It’s his passion in life, what he studied for, his absolute dream job. And he can’t stop thinking about it. Did he make any mistakes on his resume? Did he fill out the application correctly? What if they don’t call back? What if he doesn’t get hired? If he did get hired, this would be life-changing! He could afford to do the things that he wanted to do! He could have the kind of life that he wants to have! Everything could turn out so much differently! If only…

而有时，某些情形并非像上面所说的一样与具体个人相关。比如，Gerald申请了一份自己很想要的工作，这是他毕生热忱，毕生所学，终极理想工作。他满脑子都是在想这件事。他简历上有没有错误？他申请表有没有填写正确？如果对方不给他回复怎么办？如果他不被录用怎么办？如果他能够入职，那将为他的人生带来改变。他将能够买得起自己想要的东西、能够拥有自己想要的生活。一切都将发生翻天覆地的变化！如果…..就好了！

But hey, Gerald needs to slow his roll. It’ll likely be weeks before he hears anything back about the job. Gerald can more effectively use his time doing literally anything other than agonizing over the future. Whether he gets the job or not is entirely outside of his control. He needs to set that aside and focus more on his present until he hears back from the employer.

但，嘿，Gerald需要缓一缓。距离得到回复可能要数周时间。把这段时间花在其他任何事物上，都比这样担忧未来要有效。无论他能够被录用，在收到雇主回复前，他都需要把这先放在一边，把更多注意力聚焦在当下。

3.Work on observing your thoughts.
学会观察自己的想法

The idea behind observing your thoughts is to separate your thoughts from immediate emotional reactions.

之所以要观察自己的想法，是为了将想法与即时产生的情绪反应区分开来。

For example, let’s say someone insults you for no reason. You’re on the job, and someone who is clearly having a bad day gets mouthy with you about something that’s entirely out of your control. The knee-jerk reaction to being insulted is often defensiveness.

例如，比如说，有人毫无理由地辱骂了你。你在正常工作，一个很明显今天过得不顺心的人因为某件完全不在你掌控范围内的事对你大放厥词。被辱骂的第一反应，通常是防御辩护。

This person is attacking you, so you need to dig in and prepare to defend yourself. Right? Your immediate reaction may be to fire back at that person angrily. After all, how dare they come at you when you’re just trying to live your life and do your job? How dare they assume they can just come out and attack you for no reason at all? You have to stand up for yourself! You can’t be a doormat! That’s what everyone says, at least.

对方在攻击你，所以你需要坚定立场，准备捍卫自己。对吧？你的第一反应可能是愤怒回怼。毕竟，你只是在过自己的生活，做自己的工作，他们为什么竟敢针对你？他们为什么竟敢觉得可以毫无理由地攻击你？你需要捍卫自己！你不能做个包子！最起码，每个人都这么说。

But there is a choice there. You see, standing up for yourself doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to get angry and fire back. That can easily escalate a situation into something unmanageable. And escalating a person who doesn’t have the social acumen to act that way can be a questionable thing. What if they’re unstable? What if they’re high? What if they are somehow impaired in their ability to make the right decisions at the moment? Confrontation can escalate into violence, and no one wins.

但这里是存在选择的。你看，捍卫自己并不一定就代表着愤怒回怼。这很容易升级为一种不可控的情形。而且，将一个不具备足够社交能力的人的行为升级恶化，这的确有待商榷。如果他们不稳定怎么办？如果他们正处在吸毒吸嗨的状态怎么办？如果他们当下正确决策的能力受损怎么办？对峙会升级为暴力，而这种情形下，没有一方会是赢家。

Instead, we may need to take a few seconds to consider the situation before proceeding. Okay, this customer is angry and acting like a jerk. You can feel yourself getting angry because you’re being mistreated, but what are you going to do with that anger? Are you going to immediately throw it into the conflict? Or, can you instead just let yourself feel angry, but deal with the person to get them on their way?

与之相对，我们可能需要花几秒钟时间先思考这一情形。好的，这位顾客很愤怒，而且像个傻B。你能感到自己变得愤怒，因为你被欺负了，但你可以如何应对这一愤怒感呢？你是会立即让它给当前冲突火上浇油呢？还是允许自己感到愤怒，同时合理应对这一顾客，让他离开呢？

To observe your thoughts is to not jump straight onto them and ride them to where they are going. Instead, a really easy thing you can do is just to wait about 10 seconds and think about what you’re feeling before you decide to do something.

观察自己的想法，并非直接跳到它们身上，任由它们驮着前往它们前行的方向。一个很简单的方法是，等待大概10秒钟，思考自己的感受，然后再决定自己要做什么。

In the context of living in your head, you may have this wave of anxiety and discomfort coming at you, but you may or may not be able to choose what you do with those emotions. You can dive into them and be pulled along by them, dwelling on all the possibilities and things that can go wrong. Or you can avoid doing that by involving yourself in a more present, positive coping skill.

当你活在自己大脑中时，有时可能会有一阵阵的焦虑和不适感如海浪般向你席卷而来，但你可能会，也可能无法选择如何应对这些情绪海浪。你可以一头潜入其中，随波逐流，钻牛角尖地反复想着各种可能出现的糟糕情形。也或者，你也可以选择某种更聚焦于当下，更积极的应对方法，从而避免上述情形。

One simple strategy that I personally use is a puzzle book. When I would feel those emotions trying to pull me away, I would sit down and do sudoku puzzles until the strength of the feelings had subsided more. So get yourself a word search, crossword, or sudoku puzzle book from the grocery store and focus on those when you find yourself getting pulled deep into your thought space.

当前我个人采用的一个简单技巧，是益智书。当我感到这些情绪试图将我裹挟而去时，我会坐下来，做数独题，直到这些感受缓和下来。所以，从商店买一本找词/猜词/数独题书，当你觉得正在被卷入情绪世界时，用这些题目来转移自己的注意力。

4.Talk it out with a supportive person.
与一位支持者充分谈论这一情形

I specifically chose the words “supportive person” because some people aren’t in a place where they have friends or loved ones to lean on at the moment. You may also be surrounded by unhealthy people who can worsen the problem. Supportive people can be friends or loved ones, but they can also be members of a support group or a therapist.

我特意选择了这个词“支持者”，因为一些人当时可能并没有可以依赖的朋友或所爱之人。你身边可能还环绕着只会让问题恶化的有害人群。支持者可能是朋友或所爱之人，但也可以是支持小组中的成员或心理师。

The idea behind talking the situation out is to get yourself out of circular thinking. A person living in their head, absorbed in their own thought processes, will find themselves going in circles. It’s inevitable because you’re going to be thinking about the things that you already know or what you’re worried about.

之所以要与人彻谈某一情形，目的是为了把你从环形思维中拉出来。活在自己大脑中的人，沉溺于自己的思维流程，会发现自己在不断转圈。这是不可避免的，因为你思考的都不过是你已经知道的，或者你正在担忧的事情。

Talking to another person helps disrupt that process because they can get you reoriented in a more forward direction. So it’s helpful to have another person say, “Okay, you already addressed that. Let’s get back on track.” That can be extremely helpful for training your brain to change directions when you need to.
This type of conversation will help you process the situation rather than ruminate and think in circles.

与另一个人交谈，可以阻断这一流程，因为他们可以将你调整到一个更偏向于前方的方向。因此，如果有人跟你说：“好的，你已经考虑过那件事了，现在让我们回到轨道上来。”这会对你很有益。这极其有利于训练你的大脑在需要时具备调整方向的能力。

这类谈话可以帮助你处理某一情形，而非只是一味思维反刍或思维不断原地转圈。

5.Interrupt those spirals with meditation.
用冥想避免思维失控

Meditation is a powerful tool that can be used to interrupt circular thoughts. And guess what? It doesn’t have to be complicated! Not at all. We’ll use a simple technique called box breathing.

冥想，是一种可以用于打断环形念头的有力工具。而且，冥想并不一定要很复杂！一点也不！我们可以用一个名为“盒式呼吸”的简单技巧。

【Box Breathing】

Inhale for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, exhale slowly for four seconds, hold your breath for four seconds, and repeat. And do that for just five minutes.

4秒吸气；
4秒屏住呼吸；
4秒呼气；
4秒屏住呼吸；
重复。
共做5分钟即可。

Here’s what will probably happen. Your brain will still be firing off thoughts about whatever it is you’re dealing with. You mentally say, “Okay. What is this?” You look at the thought, acknowledge it, and then you refocus your thoughts on your breathing. More thoughts will come; you do the same thing. You look at it, acknowledge it, and then let it go again.

以下是很可能会发生的情况：你的大脑依旧会不断在产出关于当前问题的各种想法，你内心暗说：“好的，这是什么？”你审视你的想法，承认其存在，然后将注意力集中在呼吸上。更多想法会冒出来，你继续重复着一方法。审视，承认其存在，让其消失。

The more you do it, the easier it will get. However, you may struggle with maintaining that kind of focus for whatever reason. For example, maybe you have ADHD or anxiety, and it’s really difficult for you to stay on a single track for any time at all. It may or may not help. If it’s that severe for you, you will want to get professional help to work on bringing that issue under control.

越是经常这样做，这一过程就会越简单。但出于某种原因，你可能很难会长时间维持这种专注。例如，你患有ADHD或焦虑症，完全无法保持任何时间的专注。这一方法可能也或者对你无用。如果你的情况的确已经是如此严重，那么你可能就需要通过专业人士的帮助来应对这一问题。

It’s perfectly normal to struggle with it. You’re not going to be a master at it by doing it two or three times. You just have to keep doing it. And the interesting thing, at least for me, is how much quieter things got in my head with meditation. Meditation can actually help forge new connections, which improves your brain’s ability to process things.

觉得很难，是完全正常的。你不可能只尝试两三次就能成为这一方面的大师。你只需要继续坚持做下去。有趣的是，至少对我是这样，是冥想可以让大脑中的一切变得多么安静。冥想实际上可以帮助建立新的神经元连接，从而提升大脑处理信息的能力。

Aim for just five minutes.

先将目标定在5分钟即可。

6.Focus on other people for a while.
暂时将注意力聚集在他人身上

There’s an old saying that goes something to the effect of, “The best way to help yourself is to help others.” That can be kind of a loaded statement. Sometimes people use activities like helping other people to completely ignore and avoid their problems. That’s not good. That’s not healthy.

有句古话大意是：帮助自己的最好方法，是帮助他人。这句话有些暗藏陷阱。有时人们会通过帮助他人等活动，来忽视或回避个人问题。这并非有益，也不健康。

However, helping other people can provide a sense of purpose, give you something meaningful to focus on, and get you moving forward on your own path.
So many people struggle with a sense of self and purpose in this crazy world. It’s so much easier to find when you’re walking that path with other people. Serving other people can get you out of your mind and out of those circular thoughts.

但帮助他人可以带来一种目标感，把你的思维聚焦于某种有意义的事情上，让你在自己的道路上继续前行。在这个疯狂的世界中，如此多的人难以找到一种自我感和目标感。当你与其他人同行时，这就会变得简单得多。帮助他人，可以让你走出自己的大脑世界，跳脱出自己的环形思维。

It’s certainly not a replacement for dealing with the very real issues that many face. It’s not going to heal your trauma, control your mental illness, or anything like that. What it will do is give you something meaningful to think about as you step forward into that world and find a way to give back in a way that makes sense for you. It will also help you forge new friendships and relationships with people, leading to greater social support when you really need it.

诚然，对于很多人所面临的实质问题而言，这并非一种替代应对方案。

这不会愈合你的创伤，不会控制住你的精神疾病等，它的作用只是让你去想一些有意义的事，让你找到一种自己看来合理的，回馈他人的方式。它还有助于你形成新的人际关系和友谊，这样在你需要时，就会有更多的社交支持。

Still, if you find yourself struggling with anxious thoughts, maladaptive daydreaming, or you just can’t keep yourself grounded in the present, it would be an excellent idea to talk about your situation with a mental health professional. They can provide tailored advice and mental techniques to bring yourself back to reality and face that reality, whatever it involves.

但如果你发现自己挣扎于焦虑念头，适应不良白日梦中，或无法专注于当下，那么与精神健康专业人士谈论这一情形，将会让你大受裨益。他们能够提供专门针对你症状的个性化建议和技巧，帮助你重回现实/面对现实。

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

很多人在试图客服自身问题时，虽然都是竭尽全力但却毫无章法，徒劳无益。如果可能，那么心理咨询将是100%最佳方案。

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

通过搜索到并阅读本文章，你已经迈出了第一步。现在你的最糟糕行为，就是“无为”。而最佳行为，则是寻求心理咨询师帮助。其次最佳行为，是自己践行本文章中提到的各项内容。一切都取决于你！

Key points

High-conflict personalities and people with Cluster B personality disorders tend to be emotionally immature.

高冲突人格与B类人格障碍者通常都情绪不成熟。

Recognizing the differences between emotional maturity and immaturity can help someone spot such individuals.

识别情绪成熟与不成熟之间的区别有助于让人识别出这类人。

Once recognized, steps can be taken to effectively deal with the relationships and set realistic expectations.

一旦识别后，就能够采取措施，有效应对这类人际关系，设置切合实际的期望。

As discussed in a previous article, Cluster B personality disorders—broadly conceptualized as "high-conflict personalities"—may be more common than previously thought. People with these disorders tend to be prone to engaging in "emotional dramas" due to core deficits in their personality (Lester, 2021); as a result, they often cause relational harm to those around them.

如之前一篇文章中所说，B类人格障碍——可宽泛定义为“高冲突型人格”——可能比之前所认为的要更普遍。患有这类障碍之人易于因性格中的核心缺陷而陷入“戏剧化情绪”之中。因此，他们通常会对周围之人在人际或感情关系方面造成伤害。

Since it's possible that you have people in your life that meet these criteria, it is important to be able to recognize the behaviors these individuals tend to engage in and respond to them accordingly. One frequently shared feature of these "high-conflict" personalities is emotional immaturity, a trait that can cause substantial problems in interpersonal relationships.

由于可能你生活中也有人符合这些标准，因此，能够识别出这些人的常见行为，并做出相应的回应，这一点很重要。这类高冲突人格的一个主要共通特征是情绪不成熟，这一特征在人际关系中会导致严重问题的发生。

What Is Emotional Immaturity?
什么是情绪不成熟

Emotional maturity is, in essence, the ability to deal with reality (Gibson, 2015). Emotionally mature people are self-reflective, take responsibility for their actions, and have flexible and adaptable personality traits that help them navigate the world with minimal detrimental consequences.

本质而言，情绪成熟，是指有能力应对现实。情绪成熟之人能够自我反省、对自身行为负责，具备灵活、适应型性格特征，这些性格特征能够帮助他们在生活中尽可能规避危害型后果。

Conversely, emotionally immature people are often unable to deal with reality and tend to alter their perceptions of reality to fit their own needs. As Gibson (2019) states, their bodies may have grown up—but mentally, they have arrested development and are often “stuck” at an earlier emotional age. It may be even possible to roughly identify the age at which a person is functioning at an emotional level. Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently? Are they insensitive to the feelings of others? Are they stuck in maladaptive thinking patterns (seeing everything in black-and-white, for example)?

相反，情绪不成熟人群通常无法应对现实，常常会根据他们自身需求而更改他们对现实的主观认知。如Gibson所说，他们的身体可能已经长大，但就思维而言，他们发展停滞，通常“卡”在了一个较早期的情绪年龄。甚至还可能大体识别出一个人的情绪年龄。他们是否总是发脾气？他们是否总是会拒绝交流（比如冷战）？他们是否对别人的感受毫不敏感？他们是否困于适应不良型思维模式中（比如，总是非黑即白的思维）？

Regardless of their emotional "age," emotionally immature people tend to lack emotional sensitivity, be self-preoccupied, or behave in ways that cause you to question your own reality. You may find communication difficult, or even impossible. They may be deceptive, manipulative, or impulsive with their actions and emotions. They struggle with navigating circumstances without negative consequences due to these deficits. For example, since impulsivity is common in emotionally immature individuals, they may chronically lie and cheat because their feelings override reason and morality.

无论他们的情绪年龄几何，情绪不成熟人群通常缺乏情绪敏感性、只关注自我，或者他们的行为方式导致你开始质疑你眼中的现实。你可能会发现和他们很难沟通，或者甚至完全不可能沟通。他们可能会擅于欺骗、擅于操纵，或者在行为和情绪上具有冲动性。由于他们的这些不足，他们往往很难避免负面后果。例如，由于情绪不成熟之人往往都很冲动，因此他们可能会有撒谎和欺骗的长期习惯，因为他们的感受是凌驾于理性和道德感之上的。

Characteristics of Emotionally Immature People
情绪不成熟之人的特征

The following are characteristics and descriptions that may help you recognize emotional immaturity and deal with it effectively (Gibson, 2019). The purpose of this article is not to diagnose people; diagnoses should only be given after examination by a qualified mental health professional. However, it can be helpful to be able to spot emotional immaturity in others in order to handle the situation both realistically and tactfully. It is impossible to deal with a situation unless it is recognized and acknowledged.

以下特征和描述可能有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征，并做出有效应对。本文目的并非诊断他人，只有在有资质的精神健康专业人士进行检查测试之后才可以做出诊断。但这些特征却有助于你识别情绪不成熟特征，从而让你能够以既切合实际又具有策略性地方式做出应对。认识问题，承认问题，才能应对问题。

1
They tend to think of themselves first, engaging in chronic self-absorbed behavior.
他们通常最先考虑自己，长期表现出以自我为中心的行为。

2
They do not know how to repair relationships effectively; conflicts are rarely resolved and may be ignored. A frequent mantra is "just move on."
他们不知道如何有效修复感情关系。感情关系中的冲突很少被真正解决，可能会被无视。他们经常说的一句话是：这件事就翻篇吧。

3
They are unable to take others' perspectives or stand in their shoes.
他们无法采取别人的视角或从别人角度看问题。

4
They frequently show a lack of guilt or remorse.
他们通常表现出缺乏内疚感或懊悔感。

5
They do what feels best—which means they often don't learn from past mistakes and may continue to repeat behavior that has negative consequences.
他们任性而为——即，他们通常不会从过去错误中汲取教训，而且可能会继续重复那些曾导致负面后果的行为。

6
They engage in little self-reflection.
他们几乎从不自我反思。

7
There is a history of conflict and drama in their relationships.
他们一直以来人际感情关系中都充斥着冲突与戏剧化。

8
They have a history of denying reality due to affective realism (reality is what it feels like instead of what it is) or distorting it (making up a new narrative about a situation) in order to deal with it.
他们历来会因为“情感现实主义”（对他们而言，现实是他们感觉的样子，而非事实的样子）而否认现实，或者扭曲现实（对某一情形编造出一种新的说法），从而让他们能够应对现实。

9
They demonstrate a pattern of impulsive behavior; they feel more than think.
他们表现出冲动型行为模式。他们更多地依赖感受，而非思考。

10
They often get enmeshed in relationships instead of engaging in healthy emotional intimacy.
他们通常会困于感情关系中，而非营建健康情感亲密关系。

11
They tend to disregard others' well-being and safety.
他们通常会不顾别人的健康幸福和安全。

12
They rarely do emotional work.
他们很少做情绪方面的管理。

13
They demonstrate little or no empathy.
他们几乎不会或完全不会表现出同理心。

Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Immature People
识别自己在情绪不成熟之人身边时的个人感受

After seeing the signs above, it's also important to notice how you feel around emotionally immature people and those with high-conflict personalities. Feelings of discomfort, anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and irritation are common.
在觉察到上述迹象后，同样重要的时，注意到自己的感受。不适感、焦虑、疑惑、疲倦和愤怒都是普遍的感受。

You may feel like every conversation is one-sided; you may feel hurt because your experiences and feelings are often discounted and ignored. You may feel like you are walking on eggshells, or that the person is overly negative and “draining.” Emotionally immature people often provoke anger because others in their life tend to feel dismissed, unseen, or as if their reality is questioned.

你可能会感到每次对话都是单方面谈话，
你可能会感到受伤因为你的体验和感受通常会被贬低或无视。
你可能还会感到一直需要小心翼翼，
或对方过于负能量，在“吸干”你的能量。
情绪不成熟之人通常会引发别人愤怒，因为他们生活中的其他人通常会感到被不屑一顾、被无视，或自己对现实的认知被质疑。

Because such people at times employ gaslighting to discount others' reality, you may feel “scrambled” or like you can't think straight after an interaction. Finally, ongoing depression, anxiety, or other similar symptoms may arise after dealing with these personalities over time.

因为这类人有时候会通过“煤气灯操纵的形式”否认别人眼中的现实，在与他们互动之后，你可能感到大脑一团乱麻一般，仿佛自己根本已经无法清晰思考。最终，在长期与这类人格之人相处之后，就会出现持续的抑郁、焦虑或其他类似症状。

Recognize How You Feel Around Emotionally Mature People
识别自己在情绪成熟之人身边时的感受

In contrast, you likely feel energized when interacting with emotionally mature people. You may even feel grateful after you spend time with them. Colloquially, they have “good vibes” and leave you feeling validated and understood. You feel empathy from them.

与之相对，当与情绪成熟之人打交道时，你可能会感到能量满满。在与他们相处之后，你甚至还会有种感激之情。用俗话来说，他们让人“如沐春风”，让你感到被认可、被理解。你能感受到他们的同理心。

They usually take responsibility for their actions, feel bad or guilty when they think they hurt you, and apologize for their behavioral missteps. They are able to think and feel at the same time. They are self-reflective, are able to build deep emotional connections over time, and their defenses adapt to reality. Emotionally mature people are able to deal with both outer and inner reality and are realistic, adapt, and accept what is.

他们通常会对自己行为负责，
当他们觉得自己伤害了你时，会感觉糟糕或内疚，并为自己的不当行为道歉。
他们既感性又理性。
他们能够自我反思，
能够随着时间推移建立起深层的情感连接，
他们能够调整个人防御机制使之适应现实。
他们既能够应对外在现实也能够应对内在现实，
他们切合实际、具有适应性，能够接受客观现实。

Emotional Maturity and Dealing with Conflict
情绪成熟&应对冲突

All relationships are stressful at times. However, chronically stressful relationships may be indicative of a larger problem in one or both parties. When conflicts arise between two emotionally mature people, their attempts to repair the relationship often help make it stronger. Both parties may end up feeling more understood, closer, and warmer towards each other, in spite of the original conflict.

所有感情关系并非都一帆风顺。但长期的充斥着压力的感情关系可能意味着一方或双方都存在某种更大的问题。当两个情绪成熟的人之间发生冲突时，他们在修复感情关系方面所做的努力会让感情变得更牢固。尽管之前有冲突，但双方最后会感到更加被理解、更加亲近、更加亲密。

In contrast, there often is no genuine conflict resolution with emotionally immature individuals. It is vital to acknowledge and recognize these dynamics in areas where you have to deal with them, such as at work, and deliberately choose whether or not to deal with them in personal relationships. Once you do, you can change both your tactics and expectations of the relationships to promote the most successful and safe outcome for yourself and others.

但与之相对，在情绪不成熟的两个人之间，通常冲突并没有真正得以解决。在人际关系中，如果在一些场合，存在这类互动关系，而且你不得不去应对这类互动关系，比如职场，那么，识别并承认这种互动关系的存在，并且仔细抉择是否去处理应对，这一点至关重要。一旦你这样做了，你就可以改变你在这段关系中的策略，改变你对这段关系的期望，为你自己和他人之间促成最成功、最安全的结果。